h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*hobbles back into the Club*

Arrgghhh !! Too late old boy, he appears to have given me one in the Orchestra Stalls first !

*checks*

I think the first violin is OK, but one half of the double bass looks a bit orf colour. Hope I`ll be OK for the big night what !

*collapses into chair*

what have yo chaps been DOing? Hmmmm?

*Passes Red Dog a bag of frozen Peas*

Here, sit on these Redders,..should do the trick. Might be a touch painful, mind yer, you`ll just have to grin and bear it,old chap!!

Did wonders for me when I was facin` old Blenkinsop`s full tosses at Lords once, and blinked me eye at the wrong moment!!!

*Passes Red Dog a bag of frozen Peas*

Here, sit on these Redders,..should do the trick. Might be a touch painful, mind yer, you`ll just have to grin and bear it,old chap!!

Did wonders for me when I was facin` old Blenkinsop`s full tosses at Lords once, and blinked me eye at the wrong moment!!!

Yes!! It happened twice!!

Amazing ol chap, I have to say cricket is a jolly good game but can be a tad painful soemtimes.

*bearing it in his chair but not grinning much*

Can I get you a drink RedDog, you look like you could do with one old man.

do OK or do you need a ?

*stumbles back inside, out of breath and shivering*

Fellas... next time you see an ol' dog like me chase after a little filly like that, especially in this cold weather, do 'em a favor...

Remind him to put his britches on!! It's colder than the icestorm of '23 out there!

*searches for pants*

Thanks old bean. An would be tip top at the moment - anything stiff is completely out of the question.

Apollo, dear boy - do avail yourself of this splendid roaring fire over here. No good having a frozen lunchbox, eh !.

Quite generous of you my good man, but I don't know that I would prefer it in flames

He's talking of thawing the ice awf! I don't suppose for one moment that Redders has gone so dappy he'd ask to you cast your tackle to the flames.

Isn't that right, old boy!

I say, whatsisface has woken up.
Yes, I really thought you were a priceless antique, what! All still and covered in dust like that. Nearly spat out my brandy when you moved- bladder's not what it used to be either. Nearly had a job for the washerwoman there!

Give the man a drink, quick, quick

*nads one of the 's from the tray*

I remember once i was at the wicket for 58 days in a row...i made twelve...their bowler wasnt the quickest, i seem to recall...

Hmm, you know this one time I was playing and somebody stole one of the stumps then ran off, very white shirt he was wearing. Odd chap.

Bizarre behaviour.

Uncle - your 58 days at the crease - that wasn't '28 was it? Seem to recall doing a bit of bowling in a match back then. I believe you eventually declared at 96 for 2 in the end, before the match was abandoned when a woman walked into the member's bar....

yes...abandonned for reasons beyond the umpire's control.

i remember why it was i got so few runs! all the other fellows were standing at the wrong wicket!

Those were the days when my googly was the talk of the ladies circle....

Hmmmm, my googly always got hit after hit after hit.... Named a search engine after it, I seem to remember...

Ahem ! Sorry to interrupt the banter Chaps, but thought I ought to tip you orf about about the Chaps Club page at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A685983 .

Took the liberty of assuming you`d like to have a short Bio each so if you could toddle off there and write a few words about y`self I`d be jolly glad and all that. I could have used all your entries in Debretts or Burkes peerage but thought you`d like to do something a little more personal, what. !