h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Feeling refreshed with his newly healed leg, Skullock readies the rifle that was slung across his back.*

*tosses a grenade at Skullock*

*Catches the grenade and throws it back.*

*smacks it away with his helmet, it explodes and wounds a radio man. HDS signals to the mortar crew to lob a few shells Skullock's way, they do so*

*Gets that sick feeling you get when you know something very bad is about to happen.*

*Something very bad happens*

*Mortar shells rain from the sky, dust and debris fills the air. A choking haze blots out all the light from the area in which skullock was standing. A panic stricken Skullock charges through the clowd, pelted by shrapnel and other bits of the surrounding area he falls to the ground bloodied and buised.*

*opens fire on Skullock with his .50 cal*

*calls in radio*
-Ghost 1 this is ghost 2, arty support hit target, redirect coordinates from Alpha-Three to Alpha-Four over.
radio/-Roger Ghost 2, previous coordinates were Alpha-Three, new coordinates are Alpha-Four, is that correct? Over.
-That's affirmative Ghost 1, over.
radio/-Ok Ghost 2, mortar rounds are on their way, over.
-Thanks Ghost 1, out.
*just as the dirt stops cascading up the air on the previous location, a new round of blazing flashes hits to the right of the trench Skullock was in, close to spook*

~In the Trenches, where the metal hits the meat~

*HDS grabs his own radio while firing with his machine gun*

-HMS Dreadnought, this is "Watch Dog" do you copy, over.

-The Dreadnought is under fire from the German Fleet, this is the Hood, over.

-Could you put some steel on the German line?

-Aye "Watch Dog we can, over.

-Excellent Hood, good shooting, over.

-Bag yourself a couple for us, "Watch Dog", over.

~In the English Channel~

*As smoke washes over the Dreadnought and her German adversary while the trade salvos, the Hood swings her guns to the port side, they rise majestically to the optimum 45 degree angle and fire in unison. As the shells scream away towards the German line the Hood rocks slightly to the port with the recoil.*

~Back in the trenches~

*HDS watches as the 15 inch (that's about 40 centimeters) shells explode near the German (Bad guys') trench*

-Ghost 1, this is Ghost 2. HMS Hood has taken over arty support, you can call off the shells now, over.
-Roger Ghost 2, shells are off, over.
-Thanks Ghost 1, over.
-Good luck Ghost 2, out.
*calls Watch dog*
-Watch dog, this Ghost 2, We've have no contact with Ghost 3, can you see them? They should be on coords Bravo-Five. Over.

-Ghost 2, this is watchdog, he seems to be in a heavy cross fire over, his rifle's trashed, he's holding them off with a revolver and some grenades, looks like he could use som support, over.

*Strafes Ghost 3's enemies with his machine gun then goes back to shooting at Scullock and Spook*

-Hood, you finished reloading? over

-Not yet, it'll take a bit, over

-Fire when ready gents, over

-Aye Watch Dog, we will, over

-This is Ghost 2, copy that Watch Dog, keep supporting Ghost 2, I'll go around the west flank, try to circle them in, can you see amount of enemy activity there and advise wether or not to call in arty strikes? Over.
*heads for west flank, with his BAR and Radio*(ignoring 1916 most unportable radio's-it's easier)

*covers Ghost 3 some more, then swings around to Spook and Skullock before they can take advantage*

-A few mortar salvos should get you in, their radio is trashed so you'll have to call it in on your own, I'll support when I can, over

-Thanks Watch Dog, out.
-Ghost 1 this is Ghost 2, I need arty support, over.
-Roger Ghost 2, give us coordinates, over.
-Coordinates are following Ghost 1: Bravo-Seven, over.
-Roger Ghost 2, coordinates are: Bravo-Seven, is it correct? Over.
-Affirmative Ghost 1, Coords are accurate, over.
-It's on the way Ghost 2, over.
-Thanks Ghost 1, out.
*The mortar shells cover the whole flank in dirt, smoke and fire, Rimmer swings over the top of the trench and makes a run for it*
AHHHHHHH!!!

*fires support for Rimmer, hoping he doesn't call the whole German Army's attention to him with his screaming*

*covers spook in bullets*

*jumps out of open manhole carrying a luger. starts shooting at the good guys from behind an exploded tank*

*A battle crazed Skullock charges forth from the dust and smoke, advancing quickly on the "good guys". Blood flows from a gash in what used to be the side of his head. bullets blaze from the barrel of his gun, instilling fear in all who see him.*

*eats a banana whilst skullock goes crazy*

do you want a plaster for that. i should have one on me, i always carry my medi kit

*Creachy's words fall upon deff ears as the only voices he can hear are in his head screaming "KILLLLLL". Consumed with blood lust He fixes a bayonet to his rifle and dives into the enemy's trench.*

*HDS ducks the luger wielding Creachy and the unspecified weapon weilding Skullock. While ducking, HDS picks up his mighty Bren gun and strafes both*