h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Dylan] .....

*Redfox takes over this area. 9 years of cob webs need sweeping up.*

...

*notes lack of cobs. only web.*

[Dylan (no longer a dorky 15-year-old but now a marginally-less-dorky 25-year-old) opens his mouth to respond, then closes it and shrugs.]

*A Gecko Warrior walks in and hands a mop and broom over, salutes the new DA/Janitor, and walks out*

*much mopping and sweeping occurs, as well as some re-decorating. The room now (despite being in a one story building nearby the STUMPED stadium and court house) resembles a large, top floor, corner office. From the entrance through mirror black doors, the reception and waiting room is a 40' wide and 25' deep rectangle.

There are floor to ceiling windows to the left displaying a view of rolling pine forest into the far distance. Modern black leather chairs are placed on one side of a coffee table covered in various Evil magazines (Getaway Car and Driver, Death Ray Digest, Fixing Games Illustrated, and Wired to Explode, to name a few), giving a view to the outside. The carpet is thick, luxurious slate grey, and the walls are black granite about 5' up from the floor, and white marble above this.

Immediately in front of the entrance is blocky and modern looking deep red stained cherry wood desk with brushed stainless accents. A gorgeous female secretary sits behind the desk, with a holographic computer in front of her and a wireless headset in one ear.

Off to the right is an extremely modern brushed stainless steel and black granite kitchenette with cabinetry done in the same cherry wood as the desk. The floor here is tile instead of the sumptuous carpet. There is a commercial refrigerator, coffee, and espresso machine to the left, and various baskets of goodies surround these and the stainless sink. To the right side appears to be a self-service wet bar.

The ceiling, about 20' above, has a black gap running around the edge, but otherwise looks to be a single gridded block. Recessed lights are scattered about.

Behind the desk is a massive pair of doors that seem to be of the same solid cherry wood as the rest of the office. rather than veneers. The doors run up to the ceiling, and have blocky, modern brushed stainless handles. Through the doors is Redfox's office.

The room, about 30' square, is paneled with the same dark cherry wood to about eye level, and then black granite above this. The floors share the carpeting with the exterior. Immediately in front of the doors is a desk very similar to the one outside, but bigger, and more cluttered. There is a holocomputer on the desk and many case files. Behind the desk are more floor to ceiling windows, showing a view of a city.

To the right, much of the wall is built in bookcases, full of law books. In the center of the wall two glass showcases are embedded. The one on the left contains a dark grey hooded robe with leather shoulder straps crossed over the chest, and a MASSIVE matched sword and halberd set. The weapons are verticle on either side of the robe stand. Blue energies with mist falling off them flow on one of the blades, and orange energies which gently burn flow on the other. The halberd swirls with electrical discharges grounding themselves on the mottled greenish brown energy which mixes with it. The showcase to the right contains a beaten black leather motorcycle jacket open over a tie-dye t-shirt with a black jolly roger on it, over a pair of ratty carpenter jeans and black chuck taylor all-stars. Below the jacket and surrounding the pants is a net full of of random weapons and what appears to be smoke bombs. Occasionally a disproportionately sized item, such as a katana, will fall out of the jacket and into the net.

On the left wall is another private kitchenette done in a similar fashion the to the one outside, but lacking any coffee related items. There is door that (presumably) leads to a private bathroom towards the left of the wall. A weapons rack is in between the door and the kitchenette. The rack contains 2 FAMAS assault rifles, a scoped Intervention sniper rifle, and an English bastard sword and short sword set. Slightly to one side is an arming dummy with an outfit similar to the one Neo wore in the first (only) matrix movie. Presumably it is armored.

On the same wall as the entrance and to the left of that door is a projector screen and a low, modern couch in black leather. Various control devices for games and other wise are on a cherry wood side table. *

That's more like it.

All done with a mop and a broom! Redfox is the King of redecoraters!

The entirety of the STUMPED grounds run on cartoon logic. How else could we keep the place in any sort of fit condition?

Volume, Volume, Volume!

The mop and broom combination is highly underrated as redecorating tool.


Now then, gentlemen, what can I do for you?

KL-Just make sure we're covered on the "audience members and vendors at the Stadium can't sue us for liability on anything ever" stipulations listed in the fine print.

Oh, that's done. It's covered by the sign at every entrance that says: "Viewing of events at STUMPED Stadium is done AT YOUR OWN RISK. By entering the Stadium, you acknowledge that you accept those risks. STUMPED cannot be held liable for any injury, theft, or death that may occur after you enter the Stadium. Enjoy the show!"

Ahh! Excellent. ...but what about people who can't see or read?

*existential quandary*

why would a person who can't see... go to a stadium?

Eh, the kind of suits we could expect all rely on a "reasonable person" standard. It's reasonable to expect that people can read, and it would be an undue burden upon us to post someone at every entrance to shout at said people.

Although that would be a delightful hazing ritual.

KL-Ahh, excellent. Glad to hear it.

*debates entering the office but is deterred by the NO SOLICITING sign posted prominently at the front door*

*floats off to view the obelisk*

Hey, there's not a no soliciting sign!

We just sometimes "entertain" the bad ones. Besides, how else do you get girlscout cookies?