h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*sea glowers at affy*

[sea] i'm warning you, young man...

*sea turns to GL*

[sea] motion denied! if you want tea, we'll bring it here! and it's NOT tea time yet, it's only 1:30. if you continue to make these silly motions, i'm going to have you thrown out and assign happydude to be the defense!

*sea bangs the gavel irritably*

[sea] *to red* call your first witless, or make a statement, or something.

I believe what Both GL and Affy are doing is called "Holding up the Proceedings"

Procrastinating a sentence in court is only acceptable to a certain point. After that it is punishible.

The only reason I'm doing this is because I've not been expressly given the right to speaking back. I've got much more to say when I don't have to waste oxygen to say it.

I meant the fact you were doing anything at all that postpones your verdict and sentencing.

Oh, come on now. Things get slowed down all the time on h2g2! Like the adventures, for instance: a two-week long adventure generally gets stretched to two months, or so.

Your honor, I move that the defendant does, in fact, have the right to speak, though in most court proceedings defendants speak through their attorneys, unless actually on the stand.

I further move that we adjurn this hearing and reconvene a full trial some time around Monday afternoon, PST. That should give both the defense and the prosecution time to build their cases.

*By the way, quick guide to STUMPED Court order of procedure:

1. Opening Statement by proseccusion
2. Opening Statement by defense
3. Prosecution presents evidence (calls witnesses, which of course can be cross examined by the defense)
4. Defense presents evidence (see above)
5. Any rebutals, surprise witnesses, and unorthodox, newly uncovered evidence should be revealed at this point.
6. Defense closing statements
7. Prosecution closing statements
8. Twist ending (if needed)
9. Verdict/ sentencing.

Thank you.*

So you're a prosecutor now eh, Red?

[Begins humming "movin' on up."]

Weeeeeel, I'm not sure.

To begin with, I have no evidence, witnesses, or the permission to do so.

That and The Red Masque seems to be doing that job.

[sea] your proposal is accepted, red. proceed.

*Affy checks his watch, and realizes how little time he has left to prepare his defense. Scribbles something on a piece of paper, and passes it to GL*

We need them.

[Drune] [under breath to CATS] What's he doing?

[CATS] [ditto to Drune] Know not I. Like it I do not.

*Reads Affy's note. Nods. Scribbles one back.*


We'll save that one *points* for the "surprise witness" part of the proceedings.


*Stands and approaches the bench.*


Your Dishonour, I believe we are adjourned now, correct? Perhaps you could answer a question. I am unfamiliar with this courtroom and would greatly appreciate directions to the men's room.

Have I been assigned Prosecution?

Whats going on?

[Drune] No, we've just ajourned for a bit ... Did I spell that right?

*Re-enters, looking relieved*

Nope.

Um, Mr. Fox, I believe the prosecution is being handled by The Masque, who is sometimes known as "Red", for short. The confusion with yourself is understandable.

I agree, GL, that last one should be the surprise witness.

*Waits*

Right. Sorry about the confusion, if you want to be called "Red", I can go by "Masque".

I think that, unless sea rules otherwise, any STUMPED members sitting about can simply sit over there in the jury box.

Also, I'm now accepting applications, at my User Space, for anyone who wants to testify against Affy. You'd better have some really good evidence, though. Oh, and if you want to be a witness, you can't be in the jury. That's too unorthodox even for this court!

And one more thing -- will Council (fancy lawyer speak for "Defense Attorney) please show some respect to her Honour?

*sea looks shocked*

[sea] i assure you that i have no idea where the mens room is, nor have i ever been inside it, alone or otherwise! ahem. *points* it's over there... good. masque is masque, redfox is redfox. we all clear?