h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The Masque, DA of STUMPED, sits behind a mahogany desk. Behind him are several leatherbound law books. In front of him are papers regarding the current case against Afgncaap5. He is six feet tall, and is dressed in black and red rennaisance garb (plus the nominal mask). He goes over his list of possible witnesses*

Minos Krymla.
Garius Lupus. (NOTE: Hostile Witness)
Myself.

Hmmm... I can't very well call the judge, I suppose.

*Goes over list of current CLI prisoners*

The Telepathic Goldfish
The Alien Bounty Hunter
The Giant Chicken
The H2G2 Gremlins
Stephanie and Tusk
Afgncaap5's Hyper Doppleganger
Anti-Ampton

I don't recall a trial for Anti-Ampton. Of course, I created him to explode, which means he won't be too happy about me...

*Looks up*

Oh, hello there. How can I help you? Would you like to testify against Afgncaap5?

*H2G2 continuity allows for interesting time portals. The Masque can sit here, watching CLI video for years, and still be able to have the right tape to hand almost immediately in the Court thread.

That's why he's sitting in front of his TV now, with a pile of tapes next to him. He's actually taking the time to go through and catalogue them for CLI, just because he can, and because it will make them look bad.*

*Wonders why all the CLI tapes appear to contain nothing but Affy's collection of Weird Al videos -- realizes they must be encrypted, and decides to enlist the help of Garius Lupus*

*Stumbles in, looking disoriented.*

Wha...Where am I?

*Spots the Masque*

You! This is outrageous! You can't just fling me around in time! You won't get away with this.

[Dylan] [entering] Hi. I'm the teenager IRL who controls all YK's characters. I'm just here to watch.

*FACE appears*

I'm here to watch. This event is a severe turning point for a time line. Due to the importance of it, I'm allowed to view it in person. Aha!

*Watches a fly buzz off of a bookshelf*

My, my! I didn't expect that! This may change *all* of my plans!

*writes the information on an oversized piece of paper*

I have a funeral to go to tomorrow (my Uncle ), then the next day is Saturday, so I won't be here until Sunday. See you then.

Bye, GL. Sorry about the funeral.

Sorry to hear that, GL

*Indcates the subpoena GL is still holding from the previous forum*

That document allows me to view the contense of these tapes, however I find that they are encrypted. I need them un-encrypted, and therefore I *do* in fact have the right to pull you through time.


You can post in the courtroom forum at any time, Gary. Just post that you enter through the second time portal.

*FACE grins mischievously*

*I* could help.

[Dylan] Let me guess: you're not going to.

Thanks for your concern - it's appreciated.

I'm back in the courtroom now, too.


*Looks at subpeona*

Hmmmmm. I only see here where it requires us to turn over the tapes to you. I don't see anything specifically stating that you be allowed to view them.

And besides, I, um, forget the encryption key. Yeah, I forget it.

*grins smugly *

Did you read the back?

This isn't the original subpoena sea gave me in court. I got this one here *points to a machine that is labeled "subpoen-o-matic".

STUMPED Law for Dummies, Article 97, Chapter 3, Verse 15: "When convinient, please ask judge for subpoena. When not convinient, please use the subpoen-o-matic."

This one requires you to de-encrypt these tapes.

[Dylan] Is it based on the product of the number of songs Weird Al Yankovick has written and the cube root of the number of notes he's written?

*arches eyebrow*

*elbows Dylan* shhhhhhhhhh!

*Turns over the new subpoena and reads everything, including the fine print. Grudgingly:*

Wellllll, I suppose everything is in order here.

*thinks quickly*

But these tapes were created using CLI Encrypto-vision, Version 3.2. I only know the key for the most recent CLI tapes created using Ecrypto-vision 4.0. By the way, Version 4.1 should be available at the CLI store soon. If you like, I can take an advance order here.

[Dylan] [to GL] I can screw things up badly if you like.

*FACE watches in amusement*

You know, just think of how boring it'll be to see all of these Weird Al videos. Sure they'll be coded differently, but Al has only made so many tapes. Ricky, I Love Rocky Road, Eat It, Like A Surgeon, This Is The Life, Smells Like Nirvana, Fat, Jurassic Park, Amish Paradise, The Saga Begins, It's All About The Pentiums, a few other music videos here and there, UHF (motion picture), thirteen episodes of his TV show, and various other television specials. Even with all of that diversity, you'll have to watch each one several times.

[Dylan] Yeah, but we aren't noncorporeal life forms, and we have a lesser sense of time than you do, so it takes a huge amount of less time, so to speak, to absorb all the information in them. Has any of your people made an /infinite/ number of productions, I suppose?