h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

sends over to rimmer with encrypted map to where she is hiding with her captive flb*

Death dog I think you may be eating a potato. JR just handcuffed FLB and ran off with him. I don't know if I should follow.
*perplexed by his situation, minion farts*
Oh yea.

*Burns map after looking at it!*

*somewhere in an as of yet undisclosed location, jr takes the towel off og flb's head* you are my prisoner now bunnyman, i will force you to comb my hair and organise my shoe collection*

oh, no not tied up. *so death dog chops himself in half w/ his ax and sticks himself back together. then unties minion* come on lets get him.

*suddenly fuzzy wakes up in a towel and vomits...*
what in the ... ?
*he snaps his fingers...a trick he learned from captain obvious...er...rimmer...and disappears into a tree.*
hey minion? i sum
they death dog? quit eating rabid squirrels and loose the weapons...we cannot hurt them and they cannot hurt us...
*takes knife from belt buckle and stabs self in temple of head...*
*eyes roll and ...*

He is not here any longer!

*fuzzy's body floats into the sky and is intercepted by a random ufo flying thru the deepening sky*

Nooooo!!
Bunny you must continue to fight.
*minion grabs Death dog and proceeds to beat the crap out of the good Captain's hologram

*Snaps fingers and disappears*

Oh imagine that death dog.
he snapped his fingers and disappeared.
*minion snaps his fingers and farts*

Well that was totally unexpected.

*sits on the floor in her hideout surrounded by shoes crying*

Well death dog *Rabid beaver runs across minion's path*
Die beaver!!!
*minion chases beaver swinging Death dog like a baseball bat*

ahhh... don't cry jr, we'll get him next time!
*snaps fingers and flowers apperas in his hand *
Here!

*Minion, still carrying Death dog, falls into a hole finding the odd couple of JR HUXLEY and THE GOOD CAPTAIN*

Ahh, what do we have here??? Cute couple but I don't think the match was made in heaven.

*minion swings death dog at The (probably a hologram) Captain and grabs JR*

*the ghost of fuzzy appears, floating...*
snapping of the fingers shows cowardice minion, do not resort to such wimpiness...
and death dog...join me in the afterlife...it is much better than fighting these potato scum...
and jr...quit you're cryin you big baby...
*winks*
i'll be back...
destroy them fat boy ...
*points to minion*

flowers won't work twerp...
only the magic of english tea...
which you cannot make...
*snaps his fingers, nothing happens, shoots bird...*

*having gotten the word from the Bunny, Minion begins to expand in the little hideout*

You have no chance here tomatoes!!!!

*as he fills the room magma begins to incinerate everything*

HA Ha!!

*Feeling that he has almost destroyed everything, minion sticks his head out of the hole he made to find the Rabid beaver*

Hello beaver,
*The beaver responds "eat me", then bites minion on the nose*
Oh no you did not you little fur coat.
*Minion quickly deflates and climbs out of the melted room*
come here you turd

yawns
*misses fighting but now he no longer has a headache and the aliens are really nice. they told him he is not dead, they revived him and made him invincible, with impermissable skin and ability to change to different heights at will, and everytime someone snaps their fingers he becomes even stronger than invincible. in fact his only weakness is love...*
descends to the ground and walks towards the enemy