h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*runs at Wonko with a spatula!*

*a bowl of cookie dough appears in AK's way and the spatula dives into it*

*licks the cookie dough off the spatula*

*recovers from whatever happened to him as a result of a page of posts not read do to HDS's extreme laziness*

*Throws a whole lot of black holes at Were-kitty, AK, and Wonko*

*returns inconspicuously after about thye same laziness*

*quietly sticks a white-hot fork in HDS's back*

He's done!!

*thousands of little pixies start setting tables and clatterin 'round and get ready for a feast*

*HDS sticks a butter knife in Wonko's back, then devours the pixies, tables, and table settings, and then belches fire at Wonko*

*buries HDS under his house and uses the breath instead of having to light a fire*

*relaxes in his chair*

*Suddenly a mountain falls on the house, HDS appears from a cave, sits down, and watches as the house burns down (why's the house buring you say? why not, I say)

*sings a very beautiful whale-song, that happens to be so loud it bursts everyones eardrums*

*and afar, the whales arrive, spouting water and breaching and eating kril and whatnot, HDS sets off in a boat with a nuematic harpoon and a hungry stomach*

*gets spouted by a whale*

*spouts a whale*

*s manically*

*sees a bowl of petunias*

*keeps ing*

*Reads the potted flower's mind, it says "why is this happening again?" doesn't think about, as it hurts too much, harpoons the whale, rides behind as it thrashes about, reels it in when it dies, cuts off a big hunk of whale meat, cooks it, and eats it*

Yummy Yummy in my Tummy!

*whale dissolves into a huge mass of wriggling maggots, including the bit HDS just ate, the maggots form a huge head (matrix style)*

What do you want?

!


*dives into the maggot-head and starts eating it in desparate search for chocolate*

*accidently eats a maggot and jumps out coughing*



*conjures some *

*converts the maggots into a giant , nets some, and starts a cook out (the in HDS's belly turn into cooked and digesting *

*turns HDS into a slug with some silver powder and a bowling ball*

*turns himself into a giant snail and, slowly, runs over Wonko, which ungulfs him fully in slimy stickines*

*turns him back into a slug, then realies that slugs are also slimy and starts running*

*Turns himself into a giant slug, and again engulfs Wonko in slimeyness*

aha! *pours salt all over him*
*bucket after bucket of salt*