h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Which way did she go?

*the mice burst out of the remains of the tree and chase the Farmer's Wife, with remarkable speed considering they are carrying the glock between the three of them*

*a moment later, more screaming is heard from the kitchen, then a gunshot, then a loud crash*

*Amy relaxes* she doesn't know where the kitchen is but she knows she isn't in it* she takes a mouthful of candyfloss*

This is getting really exciting!

Go Go Go !

Hey! I used to have a knife like that!

<-- ambles to the kitchen door to see what is happening inside.

*All the screaming and noise has finally distracted Pansy from her perusal of the green brochure and she looks up.*

What's happening? Who's banging?

(*aside to audience* I don't know about calling themselves a troupe of actors. There are far more animals on stage than people! I swear they are multiplying as well.)

Ahem! Miss Deedes! Is that lady being chased round the kitchen the owner? Although she looks a bit busy at the moment, I did ask if she was open to offers. I have enough Moxons you know. One of my husbands was very big in trousers. He had a large business and gave me the lot.

Oooooooooooh missus!

**Purr is vigorously trying to unclog his ears with both paws, owing to the loud banging of the Glock brandished by the . His whiskers twitch with the effort and his eyes are shut tight. He evinces what appears to be a huge yawn, rolling his tongue back into his mouth, then out again, clamping his teeth shut at the last. He opens his eyes broadly and velvets his paws, then peers in the direction of the Kitchen.**

[Purr] Maiy the besst "animal" win...

**He then turns his attention to the toppled holiday tree, moves some of the brightly wrapped packages out of the way, then profers his right paw to an indistinct shape crouching in the shadows of the boughs, sporting a large fancy hair bow.**

[Purr] Iff yeou will allow meow to assisst yeou, Thisstle, Ai believe the Farrmerr's Wiffe has deparrted, sso to sspeak. We sshould all be ssafe now. Do come out...

(There's a yelp from outside, the patter of feet on the front steps, the sound of the door handle jiggling as someone tries to enter without success, then B4 bursts through the door with his coattails flailing. He attempts to survey the scene quickly as he continues his head-long rush into the House, only narrowly avoiding a collision with the table displaying the remnants of the gingerbread men.)

Is everyone alright?! I heard a gun go off several times and one heckuva hullaballoo! Anyone hurt? (he pauses, considering) I didn't realize these Pantos could turn violent... or is something else afoot here? (he notices Pansy Ffing in the group) That wasn't you doing all that banging, was it? (gives her the once-over, then grimaces) Uh, never mind...

(He reaches down to examine the TIH&G controls and mutters...)

No provision for flak vests, invisibility, or temporal distortions. Gotta get with the UL / TUV groups and suggest some additional safeguards...

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!

*backs out of the kitchen then turns and runs through the living room and into the garden*

*sound of running footsteps halts abruptly*

Eeeeeeeeeeek! Don't you come near me you durn mice!

*ambles along the path on the west side of the house to watch the action in the front garden*

[Back]: Gorgonzola! How did we get a U certificate with this in the script?

*voices heard in the garden*

1: Go back in the house!
2: Or we shoot again!
3: We will talk in the house!

All:
It's time for a treaty
or else lose your life
We'll put down the gun
If you'll give up the knife!

Enough of your screaming!
Enough of your wails!
We've only been scheming
to keep our poor tails!

1: Back in the house!
2: Back in the house!
3: Back in the house!

*tromps into the main room, scowling ferociously, and lays her knife down on the table*

I did what you told me. I put the knife down. *looks around* Don't let those durn mice shoot me, now!

*moves to the porch and idly browses on the climbing M&Ms while watching the action indoors*

[Front]: Feisty little critters, aren't they?

*Henrietta produces a magic wand from inside her jacket*

Nobody move unless they want to be turned into a pumpkin!

THE TREE IS FALLING! THE TREE IS FALLING!

Did I miss my cue?

*Henrietta points her wand at Chicken Little*

Hocus pocus, golly gosh
Turn him into a large squash

*there is a quick flash of orange light*


Chicken Little will have to decide whether the spell has worked or not

*holding very still*

*Discretely crouches slightly, ready to spring should no one here know the expellearmus spell.*