h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

People who gripe about doing their share of the housework.
Ditto cooking.

All these poker TV programs that have suddenly sprung up. If I want to be THAT bored I'll switch the telly off and stare at the blank screen. And the way the American presenters try and talk it up to be more exciting. It's a losing battle guys!

Golf too....Oh look he's hit the ball. Oh look it's bounced on the grass. Oh look it's stopped bouncing. Let's do it again 74 times per player...Yawn

Golf just ruins a perfectly nice walkin the park.

People who don't do their share of the housework then complain that its messy.

Snooker, too slow, too long and why do the commentators whisper?

People who, rather than trying to learn about a subject for themselves, ie programming a new video, ask me then yell when I just push buttons to see what they do. This is how I learn, once I know, I will tell them.

People who admittedly know nothing about a subject interferring when you are trying to either learn or show someone who wants to learn by telling you that what you are doing is wrong.

The gap in Madonnas teeth

Will

People who use 'alot' a lot

Film stars on promotional tours who talk earnestly about the banal character they've just played in some hack movie, as if the film is a many-layered classic

Waiters who won't leave you alone when you're in the middle of a conversation, keep interrupting to ask if everything is to your satisfaction

People who rant about the use of smileys.

People who rant about mobile phones, texting, e-mailing.

People who claim that only ignorant inarticulate thickos use the 'f' word

Stupid, maybe, but I LOATHE coat hangers!!!(empty ones)
Is that weird? They seem to have a life of their own. Take one, and three others fall or come off at the same time, or they all get mixed up.Maybe if I had more clothes to put on them, I could grow to love them?!

People who are so lazy that they can't be arsed to take their shopping trollys back to the pens and just leave them lying around usually blocking car parking places - it's just so inconsiderate.

Women who have that horribly affected tittery laugh that sounds like a bat on helium - I hate the sound in it's own right and also taps into my hatred of all things - pink, puffy and overly girly. I love something called "The Happy Tree Friends" as it annimates these overly cute little animals with names like Cuddles and Giggles in a shiny woodland environment then just annimates them being accidental being ripped to shreads - the part of me that hates twee things thinks that is hilarious - ok that's my inner Spike exposed for the world to see.

People who stand in large groups blocking anyone else's ability to move anywhere, especially on the tube.

And another thing, people who think that just because I'm overweight they have a right to take the mick. One tosser even told me to eff off when I pointed in sarcastic voice how witty his oiking noices were. They're not even witty or original. Yes, I am partially responsible for my own appearence but the same could be said of the badly dressed and I don't feel the need to ridicule them to their faces. I think the words of Winston Churchill apply I may be fat but most of my detractors are morons I could lose the weight more easily than they could gain a brain.

Vampadvocate, have we met? Or are you actually me?

People who wear something just because it's fashionable (eg cropped tops) when it clearly doesn't suit.

The middle-class males in TV property shows who always seem to have shaven heads, are "in advertising," and have crazy amounts of money to spend on a "crash pad" in Camden. (It's not jealousy, honest!)

Charity muggers who greet me with outstretched arms (as if attempting to corral a sheep) like a long-lost friend and try to persuade me to sign up to some giving scheme or other.

People who use disabled spaces without being entitled
people who teach their kids that it's Ok to jump the queue
People who don't say "Please" and "Thank you"

"greengrocer's" apostrophes, you know, the ones that use a possessive one for a plural as in "Gateaux's"
Bad English in general, especially when they're in authority over me!

People who say "Nightmare" about something trivial
Ditto "Devastated" Of course you're devastated, you broke a nail!

Using too many exclaimation marks like this post

Bruce Forsyth (postings passim)

ponchos

jesus sandals

people who drop litter

people who spit out their chewing gum - JUST PUT IT IN THE BIN

oh i feel better now !

People who whinge how it's freezing when it's 15 degrees out.

Following on from Sparky: People who say they're starving when all that's happened is they've skipped lunch.

Women who wear thongs, low cut jeans, have ethnic tatoos above their arses and have a preponderance for bending down in the aisles in Tesco's.

oh, and wear white, stilletoe shoes with jeans

People with overly loud voices. Apart from Brian Blessed.

The postmans inability to close the sodding gate so I have to go and drag my dog out of the next farm.
The fact that however recently you've hoovered there will still be dog hair in at least one corner of the room.
People constantly asking me if it's going to rain. I don't know, if I had a degree in meteorology I wouldn't be working here. Look out of the door, if you're not sure then take an umbrella.
Umbrellas.

People who stand up early on trains and walk to the doors so they can open them and get out as soon as the train reaches the platform.

Announcements on the train "apologising for the delay", when no reason or attempted explanation for the delay is given or deftly avoided with a generic "caused by delays with a proceeding train". WTF is that meant to mean? What is the point. The usually insincere sounding 'apology' alone is of no worth whatsoever.

The phrase "at the end of the day". Outside of a football analogy this term should never be used.

Adverts for hand painted plates or genuine mini scale replicas of famous football stands or grotesque poreclain china dolls that appear in sunday paper magazines.

Telephone sales. Especially the ones who have computers that dial several prospective numbers and then connect their monkey operative to the first one that answers. The amount of times I have answered my phone to be met with silence as the computer has left be hanging is uncountable.

Things getting stuck in your back teeth.

Cold callers who don't understand the word 'no'.

People who don't understand sarcasm.

The fact that there is no way to convey sarcasm in h2g2 posts.

Microsoft have a sarcasm smiley for gawds sake, and Americans aren't meant to understand the concept.