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| About Me | Contacting Me | Edited Entry | Literature | Miscellaneous | My Campaign, The Council and The Fan Club | My Titles |

Please note that this page is meant to be viewed in Brunel or Alabaster and not Classic Goo. Sorry for those who do not use Brunel or Alabaster. It was also meant to be viewed using Netscape 6.2.3 or higher or Microsoft Internet Explorer 6. Again, sorry for those using other Web-Browsers. Thank you for your co-operation.1
Si vous-voulez voir cette
If you would like to see this
page en Français, s'il vous plaît,
page in French, if it pleases you2,
appuyez sur le
click on the4
Alas, however, they seem to have removed it due to the fact that it was not in English.

In memory of my beloved Uncle, the Patch Master B*****d himself, Herny Reich, who died on Friday, September 20, 2002.5

All things must pass. All things must pass away.6
-George Harrison

Requiescat in pace7, John8 et George9.

George Harrison10
This is the photo that appears in the White Album.

Greetings and Salutations!

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For the first time in history, I should like to put my Full Ceremonial Title. It is this: Arch-Blump Presently11, The Cynic; Chairman of the H2G2 Awards Council; Co-President of the Brunel Fan Club12; Ex-Assistant Community Director13; Guru; Keeper of Silly-Ba-Billy Type Poetry, Highly Fascinatingly Interesting-ish Stories and Most Other Types of Thingammajjigeebbobbers to Which I Like (Quite...) and Possibly Other Such Things to Which I May or May Not Like (Including Some Forms of Music and Musical Instruments)14; Member of the H2G2 Musician's Guild; Muse of Physics and All Related Topics, Subjects and Things15; Pianist at the H2G2 Symphony Orchestra; Royal Musical Conductor for the Kingdom of Balwyniti (I'm a Q16, too!). Note Bene:17 you don't have to memorize this.

I have joined the Guide because I fell that I have much to contribute to the Guide. Some might be silly, some might be informative. However, you will be able to rely on its accuracy (unless otherwise noted).

I have many interests ranging from music (The Beatles, Chopin, et cetera) to physics (and I do love physics) and most things in between (Star Trek books, philology, radios, curling, golf, card games, winter....). I also
have an affinity for writing and acting.

Too 18, I love IndiaMap of India and I think I might go (but, not to Goa). There, I will indeed see the The Taj Mahal Taj Mahal in Agra.

But this is me only in a very small nut-shell19.
I thank you for wasting your time on reading this20. Good-day.

| Blumpism | The Brunel Fan Club | The H2G2 Awards Council |

Enroll! Enroll to One of the Campaigns!21

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The Brunel Fan Club. Co-Run with: Strider is a bit absent for a bit (SubEd).

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I'm a Brunel Fan!
 Brunel: Skin of the Future 

If you are like me and you enjoy the new skin that was introduced with the uprgade to DNA 1.10, you'll be interested to know that, now, you can show it to the world! by enrolling in The Brunel Fan Club. Simply visit the folowing link, make certain you qualify (as you probably will; there's nothing serious) and join! The Fan Club's Home Page can be found at: The Brunel Fan Club.

This List Is Really Long[Super Chronologically Introducing:]StriderArch-Blump PresentlyJonnyICBM182MaWChris ChapmanRoberttacsatduckFrankie RobertoBumblebeeAnd Introducing... A LegNeobradOld Uncle ZarniwoopGalena girl called Benfords_prefectWhoami?

Or, if you like, you can sign up simply by filling out the form here following.

When applying, please add a little bit about why you are applying. And, don't forget to erase this text. :)

The H2G2 Awards Council.

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Everyone likes to feel special. Everyone likes to get awards. At the H2G2 Awards Council, we've taken the best of this and put it into one. So, get your awards here! Simply go to the Home Page, start a conversation saying what award you want and why and, PRESTO! you'll have your very own award complete with Certificate and the entitleation for you to put that award in your name. What could be better? To get your award, visit: The H2G2 Awards Council


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Ladies and gentlemen (and things, if there are any), I am very proud to present to you the first of my own campaignes. These campaignes have been in the workings for quite a while now and the first of them are now ready. It is the campaigne against James Joyce's Finnegans Wake. So, if you'd like to join up, please, just click at the following link. It shall take you to: The Home of the People Against James Joyce's Finnegans Wake. However, if this one is not for you, I am also making a fan club for Gormenghast. Indeed, this following link shall take you to: The Home of the Gormenghast Fans. Watch this site for more up-dates!

