h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Not having any salt and vinegar crisps when you really feel like them

Grrrrr, that entry was only funny when listed directly after the previous one Why are all my postings these days happening at the start of a new dot?

Note to self- *check previous posting number before posting*

My son constantly interrupting me during Doctor Who.

Being on a diet. No crisps, no chocolate and no soft drinks.
Having to rely on my self-restraint

Having no self restraint at all for cheese and onion crisps

People who ask for a train timetable, then immediately ask me what time the trains are. I'm not a walking timetable, I need to look at the timetables as well.

Spectrum

Late running trains or worse cancelled trains

I have now put a chocolate bar and a gatorade next to the bag of crisps on the virtual table, next to an Italian Train Timetable[ they run to the minute]

I could really get to like being a cyber psycho sadist!

Carlyle Ferris [Dr. entomology]

Think you need a much bigger table

People who say "You'll have to..." when they mean "I would like you to..." or "It would be good if you..."

For example: "You'll have to show me those pictures" or "You'll have to change that." I don't have to do anything, mate.

*gives Dr Ferris a virtual slap*
Actually I'm okay now, being doing it for 5 days, don't really fancy any of the things I'm not allowed
Petty hate: when you have to bleach your hair twice so you can get it suffieciently light to put another colour on it

Ouch!

That magical point at which a wonderful song that you've listened to non-stop ceases to be magical and seems to slow down. The only option is to shelve the CD and bring it back out in at least two years' time.

The new Heinz adverts, they just annoy the life out of me

I've not yet seen it - I don't have a TV in my hall nor have I been watching it much at home or at my b/f's house ... I'm sure I will very soon, though.

People who chew with their mouths open.
People who think introversy is a sign of unhappiness - or worse, illness.
Parents who say "Will you load the dishwasher please?" when they mean "Do it or die."
People who refuse to learn the conventions for laying tables. *grrr*

The 100+ inane postings of drivel you get after every 'H2G2 Announcement'.

Honestly, posting after posting of 'Oh dear, the mice will be unhappy' 'will we ever get logged in again?','My, why do they have to do that now?' etc, etc, etc

And the even more inane small talk answers that follow.

Just read the announcement, accept it, and move on!

Sorry that is a really irrational petty hate- it's just the predictability of it all

Point taken. I just find announcements as a good place to meet new people.

Did someone already mention people chewing with their mouths open? How about snogging in public. Not just kissing but that real full on open mouthed snogging. That 'look at us we're sooo loved up and you aint' public exhibitionist thing. I have a love life and a sex life that I'm very happy with, I just din't feel the need to do it in public.
Well, not sober anyway.

Fast Tractors that drive along at 35mph towing huge trailers. They go just too fast to overtake easily and 25mph too slow to stay behind. At least the old ones did 23mph and you could zip past them easily. Now they use them to go to the agricultural merchants to buy three bags of river pollutant and a couple of Swallow and Swift killer sprays instead of getting the Agricultural Merchant to deliver to everyone on one truck thus saving fuel. Did you know that they are larger than an HGV but you do not need a special licence to drive one. If I remember aright you can drive one at age 16. Perhaps the Chelsea brigade should trade their 4by4's for JCB's; then they could be more of a bloody nuisance than they already are.

C

TV reporters standing "outside" a building. Here is so and so outside Buckingham Palace, outside the Stock Exchange etc. If they can't get in why don't they stay at home and stand in front of a picture.

C