h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

More seriously than my last couple:

If you are omnipotent - then are you able to stop evil but unwilling?
If you're benevolent - then are you willing to stop evil but unable?
If you're omnipotent *and* benevolent - then where did evil come from?
If you're neither omnipotent nor benovolent - then why call you God?

(Adapted from Epicurus, 341-270 BCE)

Don't worry EMR, recpeckham seems to have a major hangup about people being serious on h2g2.

<>

Fnarr, fnarr...

Slightly more serious:

Which was it then? Evolution or creation?

If you're omniscient and know everything, how does humanity have free will? If we don't have free will then why do your minions keep on telling us that we do? If you're not omniscient, why am I asking you questions?

I'd ask him if he could draw me a square whose internal angles don't add up to 360 degrees.

But only after I'd got the results of the winners at Newmarket for the next month tucked safely in my pocket!

marking

Is there a technical manual for the universe?
With step by step guides and pictures?
Handy tips for the aspiting diety?
Decent index, easy to use?
Can I borrow it?
Can I edit it?

yes, yes, yes, yes, no, do I look insane to you

Are you insane?

>>Are you insane?<<

What's your son been up to lately?

Why?

If he had grown a bit older, would he have looked like Charlie Landsborough?

...and are you really Charlie Landsborough's forever friend? Must be a drag.

Charlie's a great guy. I've known him for over 40 years

How about-

*Why do some people think they know what you are all about?*

If heavens so great what are you doing in a dump like this?

The 'other socks' mostly get caught in the washing machine and are finely shredded and flushed away. The rest are under your bed.

Your key's are always in the last place you look because it would be silly to keep looking after you've found them.

People see what they want to see. Personally I often see the equation for the unification theory in my toast. You often see it too but don't recognise it.

Why do innocents/good people die? All my children are put on Earth to learn a sense of morality. These people have served their time on Earth and don't need to stay longer. A brief period of pain is soon forgotten and gives them something interesting to talk about during eternity. When a 'bad' person dies he/she is simply recycled in another body. Over time that has led to a gradual increase in the number of 'bad' people - haven't you noticed that?

Who said I made you in my image? Certainly not me.

Actually I spent about 18 billion of your years coming up with the final design and in the process ruled out:
- a third hand (because it looked so odd)
- Telepathy (destroys freedom of choice and Adam would never have had anything to do with Eve)
- Hair all over the body like the other apes (caused overheating when running)
- Claws (Woman were just too dangerous - they've been trying to get them back ever since)
- Hooves (Pan objected)
- Horns (Got in the way of cave dwellers)

Make you a custom Eve? But I did - you just need to keep looking for her.

Porn star funny faces? I really don't know. I gave them freedom of choice and since I don't bother watching that trash... Oh... and if that makes you wonder why I don't know since I'm omnipitent the answer to that is I know everything I CARE to know.

Read Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy? I helped Douglas write it!

'I'd ask him if he could draw me a square whose internal angles don't add up to 360 degrees.'

Certainly I can but since you only live in 10 dimensions you wouldn't be able to see it. Oh! You didn't know about the other six dimensions did you?

And the answer to next month's winners is simple. You just need to look for them in the fourth dimension.

If God came into a bar and sat next to me I would buy him a He would need it after seeing the state of the planet. Then I would ask him;

1,If you are the father of humanity and all life on earth who created you?
2,If you have a mum and dad who are they and where?
3,What is the purpose of a head louse?
4,Were you drunk when you created the duck billed platypus? To much amber nectar perhaps.