The Current BlumpsArch-Blump Presently, Cynic, A.C.E., Keeper, MuG, Muse....

Care for a Tall Tale?

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Prepare Yourself; You'll Need It.

I have been wrighting for quite a bit of my life. However, very few are the persons who can say that they have seen my writing. Some might also say: "And for good reason!". However, there are those who do not have a not-so-quiet appreciation of what I write. But, I am going to let you decide.

For one of the first times, I am going to let the general public have a glimpse into my life. You might not understand it, you might think it funny, you migth abhore it. Whatever you think, I'd love to hear feed-back. So, sit back, relax, have some smiley - ale, smiley - cappuccino, smiley - bubbly, smiley - coffee, smiley - oj, smiley - stiffdrink, smiley - stout, smiley - tea, smiley - burger, smiley - cake, smiley - choc, smiley - corncob, smiley - cupcake, smiley - donut, smiley - flan, smiley - hotdog, smiley - popcorn, smiley - strawberries, smiley - strawberry, smiley - tomato or whatever else may suit your fancy, and read. I give you now, a list of some of: My Works.
Blob designed by: (tonsil revenge)/click on Groucho's nose to visit the AGG/GAG/CAC Homepage.

Post Scriptum23: My Works was also featured in the thirty-fourth edition of the AGG/GAG/CAC column in The H2G2 Post. If you would like to see the actuall column as it appeared that day, here is a link to The Thirty-Fourth Edition of the AGG/GAG/CAC Column of The H2G2 Post.


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How I Wrote this Guide Entry.

If you would like to see how I wrote this site (Id Est: In it's original GuideML format), please, click here.


If you would like to see my conversation, please, click here.

If you would like to see your own conversations, please, click here. Or, if you are using Brunel, simply click on the My Conversations button, located on the left and third from top.

If you would like to know who else is on-line, please, click here. Or, you can see who is on-line at any time by clicking the Who's Online button in the taskbar (Brunel: On the left, fourth from top, Alabaster: At top and bottom, third from the left, Classic Goo: On the left, third from bottom).

I'm Really Not Pompous, but, Well, I Think that this is a Bragging Right.

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Well, if You Will Simply Read on a Bit More, I Shall Explain what I Mean.

For many years now, I have lived in a house that is quite old 24. It has very old doors. Now, because of their immense age, I have often had to repair them. So, one day a few months ago, I started a guide entry about about how I went about fixing them; just some generall tips are what I gave. Well, I put it up for Peer Review, a few people saw. And now, it's been recommended! Now, I shall attempt to control my absolute JOY! None the less, I have good reason to suspect that, one day (hopefully sooner rather than later), it shall be accepted in to the Edited Guide. And, today, it has.

And Now, Some Credits.

| A. C. E.-Ship | Cynic-Hood | Guru-Dom | Keeper-Ship | MuG-Dom | Muse-Dom | Position in the H2G2 Symphony Orchestra | Position in the Kingdom of Balwyniti |

A Little Bit About all of My Titles (Now in Alphabetacle Order25(No, I'm not Pompous but Yes, I Can't Spell)).

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A. C. E.


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Please note that, before you read on, I have defected from the A. C. E.'s. I defected to... The Guru's.

In life, there are some events in life that, admittedly, are more special than others. Your first step, your first word, your marriage et cetera. On H2G2, there is no difference. Some high-lights are: your first guide entry, your first title, your first conversation and, your first title from The Towers. This honour has just been bestowed upon me. Now, of course, we must all attempt to show some form of neutrallity but, once in a while, we can afford to show the convivialism inside. I, however, shan't show it unless forced to. Hey..., what are you doing? Oh no, I feel my convivialism comming on... It's time to convivialise! If you'd like to find out more about the Assistant Community Editors and what we do, please, visit the following link. It shall take you to: The A. C. E.'s Home Page. Or, if you like, you can click on the large badge at the top of this page. It shall take you to the same place.

Here following is a menu with all of the A. C. E.'s.


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A little late (but better late than never (and, in fact, I am a bit embarrased not to have put this sooner)) but here none the less is the blurb about my first title; The Cynic. Now, this title I recieved a while ago and I am still very proud of it. If you would like to join The Cynics, please click on the following link to: The Cynic's Guild (it is also, in fact, the home page of Hunter the Cynic, and his merry band of homemade comic characters. ( Click here to join the cynic's guild, we're still taking m)). Once there (and you qualify with the qualifications), just ask to sign up! It's that easy!

