h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Takes a moment to look around the room. Is surprised that there are others here besides the Stranger.*

Oh! When did you all get here? Who's the stern looking lady? Where did the swan and chicken come from? Anyone have any tea?

*Thistle backs away slowly. She tells herself that she just wants room to manuever when something happens,and something is surely about to happen and she will surely have to react swiftly. Actually,he just wants to put a little distance between herself and whatever traibwreck happens next. Whatever...Thistle soon has backed into the Christmas tree. She becomes trapped in the branches as she topples the tree.*

Um...I'm OK...oooooh!

Er...little help?

*drops her bag in order to help Thistle*

Are you all right, Thistle?

*tries to keep an eye on the chicken with the suspicion that plot is likely to thicken*

If the plot thickens any more we won't be able to move.

*strides into the room from the kitchen, where she has evidently been chopping onions; her eyes are reddened and she smells strongly of that bulb*
*furthermore, she has a large knife clutched rather absent-mindedly in one fist which rests on her apronned hip*

*several wisps of hair escape from a severe bun of gray hair, and she flicks them off her forehead with the back of her other hand*

All right, Deedes. Who are all these people and what are they doing in my house? And who let all these animals in here??

*backs away from the Farmer's Wife, further in beneath the table, hides his head under a wing, hoping that if he can't see her, she can't see him*

**The hackles go up on the back of Purr's neck. He wheels round to glare at the Farmer's Wife and--despite the fact she's carrying a potentially lethal weapon--rebuffs her.*

[Purr] Maiy good woman, therre arre no "animals" here. We arre a trroupe of actorrs. Therre is ssome ssmall differrence, Ai think...

*scowls*

It must be a durn small difference because I sure can't see it.

What are you doing all doodadded up like Wilbur Shakespeare anyhow? Shouldn't you be out in the barn keeping out rats and mice? Git along with you now, shoo!

*looks over her spectacles at the woman with the knife*

Ah. You must be *consults clipboard* the Farmer's Wife. The office will have been in touch. We have an appointment to show someone around the cottage. *consults clipboard* A Mr M. Mouse apparently although the view in the office was that it might not be his real name. Someone taking the mickey, perhaps.

*then seeing the look on the Farmer's Wife's face wonders if it might not be a good idea to follow the beautiful Swan's tactics and take cover under the table*

*covers her mouth, then remembers she's in the audience* Lighten up, you old bat!

*looking across the room*

Who knocked down my tree?? *face red with fury, she strides over to look down at Thistle Howl* What kind of durn dog are you? Who let you in? Git! GIT!!

*notices the gifts on the floor under the wreckage of the tree* hooks the ribbon of one of the gifts on her right horn and attempts to reverse down the Back Passage*

*Waves the green brochure wildly in the air*

Don’t trust her! I have the evidence, all the evidence I need! It’s a conspiracy, that’s what it is! It’s all written down here! It even has a picture of this house!


Er, can you read? I would like to know what this says.

*the barrel of the Glock 9 mm pokes out through the branches of the fallen Christmas tree and points more or less at the Farmer's Wife as she leans down to threaten Thistle Howl*

1: Ready!
2: Aim
3: Fire!

*there is a very loud BANG! and the recoil sends the glock backward into the recesses of the tree*

Eeek!

*runs outside and jumps into the candyfloss bush*

*looks at the remains of her clipboard and then slowly turns to look at the mice*

[Gladys the ]: Wow! Good shot!

*Gladys hurriedly winches herself back up to the chocolate rafters*

*takes the green brochure from Chicken Little*

*peruses it rather slowly*



Well, I didn't get as much tuition as the Step Sisters, because my help was always needed in the kitchen, but I rather think it is something to do with interior decoration of the house.

EEEEEEEEEK!

*kicks the fallen tree with her stout shoe*

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!

*kicks the tree again*

Mice! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

*turns and runs out of the room waving her arms and incidentally brandishing the knife*