h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Please do not post here until you have visited the gingerbread house on Magoose Island.

[ in Boots]

(steps out of the loo, water runs momentarily behind the closing door)
Oops. Hee-hee. Parrdon me while Ai find my way back outsside.
(takes one of the gingerbread cookies and is about to take a bite)

Finally, here it is! It's so...bright...and airy...euwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! They could fix that with some heavy drapes. Sigh, and not a cobweb anywhere!

*she takes a gingerbread man to the kitchen table and begins to decorate him. With her index claw she scrapes off some of the extra icing until she has sample of several colors. Then she draws herself a cup of water to soften the icing and she begins to mix herself some colors she fancies. Soon she has a bit of wet-cement gray and mud brown. She then begins to add yellow to the cheery green icing to get a more bilious tone. She smiles at the gingerbread man*

It won't be long now!

Awww, Rats, I should go back to the Cast room to wait for curtain time?

*looks down at the globs of yucky colored icing she has all over the table.*

You aren't going to make me clean up first, are you?

*begins to leave then stops and sighs deeply*

You gotta leave the set they way you found it, darn it.

*she scrapes the icing off the table*

*seven dwarf heads pop round a corner in space-time-continuum*

Well they're not here...

*the heads plop back out of existence*

*looks around, surprised to see that she and Ripley are the first to arrive (this time around, at least)*

Odd - I could have sworn I saw the mice in front of us...

*inspects the outside of the Gingerbread House*

Perhaps they are inside, making sure that the gingerbread is the genuine article

*spreads a picnic rug out*

We might as well be comfy whilst waiting for the everyone else

*arrives a moment later* Isn't that a lovely walk? Odd that the footpath should be so worn down into the ground when there doesn't seem to be anyone else around, though.

Ah Caer, you are so thoughtful! *stretches out on the grass next to the blanket and basks in the sun* Bring on the cast!

(B4 comes wobbling into view on the path, obviously intent on reaching the GingerBread Cottage as quickly as possible.)

Howdy, Ladies! Ti, good to see you and Ripley. Scratch his ears for me; gotta go. Hey, Caer, nice picnic area. Sorry I can't stop right now; gotta go. 'Lo, Lil. Great Panto. Talk more later; gotta go.

(Just as B4 reaches the mid-point of the path, a large black furry blur whizzes past him, bowling him *rse over teakettle. B4 lies in the settling dust of the path only momentarily, collects his wits, and reaches for his TIH&G.)

That darn Cat! Who does he think he is?! I had dibs on the facility first! I'll show HIM...!

**Purr zooms past B4 leaving him spinning in his wake. Without even a glance behind, the large black cat races toward the GingerBread Cottage as if his life depended on it. He lopes past the Wheedle, Worrit, and Deedes sign and slows minutely in order to grasp the door handle of the Cottage.**

[Purr] Almosst therre...

(B4 appears between Purr in Boots and the door of the Cottage.)

Hah! Get back, you big fur-ball! I got here first!

(He shoves Purr back away from the door, then dodges into the Cottage himself, scanning for the right door to the loo. He starts toward it.)

**Purr is taken aback by B4's actions, but recovers instantly and slams through the door after him. He sees his goal, notes B4 is almost there, and springs across the room. He collides with B4 and they both tumble and roll the few feet remaining to the loo. They both try to stand and reach for the door.**

[Purr] Ai think not, little man! Ai am much ffasster than yeou!

(B4 manages to nudge past Purr, despite the cat's purported agility and opens the door to the bathroom. He starts to enter in front of Purr, grinning in spite.)



Oh, yeah? Then how come I'm in the door and you're still standing th--

**Heedless of the consequences of overloading the small room's occupancy limit (thereby breaking the fire code guidelines), Purr grabs B4 and slings him back out of the bathroom. Purr spins to take the final step into the room and swiftly closes the door behind him.**

[Purr] Ai win!

**Suddenly, from behind the closed door, comes the sound of a SPLASH!**

[Purr] (muffled muttering complaint) Grrrrrr... every act, every scene...

**There are a few more unmentionable sounds, then slowly Purr exits the bathroom, hanging his head. One of his boots is soaking wet to the calf.**

[Purr] Don't assk...

*ambles up the path, humming a tune*

[Front]:


How many kinds of sweet flowers grow
In an h2g2 garden?
We'll tell you now of some that we know
Those we miss you'll surely pardon
Aniseed and lemon drops
M&Ms and lollipops
Sugar canes, smarties and pink candyfloss
Peppermints, liquorice
All that you could wish
In an h2g2 garden

Well, here we are. What a lovely spot. Location, location, location.

*applauds*

Another excellent panto rendition!

I must reserve the CD at Amazon.

*bends her front leg and does a little nodding bow*

[Front]: There will be a special edition with extra tracks.
[Back]: Yeah. The ones the mad cow forgot to sing.

*hurries up the path*

Is everyone here? Did we lose anyone in the haunted forest?

Here I am!

Cinders isn't far behind.

My, what a lovely little cottage. I see it's for sale, could be just the place to settle down.