The Current Cynic's Guild RosterHunter the Cynic2legs:Nighthoover High Priest; Questioner: ScapegoatArch-Blump Presently, Cynic, A.C.E., Keeper, MuG, Muse....Athena, Muse of Philosophy, Cynic and Lurker!BassmanChief Constable Jachap of CFU6 Click to discover more CynicClarke The Cynic -Keeper of all things darned (socks/souls).Codpiece Man: Cynic and OBLPSEAeris *I'm retreating for a while, back later*Ex Libris Draconiumex- Rambling :brain-fried this week.Floh Cynic Flying ACE Kilakanega Pirate SPUD ZaphodistaHades and Eden ~Cynics~Munch Dûnadan, The Technical Cynical Heifer & ActorRed Fox: Anarchist, Raving Lunatic, and Cynic Ace. (Tatoo!)SaturnsDaughter Planet of Silence Saturn Ice Fang The CynicSiletta the Cynical Neopagan


Jai Guru Deva. Om.


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You may be asking yourselves why I am using that phrase as one of my sub-headers. Well, firstly, I love the Beatles and expecially that song. Secondly, look at the words. Jai Guru Deva. Om. Can you guess why I used it now? I've been made a Guru. Why? Because I asked to be! And, becasue I feel I am competant enough. So, if you have any questions, ask away and I just might know the answer. If I don't you can choose from one of the others. You can find us either at The Guru's Homepage or on the dropdwon menu provided, for free!, below. Ende.

Here following is a menu with all of the Guru's.


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I am immensly happy to inform you all that I am now Keeper of Silly-Ba-Billy Type Poetry, Highly Fascinatingly Interesting-ish Stories and Most Other Types of Thingammajjigeebbobbers to Which I Like (Quite...) and Possibly Other Such Things to Which I May or May Not Like (Including Some Forms of Music and Musical Instruments)26. Though this may seem like gibberish to some and plain old long and rubbish to all, I can assure you that I chose it with carfully thought out consideration and I am quite proud of it. The following is a link to: The Home of the Keepers.


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Musicians Guild Member
More excellent and good news! (It just keeps comming!) I am now also an official MuG (a. k. a.: Musician's Guild)! The following is a link to: The H2G2 Musician's Guild.
This group of people are a group of people who have grouped together because they have (at minimum) one (1) thing in common: they share a passion for music. I have joined this group for the same reason. I love music: I play music (mostly on the piano but, I hope to change that next year to include the Sur Bahar27), I sing music (I'm biased to the Beatles. Sorry.) and, in fact, I have been in musicals! It is for these reasons that I asked for membership and was granted. If you would like to become one (and you feel that you are qualified), all you have to do is ask politly and they will (most likely) recieve you with open arms!


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And, as of the 26 of January, 2002, I am now also a Muse! I am Muse of Physics and All Related Topics, Subjects and Things. Now, what exactly does this mean? I am, when reviewing this Museddom, Muse of everything (seeing as physics constitues every thing in the known universe. Also, with my inclusion of all related topics, subjects and things, this further increases my museship to include every thing in every universe). If you think me pompus, you are incorrect. I am trully quite humble. The following is a link to: The Musehome.

Position in the H2G2 Symphony Orchestra.

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I am very sorry that it has taken me so long to put this up 28. But, I am now an official pianist in the H2G2 Symphony Orchestra!29 and I am very proud of this. However, I shall admitt some thing. I am glad that this is the H2G2 Symphony Orchestra because, as I have told many people, I refuse to play in public. However, if the orchestra for some reason came across the ocean to where I live, I might participate. Now, I might seem pessamistic about this (I'm a pessamist) but I am very honoured to be a part of this. If you wold like to join (and they do need lots of strings still), please, click on the following link. It shall take you to: The H2G2 Symphony Orchestra

Position in the Kingdom of Balwyniti.

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I am proud (yet humble at the exact same instant!) to announce that I have been accepted into the (almost holy) Kingdom of Balwyniti. I am The Royal Conductor (to express the musician et cetera 30 within). If you would like to visit the Kingdom, please, visit it by clicking on the following link. It will get you to: The Kingdom of Balwyniti

Post Scriptum: If any one can tell me how much a bagpipe would cost in Canadian dollars, please let me know.

Post Post Scriptum: I would like to know why so many reaserchers have so many names in parenthesis. How does one go about
getting these?

Post Post Post Scriptum: If any one knows how to read and write shorthand, please, let me know.

Post4 Scriptum: If any one knows Latin, do not hesitate to tell me.

Post5 Scriptum: If any one knows where I can find an audio clip of a Sur Bahar on the internet for me, do tell me.

