h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* Gallops up behind the redheaded woman *

I'm sure the loverly lady don't wanna ruin such a purty dress, so I suggests she drop the weapon afore I fill it with holes.

*looks up at the top of the cliff*. Ah, dash it. A Damsel in Distress. Now I wonder how I can get up there.
*Begins to stealthily move through the bushes at the edge of the cliff. Not much point really as his white suit stands out a mile, especially with his hat in such a state*

*looses off a bolt as a warning shot to the Sunjello Kid*

*shouts from the coach*

Watch it chum, my laser sight is just above your left ear!

[Zero] [jumping off the coach (they were on top of it, by the way) and taking aim] Yeah! And the First Law prevents me from harming (or allowing harm to come to) humans ... but not Jello or apes!

[X] [still on the coach] I hate it when he does that.

*Butch Webjello gallops around the bend behind the stagecoach and opens fire. His buddy had already veered off and climbed the hillside to the upper path. Butch leaps from his horse and crouches behind a boulder. The horse makes its way up the slope to the ambushers.

Butch fires on the stagecoach from behind, while the boulders still tumble down towards it from above. The goo spruce still blocks the way forward.*

*Hears gunfire from around the bend and reins in his horse. Tethers the horse to a bush and creeps forward on foot. Peers around the bend and takes in the situation. Climbs up the hill a short way and moves around behind Butch Webjello, with a boulder for cover.*

THROW DOWN YOUR GUN, JELLO, AND PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!

Ooops! I forgot to check this conversation! Sorry...



*T. comes gallopping on Gandalff*

YIHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!</>

*shoots two arrows at webjellos ahead, who suddenly start feeling even jellier than usual, when the green, tiny flames starts melting them*

*Narrowly avoids being hit by a boulder as he continues to climb the hill/cliff. Picks himself up and continues on up muttering*
The cleaners bill for this suit will be enormous.

*seeing that the rest of the posse is dealing with the hostiles, Amos decides to deal with the tree. Looks up to the roof of the coach*

*X does that fancy gun of yers got a laser on it? If you or someone could saw this tree into checkers, we could move along!

*suddenly, the sunjello kid is enveloped in treacle*

it always pays to have a back shooter!

*Whips around at the sound of the voice behind him. Sees that there is no escape. Slowly lowers his gun and drops it at his feet. Even more slowly raises his hands.*

*When the goo spruce fell across the trail, it caught Billy on the wrong side of it, separated from the rest of the posse. He rode Dandy up a trail a ways where he could see the attackers from an angle, and popped off some shots from his .44, but now decides that they are handling the situation OK*

I'm gonna scout ahead!

*wheels Dandy and gallops down the trail*

*Finally scrambles to the top of the cliff. Spots the Sunleoo Kid getting enveloped in treacle. Is so surprised by this turn of events he slips and tumbles all the way back down the cliff again.*
Ooooohhhhh bboootthheerrrr!

*Warily steps out from behind the boulder, gun in hand, eyes not moving from the desperado in front of him. Walks down to the webjello and kicks his gun away from him.*

Okay, face down on the ground. Now!

*Looking for his chance, but not seeing it yet, Butch reluctantly lies on face-down on the ground.*

You'll be sorry for this!

*Coming round a bend in the trail, Billy sees a remuda of saddled horses being guarded by a single jello*

*throws down his winchester* Hands up!




Historical note: if a man "throwed down" on another, he was dropping the muzzle of his gun or rifle into firing position, i.e., aiming at the victim -- not tossing his arms on the ground!

Well, this seems to be going quite well must be nearly time for another snack or four.

*rummages in pockets and find somes rope*

Hmm, I'm not sure how successful tying up jello would be, perhaps what we need is some quickset extra thick custard.

Yeah, well, we'll see.

*Pulls the jellos arms behind his back and ties them there.*

Okay, up with you.

*Pulls the webjello to his feet and crouch-runs with him to the stagecoach.*

Look what I caught!

Exellent! Maybe we can arrange a hostage trade.



Take us to your leader, you slimey thing, you.

Nice and easy, now, take yer left hand and drop that gun on your right hip to the ground. No surprises, I just cleaned this gun and the trigger works real good.

*works Dandy through the remuda until he is behind the jello, cutting off his escape*

OK, let's move back to the coach with all these fine mounts, shall we? Git up, there!

*the horses toss their heads but move quietly back to where the posse is stalled*