h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"Not sure you should do it in the office. Not hygenic for one thing, or very private."

Wasn't there once a TV comedy show ("Big Train"?) where a po-faced boss calls in all his office staff for a serious talk, (we've all been there) and forbids masturbation in the office, as too much of it is going on and it's gettting in the way of work? (which deviates from all expectations and makes it funny, if gross). Cut to male office drone, viewed from behind, whose chair is shaking and juddering, and Boss shouts out "Kevin, weren't you listening? What did I just tell you?"

Gross, but funny.

I love chuck Norris facts. Did you know Chuck Norris never made any films, he just had cameras following him around recording his day to day life?

Thanks for the inspiration to look for Big Train clips on t'tube AgProv

http://youtube.com/watch?v=zn6Z9djh8eA

Big Train You Tube Petty Hate: No tortoise sketch on there!

Not so petty this one, I think.

People who carelessly lose medication in the street. Yesterday I found a blister pack of Microgynon (birth control) with one left in it.

Can cause -

Nausea and vomiting
Headache/migraine
Breast tenderness, enlargement
Weight changes
Retention of water in the body tissues (fluid retention)
Vaginal thrush (candidiasis)
Change in menstrual bleeding
Menstrual spotting or breakthrough bleeding
Depression
Skin reactions
Decreased sex drive
Rise in blood pressure
Irregular brown patches on the skin, usually of the face (chloasma)
Steepening of corneal curvature which may make contact lenses uncomfortable
Disturbance in liver function
Gallstones
Blood clots in the blood vessels (eg, DVT, pulmonary embolism, heart attack, stroke - see warnings above)

Then, this morning - a pack of Citalopram (antidepressant) with 6 x 40mg left in it. Apart from an increased risk of suicidal ideation,it can cause -

Disturbances of the gut such as diarrhoea, constipation, nausea, vomiting or abdominal pain
Sleepiness (somnolence)
Dry mouth
Increased sweating
Headache
Shaking, usually of the hands (tremor)
Dizziness
Weakness or loss of strength (asthenia)
Difficulty in sleeping (insomnia)
Agitation
Nervousness
Awareness of your heart beat (palpitations)
Visual disturbances
Loss of memory (amnesia)
Appetite and weight changes
Sexual problems

To be used with extreme caution under medical supervision? No, free sweeties at the bus stop. Gather round kids!

Amazingly petty hate: when the mudguards on my bike rub against the tyre just enough to make a noise

Nope, that sounds irritating.

Become quite annoyed today by muzak. Our muzak aint that bad, some decent tracks, but today it is really getting on my .............

nerves!

Citalopram? This is as near as you can get to being a controlled drug withoutit actually being one. It's an SSRI, which is to say it's a drug acting directly on the brain to alter and change mood (heavy-duty antidepressant) and the current issue of the British National Formulary (every office shouldf have one - mine does, for professional reasons) explicitly says that it should not be prescribed for anyone under 18 as the mood-altering qualities of the drug can have very much magnified effects on an immature human brain. (as well as all the other side-effects). Whoever dropped that in the street needs to have a serious wird concerning their absent-mindedness!

"Then, this morning - a pack of Citalopram (antidepressant) with 6 x 40mg left in it. Apart from an increased risk of suicidal ideation,it can cause"


I love that anti depressants make you suicidal! I've been on a few different ones in my life and EVERY single one had a warning it may cause suicidal tendancies! Surely thats the reason you look for help with depression, so you DONT kill yourself, or did I apply logic to this situation? :D

I hate those indoor fountain things. I know they're almost out of fashion now, but the continuous, monotonous trickling of water just makes me so aggressive

I got a little one of those for the house and the big problem is the motor hum. It's sitting in the garage gathering dust if anybody wants it. Would suit someone with tinitus, they won't notice the noise!

I used to have one of those. Mine didn't hum noticably, and the tricking didn't bother me... but it didn't maintain a steady trickle and the sudden stopping and starting used to drive me nuts.

I hate the stupid little chains on my ceiling fans that go "clink clink clink" against the glass lights, and make it impossible to actually run the things. I've tried switching the chains out with strings, and something still clinks!

Another petty hate- working with the sort of person who expects you you act like a "team player" when they need something from *you*, but who are unwilling to give anything in return- even if the only "help" you ever need from them is for them to fulfill their own darn responsibilities.

Ouch!

My petty hate is when you bite into a gorgeous pasty and find the only bit of gristle they couldnt seem to filter out. Oh, wait, maybe that was the token bit of 'meat' they left in by accident....

Oh yes finding gristle in anything For me it's usually the last bite of an otherwise lovely pie or pastie.
A certain UK chain of bakers seem to excel in putting roughly equal measures of gristle to meat in their chicken sandwiches then dying the whole mixture yellow or brown or red according to what flavour it's supposed to be, so that you can't see the gristle till you've bitten into it. It makes me want to barf.

BEAUROCRACY

Telling the time to the minute

Things coming late

Grey days in the summer

Speed traps

Red Peppers (Or green, or yellows) - although I like pepperoni

The fact that the coffee machine at work won't give me a cup of water without me specifying what strength.

I did give it the benifit of the doubt for a while, but, they, all, taste, the, same!!!!!!!!

People calling me Rude-boy.

As you approach a tee junction to turn right I hate those drivers who cut the corner causing you to break hard and prematurely. They look at you as though its your fault.

And those who use fog light when there is no fog.

Not keen on those who don't read what they have written.

For 'fog light' read 'fog lights'.

Twit

1 The word Organic. espesially when its used to sell you something for more than youd usually pay.
2 Stupid people. theres far to many of them.(SEE 4,5 and 6)
3 Soap operas. theres far too many of them as well.
4 Forms. the gov't ones that dont make any sense.
5 Insurance companies. Why dont they ever payout in full when you make a claim.
6 Management. Especially the ones who might have the degree, but have no idea how to actually manage their staff.
7 Trains. What use is a timetable if the trains dont actually turn up when their supposed to.
8 Recycling. Why carnt the companies who actually make the packaging we throw away, be more resposible and find some other more environmentally friendly way of delivering their product.
9 Mobile phones. Because when you actually really need to use one in an emergancy your either out of credit, carn,t get a signal or the batteries dead.
10 Self help gurus. The Masters of The Secret et al

People slowing down to 5 miles an hour under the speed limit to go through speed cameras, no matter where on the road they are, or whether there are people behind them. I get it EVERY day on my way into work and on the way home in the evening. Essentially, if you dont know the (clearly marked) speed limit and how fast you are travelling (CHECK YOUR SPEEDO) then DONT DRIVE.

If I can hold a steady speed, despite the hill, and not hit anything due to my being able to be aware of more than one thing at a time (yes, I can watch my mirrors, speedo, the road, other cars and everything ALL AT THE SAME TIME... Just like you had to when you passed your test!) then so should everyone else. Instead of tearing up the road and slamming your anchors on to crawl through, I just ask that you learn to drive at a steady speed of YOUR choosing, not that dictated by wherever your foot stops on the pedal and the angle of the road. When you dont, all I can assume is that you dont actually understand a)how to drive properly in general and/or b)What a speed limit is and that it is NOT impossible to drive up to and including it without acting like an ignorant fool and getting in the way of drivers who can and do by acting in the above manner in ALL lanes, forming a blockade of ignorant idiocy that those of us who wish to drive consistently and properly cant get past.

I'm fine, really, I'm FINE....