Post6 Scriptum: I found one so you can disregard the last post scriptum.

Post7 Scriptum: You can disregard the first Post Scriptum.

Post8 Scriptum: You can disregard Post Post Scriptum.

Contacting Me.

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My E-Mail.

If you'd like to E-Mail me, please, feel free to do so. Simply click on the folowing link, type your H2G2 name in the subject and, as if by magic! I shall respond. Ready? Alright. Click here!

Ithican Number.

Alright. If you've come this far, I think you're entitled to know that I have Ithica (ICQ). So, if you want to contact me, I'll give you the ICQ#. Sort of. I'll give you the formula to get it; simply plug in the numbers and, if you're right, you'll get me. If not, you shan't. If you do find it out, please say in your opening message your H2G2 name and that you solved the euqation. So, here it is. Oh, you aught to note that it isn't fully finished yet.

(Pi less the decemals) + (The number of rulers of the U. S. S. R.) x (Number of Beatles) - (Number of time zones back from G. M. T. Montreal, Canada is) x (Number of Star Trek movies as of the First of January First, 2003) x (Number of Star Trek series as of January First, 2003 (including the animated series)) - (Year the Beatles broke up) + (The answer to life, the universe and everything) x (the number of characters in the sentance: "How much wood can a woodcuch chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?". Hint: it isn't 54 and it does not include the quotation marks.) + (the number of dots or dis in the number 5 in Morse Code) x (number of petals in the ICQ flower) + (number of keys on a standard telephone (not the hold, redial et cetera keys)) x (number of meters in a kilometer) - (number of digits in the number 63) x (number of hole in Blackburn, Lancashire acording to the song A Day in a Life by The Bealtes) x (the par of a regular golf course (it's 42 + either 20, 30, 40, 50, or 60.)) + (the number of holes in a regular golf course) - (number of books in the Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy Trillogy (if you will))

Blump! Here's me kiwi.

1Can you guess why these things are true?2This is the exact translation; the English equivalent would be please.3This is a message that one will some times recieve when calling a buisness phone number. The actuall message is: Si vous-voulez continuez en Français, s'il vous plaît, appuyez sur le neuf; If you would like to continue in French, please, press on the nine.4In Québec (where I live), Bill 101 declares that the English on a sign must be at least half as large as the French (should there be any English). There must, however, be French. For more information, please visit The Charter of the French Language; Bill 101.5Please see Of the Founding of the B*****d Patch for the story behind why I am naming my Uncle the Patch Master B*****d.6A song from his first debut album of the same name.7Latin for Rest in Peace.8John Winston Lennon (1940-1980).9George Harrison (1943-2001).10I did not write this guide entry; credit must go to: Bluebottle The Sandwhich Maker - Why all the fuss about the Ninth of November?.11I chose Presently because I had been reading Frank Herbert's Dune and I noticed that he used the word "presently" a lot. So, I invented a thing where, whenever I saw it, I would wave my pinky finger at it. After a while, it became (purposly) a part of my speech and so I thus named myself.12I had actually invented the first club, "The Honourary Society for the Appreciation of Brunel" a few days before but decided to remove it of it's existance and go with the present one.13I defected to the Gurus.14I tried to think of the longest title I could. I came up with that.15That means, essentially, every thing.16Yes, that is a Star Trek allusion.17Latin for Note Well.18If you've read the book The Aquitaine Progression, you would most likely understand.19Allusion to some thing some one said.20A play on words of the logo of the Arts and Entertainment Channel (A. & E.)'s "It's time well spent".21Beatles' allusion to the song "The Magical Mystery Tour"'s first line "Roll up! Roll up to the Mystery Tour!".22The word Blump has an interesting history. You see, I had thought that I'd invented it and had been using it for a few weeks not knowing what would happen. At the time, I had been reading Finnegans Wake by James A. A. Joyce. And, what word do you think was in there, written about seventy (70) years prior to my creation? Blump! So, in fractruthrallity (now there's a Finnegans Wake-ism; can you find all seven (7) words?), I did not invent it. Blast!23Latin for: After Text.24It was built around 1915.25Seeing as there are indeed so many and I want to show neutrality to all of them so as not to offend any one.26I know this is a long title; I did it on purpose. I wanted the longest title that I could think of. There it is. And the best of it all: It all makes sense and is the truth about me.27See the bit about India and myself28At the time, it had been many weeks.29I say an because there are multiple indeed.30I say et cetera because a conductor can also be interpretted as being a train conductor. I also love trains. So, it has a double meaning.

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