h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Waits for sea to call the court to order. Starts compossing his opening statement*

*looks around desk, behind desk, under desk. looks up*

[sea] OH! ahem. *bangs gavel* i hereby call this court to order! Masque versus Afgncaap5 for the charge of holding hostages without good cause. or something to that effect.

*clears throat*

Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I represent the people of STUMPED. We hereby bring to trial one Afgncaap5, the defendant, for the charge of false imprisonment. We will attempt to prove that, for a period of several months, the defendant did, willfully, and with neglect for human rights, imprison the researcher known, at the time, as "The Masque of the Red Rejection eMail", and for the purposes of this trial, the victim. He did so without trial, without any semblance of due process of law.

Throughout the course of this trial we will present this court with evidence not only of this imprissonment, but also evidence that will prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, that the defenadant has a history of this sort of behavior. This man *points dramatically at Affy, his cape swirling round him to make him look even more dramatic* likes to put people in little cages! The victim was kept by the defendant in a state similar to death, denying even the most basic interaction with the outer world. No phone calls. No letters. No emails. Not even descent conversation. So much so that the victim was forced to develop advanced mental powers for the purpose of perceiving the world around him, to experience /something/! To remember what it was like when there was a world to experience!

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Your honour. We will ask that you find Afgncaap5 guilty of this charge, and that you punish him to the fullest extent of STUMPED law on this matter. Thank you.

*Takes his seat*

*wipes away a tear*

beautiful, masque. er- i mean... uh. heh. good. your turn, mr. defense attorney.

*makes notes on paper, shuffles things in his briefcase, and does other lawyer stuff. If he had hair, it would be greasy and slicked back.*

*Rises from his seat. Shoots an appraising glance at Masque. Addresses the bench, and when it doesn't respond, changes his focus to the judge sitting on the bench.*

Before I begin, I would like to clear up one important point concerning court etiquette. The prosecutor here has addressed you as "Your Honour." In this court, I believe the proper term of address is "Your Dishonour", according to paragraph 3, section 37.5, chapter 42 of the STUMPED Courtroom Procedures for Dummies. *Brandishes a copy of said tome.*

I therefore request that the court reprimand the prosecutor and award 3 points to the defense.

Now, if I may, I will proceed to my opening remarks. I will be brief. *shoots a meaningful glance at the Masque*

Your DIShonour, members of the jury and everyone else. You have heard the allegations made against my client. In the course of the proceedings to come, I will show that while my client did commit some of these acts, they were never done without reason and as a superhero charged with maintaining law and order on h2g2, he was only performing his rightful duties. Further, I will show that he is an upstanding citizen of h2g2, with a blemishless character. You will see that these charges are frivolous and unwarranted. As well, I promise you a few surprises. *Grins charmingly at the judge and jury*

*Returns to his seat.*

*the judge nods slightly as she considers this*

[sea] the argument could be made that to Masque, honor is dishonor. therefore the court gives him a warning, which means - well - basically nothing. but i'll shake my finger menacingly at him...

*sea shakes her finger for a few moments, then smiles and waits for something new to happen*

<snaps fingers and the theme from Law & Order starts to play in the background>

(Sitting in Jury Box)

Excuse me, your Honor... If Affy is in fact a member of CHOPPED, shouldn't he be penalized, or at least johnny piled upon by numerous STUMPED agents for just being in the premises of STUMPED Controled Territory?

Yeah, Red Fox has a point, you know...

[Clipboard's domino world now has a stargate, a roman aqueducts& colluseum, an eiffel tower, a replica of the nexus buildings from "bladerunner", a Sphinx ,and a life-size monolith. Clipboard is working on a large domino statue of himself now...]

Well, maybe if I was *on duty* at the time, that would've made sense....

*Flips to paragraph 3, section 37.5, chapter 42 of his copy of the STUMPED Courtroom Procedures for Dummies, reads it, and stands up*

Should it please this court, I would like to quote STUMPED Courtroom Procedures for Dummies (SCPD) paragraph 3, section 37.5, chapter 42, loophole 29b, part eleven, which states:

"Dishonour is the appropriate term for use when addressing a STUMPED High Court. A High Court is defined for this loophole as being any court proceeding prosided over by his Dishonour, Justice Krymla. In all other cases it is up to the prosecuting attorney to set propper courtroom ettiquite."

Furthermore, I'd like to quote loophole 29b, part twelve which states:

"Garius Lupus' costume looks ridiculous." Not really relevant, I admit, but we should keep it in mind as we procede.

*Tries not to draw attention to the fact that he was cheif editor for this particular edition of the SCPD*

*Sputters*
What do you mean?! That's not in my copy of SCPD - there's only 11 parts to Loophole 29b! The prosecution just made that up! I move that...that...

*takes deep breath*
I move that the Masques' last comments regarding my sartorial choices be struck from the record and that he be struck BY the record. I humbly volunteer for the latter duty.

Please, Please... Let's continue with the Proceedings...

*Almost falls out of his chair laughing*


Your Honour, council pays the price for not purchasing an updated version of the text.

*does not bring attention to the fact that he, in fact, sold GL the text in question*

Furthermore, your Honour, the People would like to request a subpeona allowing access to CLI securi-cam tapes from the CLI Brig, that said tapes, or exerpts from them, may be entered as People's Exhibit A. The point being to show conditions in the Brig, and establish a record as to the defendant's behavior regarding the inmates and, in fact, his own allies.

*a shadowy figure enters the courtroom at the back. no one notices. he sits down in a seat near the back and begins to watch intensly*

<OOC - Im not going to precipitate violence here guys...
I'm also bringing some new CHOPPERS guys along. but i reckon they know what theyre doing...mmkay?

As long as you do not disrupt the proceedings, I would be willing to allow an open court. Of course, Her Honour gets final word on that. And no sitting in the jury box! We wouldn't want a fair trial or anything here!

*Enters quietly and takes a seat in the audience. He is dressed in an Armani motley suit, and a silk mask.*

*sea reads backlog*

*sea giggles*

*sea laughs*

*sea laughs so hard she falls over backwards in her chair*

*sea's roommate walks in, looks at sea, then turns around and walks back out, shaking her head*



*her (dis)honor shoots a Look at the CHOPPERS members in the back*

[sea] i trust you gentlemen are not here to disrupt my court. you are welcome to stay until i tire of your presence, or you make me angry, or i feel like throwing people out of the courtroom.

*she grins*

[sea] as for the bickering attorneys... erm. *she looks at GL's outfit and tries desperately to supress giggles*