h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Jolly good, well here is me watnot.

I was in the RAF as a Hurricane pilot during the Second Great War, was a major and ranked with 32 confirmed kills. Inherited the Wonderful estate after the war and got my Lordship dont you know. Spent some time in Whitehall but probably more on the old golf course. Lately I have been working on setting up a distillery and have been finding ways of making my own tipple. Wonderful stuff.

Favorite Tipple:

Favorite Newspaper: The Times

Hobbies: Golf, the ol' distillery and avoiding all this new fangled technology.

Splendid, old boy, simply splendid ! Had no idea you had blue blood in you. Never was very good in figuring a Chap out though, what !

Have updated the article if you wanted to toddle along and see it.

One just cant be considered so highly in an establishment like this without some kind of background now can one.

I say Wonderful old chap, nice to meet you and all that, BUT, when I was in His Majesty's Air Force, there certainly weren't any Majors in it. That's a jolly "Pongo" rank (or should that be "Wrank" Gafffaaaaaawwwwww) Sorry shouldn't laugh at me own jocular output eh what?

Unless of course you were in the "Septics", but there again you would have been flying a Mustang and not one of Hawker's finest.

I think you better explain yerself - or prepare to get de-bagged and thrown in the duck pond as an imposter!!



Squabbling Bleeder Bassman (Retired. Knife Fork Spoon. D.F.C. N.F.I. & Bar)

(For the uninitiated)

Pongo - Wherever the army goes the "Pong" goes.

Septic - Rhyming slang, Septic Tanks (Yanks)



Squabbling Bleeder Bassman (Retired. Knife Fork Spoon. D.F.C. N.F.I. & Bar)

Well Im sorry to have been found out but what I did is still clasified. I was a major and did fly a hurricane though.

Maybe an Esquadrille Layfayette WW2 version Bassers, eh ? A Chaps Club Chap's word is good enough for me what !

Now what about your entry old bean ? Looking forwayrd to something a bit special. Splendid !

What oh Redders!! I'll get to it when I've got a mo.... Too damn busy trying to remember some rum deal involving pongos back in '43. I'll get there if it kills me.

Huuurrruuummmppphhh.



Squabbling Bleeder Bassman (Retired. Knife Fork Spoon. D.F.C. N.F.I. & Bar)

jolly good! biographies! of course, they started Burke's because of my pedigree, what? im related to most of the, ah, encumbants, what?

proper one later. you know me, redders old cahp

what ho bassman! good journey home and all that rot? didnt do anything to cause you to want to avoid me, what?

You seemed to be 'avin a splendid time with the chaps (and chap-esses) you were with, I wasn't trying to be stand offish - no time for that rot - eh what?

We'll have to get more of the chaps - in best bib and tucker - next time, sounds simply spiffin' to me. I'll have to get my man to dig out my Panama hat and Flannels, It's going to be warm on the day I think.

Splendid -



Squabbling Bleeder Bassman (Retired. Knife Fork Spoon. D.F.C. N.F.I. & Bar)

as i believe i didnt tire of telling people, i was going to come in top hat and tails, but, er, forgot you see old chap

Unfortunately Im not going to be here for the big bash whatnot, going over to Africa, seeing an old friend I met in the war dont you know.

ghastly colonials

Quite. But not bad drummers.

Exactly...they stand up straight too ..Ramrod stiff, them Zulu chaps.
It`s all to do with peerin` over the tall grass y`know !

all that rigor mortis our boys keep giving em

Damn Right too!!

Huuurrrruuuummmmpppphhhhh



Squabbling Bleeder Bassman (Retired. Knife Fork Spoon. D.F.C. N.F.I. & Bar)

*snort*

Well you'd better scribble down in that old bio thingy that I like to nod off for the odd forty winks, eh what! Like a bally cat, I am.
Can't seem to keep my eyes open for more than....



...So that of course leads me onto when I left the war- I never talk about rank, old chap, not one to boast and whotnot- got stuck in a job transcribing letters to Blighty for our chaps and chappesses out in the colonies, worked at that until I was taken into hospital to have my old war wound seen to- bally bullet in the nodger, never been the same three ducks since- and when I finally got out I found I was in Switzerland.
Bit of a shock, that.
Posted back home forthwith, never touched a drop since.

Meths, that is...

bravo, so how long til we all get our ol' biographys up then?

Draggin` the old heels, what!
Come on chaps, let `em know who their dealin` with!!