h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*follows skullock but stays on the edge of the trench looking over wide eyed.*

oooooh, i never knew you could do that with a bayonet ow, thats gotta hurt i'm pretty sure he'll miss that. oh look. you've made your uniform all bloody. i don't have anything for that i'm afraid.

I'm currently using a Mauser that i stuck a bayonet on.



*Continues his killing spree.*

*chews a jacobs cracker and nods approvingly. shoots a good guy who is trying to scramble out of the trench*

*lights a cigar and sticks it in his mouth, puffes it a bit, then continues to strafe Creachy and Skullock, while halving several other og the enemy (bad guys)*

*protects himself from the 'strafe'-ing with an anti 'strafe'-ing thingy. (what is to 'strafe') and pulls his luger level with allestors kneecap....pulls the trigger*

*whacks Creachy in the hand with the extremely hot barrel of his Bren Gun, which forces the gun asside befor the bullet can shatter HDS's kneecap*

*HDS now pulls the trigger of his Bren Gun, sending several large and painful .30 calibre bullets at Creachy's gut*

strafing is pointing a gun in the general direction of a target and pulling the trigger, it is effective against multiple clustered targets, even more so when using a fully automatic weapon such as a Bren gun or a Browning .50 Cal

oh

*jumps down an open manhole like lightening as the bullets skim the top of his helmet as he disappears into the darkness*

*HDS drops a satchel charge down the man hole then quickly recovers and runs away down the line.*

*jumps in a crater, pulls out the pin from his grenade and waits. 1 second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds*
EAT THIS!
*throws the grenade, it explodes right above the enemy's trench, very effectively spreading the frag as far as possible*

*the satchel charge detonates, the ground swells up, then skinks down. A nearby combat engineer runs over and throws some boards down after bolting the manhole shut and HDS resumes his position at his .50 cal and resumes his firing at the enemy*

And now...silence falls over No-Man's Land...the guns are silent...the only sound, a distant birdcall...and the eternal sleep...of the heroic dead.

This is Vincent Smeddingly-Baskerville-Legion, OBE and Bath, reporting from a bombed-out waffle-farmer's hut somewhere in Flanders, Belgium.

*Approaches one of the fighters*

So tell me, young man, what's it all about? War, eh? Eh?

*the soldier turns towards him, his eyes cold and distant, and he speaks in a hollow flat voice*

[Soldier] well, Arch-Duke Franz Ferdinand was assassinated by a Serbian National. When the leader of the Austro-Hungarian Empire declaired war on Serbia for the murder of his heir. Upon hearing this, Russia declaired war on the A-HE, so as to protect the Slavs in Serbia. Germany declared war on Russia in support of its ally, the A-HE. During the War, Germany declared war on France and attacked it so that they could finish the french off and be sure that they had a unified front against Russia, unfotrunately for them, the British and later the Americans rescuied france from the brink of German defeat. and so here we are.

*walks up and down the trenches speaking to the men*
Right boys, it seems General blowhead has decided to sacrifice another 50 000 men just to move his liquor cabinet 5 inches closer to Berlin. We attack in... Oh damn my watch stopped.
*looks at a soldiers clock*
Ahh, right uhmm... the assault begins in... now.
ATTACK!

*fires at any soldier who dares to go over the top and into no man's land.*

*jumps out of a manhole cover 150 feet in no-mans land looking rather sooty but still chewing the butt of a cigar. pulls a bren up with him and lets rip in the general direction of the good guys bunker accidently shooting one of the cameramen.*

*Lights and tossess a bundle of dynamite at Creachy.*

I don't think that the Central Powers had Brens*

*Contiunes rampaging through expendable soldiers.*

*tossess some more dynamite bundles at the enemy's expendable soldiers and watches as their limbs fly into the air on detonation*

*the good guys trench begins to shake, dirt and sand falls down into the trench as an enormous shadow falls over the men. Three Mk 1 Tanks are rumbling towards the bad guys trenches, unstoppable*

*unstoppable for any mere mortal that is. a darker cloud than that of the mustard gas eclipses the already dim sun. the shaking of the Mk1 tanks is intensified as a horde of skeletal soldiers erupt from the ground before tham. before any reaction can be actedthey have swamped the tanks. they are, of course, still moving. but the skeletal soldiers have now gained access to them by ripping off the hatch with their supernatural strength. the tanks have turned and are now heading towards the Good Guys bunker.
more and more soldiers pour from the gaping scar in the ground. charging towards the trench, swords and rifles raised. the scream of the dead army penetrates the very soul and sends freezing shivers to the heart of any decent man.*