h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*just then, the messenger arrives, bearing the baskets of crudite, bread, cheese and wine from the Atlier*

well, what do you know, billy? a nice little spread has just arrived. are all the apes and webjellos sufficiently detained that we may enjoy a nice repast?

Aaahhh, a bit of nosh!

It does seem a little impolite to tuck in in front of our captives, you know Geneva Convention and all that.

But I don't suppose Lil has received any Red Cross food parcels whilst this sorry lot has had her incarcerated.

*Pulls himself upright and attempts to dust himself down with the hat*
Aww would you look at that, my hat has a hole, my suit needs a serious brushing and I seem to have got a bit of brush wood jammed up my barrel. At least we seem to be getting the upper hand though.
*Limps back to the coach and takes a grateful seat*

/* Hands Munchkin a cucumber sandwich. */

How do we find the hideout? Torture?
/* Takes out stapler, then looks at the propane torch. */
Or Torcher?

*to Billy the Kid*

No take me to crazy wooden house that moves as Indian not like woman with red hair. She bad to Indians .

Let poor Joe go, yes ? If you let Joe go, Joe will show you where supplies are hidden. Deal, yes ?

*struggles a bit*

[Zero] If we agree to that, I'm keeping really close watch on him.

Are there no hoof prints from Doc Hollijello's horse we could follow?

*helps herself to a cucumber sandwich*

Good thinking T!

These cucumber sandwiches are delicious, just a hint of freshly ground pepper always brings the flavour out.

Very nice sandwiches indeed. You wouldn't happen to have a spot of tea would you? I think following the Doctor fellow is probably our best plan, with these ruffians as a bargaining chip if needs be.

*shakes head clear of backlog*

sorry about that, guys.

i'll ride behind the coach and keep an eye out for ambushes.

*hops on horse*

[Zero opens his mouth to say something]

[X] No "gorse bush" Winnie-the-Pooh jokes.

[Zero] Nutbunnies.

*Also tries the cucumber sandwiches.*

A very civilized posse, this one. I have some tea in my thermos, Munchkin.

*Takes the thermos from her tote bag and passes it to the debonair gentleman with the hole in his hat.*

You would look even more debonair with a feather through the hole in your hat.

Uhm, sea, you're a bit late in watching for the ambush.

/* Notices that Matina has included gourmet dog food in the vittles, and places them on the floor for Zeppo and the pugs */

*While the posse is distracted, spurs his horse*

Yeeeee-haaaaa! Giddyap!

* The Sunjello Kid's horse trots over to where Butch's horse is tied to the coach.*

Nah! Th'other way. Giddyap! C'mon, Betty. Git! Git the other way!

*Wobbles in his saddle trying to get Betty to escape down the path. Betty turns and looks at Sunjello, then nuzzles Butch's horse.*

Dang! If I cerd only move my arms! Betty, git!

Now isn't that sweet?

*grabs hold of the reins, but allows horses to nuzzle*

[X] You guys go ahead and have lunch. I'm going to scout around... [exits]

[Zero] [to anyone who wonders] We don't eat.

Thanks, X, appreciate you sharing the duties.

*to the party in the coach* Is there anything with real meat in there?

Lissen, the trail is loud and clear -- they're all using horseshoes with a triple R stamped on the brand... just like that there belt buckle that jello is wearing. Wonder what outfit has a RRR brand? Wonder what it stands for...

Anyway, it couldn't be much easier to follow them than if they was riding elephants.

*to Two Jellos* Calm down, fella. What red-headed woman?

*Stuffs the last of a cucumber sandwich in his mouth.*

Well, well. Looks like we got 3 of them, now. I think it's probably safe to let this Indian take us to the supply cache - if he tries any tricks we have two of his companions to, um, wreak vengeance on.

Is everyone done their snack? Ready to move out?

*grunts*

Montana woman beat Indian at creeping Much humiliation for poor Joe .

You hungry now ? Joe knows where Jello Gang stash their baked bean food supply.

*points to a cache of supplies on the side of the trail hidden by leaves and other woodland detrius*

You let Joe go now ?