h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The bombshell goddess appears on one of Saturn's middle rings and looks around*

Good place of a battle. I wonder if anyone will show up?

*sits down to wait*

*looks around*
You WOULD pick your own turf, wouldn't you...

*flexes some godly muscle* No matter. It's time we showed these youngsters how a battle is really conducted!

Hey..where did you go?
*peers*

*Space seems to ripple and undulate and then, with a flash, His Divine Shadow, Brother of Eru, Father of Gil-Galad, god of Light and Dark stands some ten meters from Saturn Girl.*

Hiya! (not very regal and goddly I know)

*nods to His Divine Shadow*

You may want to watch and see how it's done. I have some @ss whoopin' saved up for Apollo here, and it might get messy.

*turns attention to Apollo and flexes and shows off her knock out of a bombshell body*

You have any last words, golden thighs? Or should I just cut to the chase and whip out the chocolate, whipped cream and handcuffs?

*HDS snaps his fingers, his normally black clad self is now wearing full Bruce Clan regalia. Black mail man shoes and black knee socks cover his lowest quarter. A kilt of mainly red and green, with gold and silver embroidery covers his thighs and waist. HDS wears a navy blue blazer of a 1400s cut with heavy gold embroidery and gold and silver epulets with a white lace shirt underneath and a sash of the same tarten as his kilt. On HDSs's head is a deep green beret with a small red fluffy ball atop it, tilted at a jaunty angle. HDS's face is that of Sean Connery with a mustache. (In essence, I am dressed as Sean Connery was in one of the big scenes of the movie, "the Avengers").

So, who's fighting who first?

I was gonna drag apollo back to posting more reguarly by getting him entangled in a battle... you're welcome to the left overs

I'll wait then

*HDS's black and silver staff appears in his hand. It is topped with a silver globe that is etched to appear like the Earth, but with a golden ring around it and it is tipped in a silver cap that makes a loud clacking noise when-ever it touches the ground.*

*HDS waves his hand and a black shadowy chair appears, it is large, leather, very comfy, and it moves so as to give the best vantage of the fight, while staying out of the way, HDS sits upon it*

*turns to HDS*

I think she's callin me out, but I might need some back-up, so don't go far


*moves in a wide arc around SG*
Chocolate, whip cream, and handcuffs eh? I think you have me confused with your last boy-toy (Uncle Heavy, wasn't it?...or maybe Sergeant Mushroom?).

*while her jaw drops, Apollo kicks a little cosmic dust in her face*

I always could get that reaction from you

*chucles from atop his shadow throne*

*shakes head and wipes the dust out of her eyes*

ha, very funny... however that won't save you. *attempts to tackle and handcuff Apollo to the rings*

*decides he's going to let her*

*After SG triumphantly has Apollo handcuffed to the rings of Saturn, Apollo starts to run circles around the ring, with SG in chase*

Fast as fast can be, you'll never catch me!!




*what SaturnGirl isn't noticing while this is going on... the planet is slowly moving into orbit with Jupiter (due to gravity disturbances from SG's extremely large ego)*

*pulls a sudden reversal on the chase and doubles around to catch apollo from the other direction, ignoring the looming planet it appears we're going to colide with...*

Don't make me pull out the wardrobe and makeup again... I think everyone's see enough of those golden thighs peaking out of a mini skirt.

*puts a Teddy Bear suit on Apollo and brings in an overly affectionate female bear who's told that Apollo's her long lost hubby*

*suspects this female bear may just be Madonna in disguise*

okay... think man, think...


....




... ...




!$*#@!! Run man, run!!

*trips in a rather clumsy fashion in his teddy bear suit, and dangles (I know we're in space, but just go with it) from the ring he is still handcuffed to*






*pulls out a jar of honey from inside his toga inside the suit, and tosses it toward the bear... who, in classic Winnie the Pooh fashion, gets stuck*

Now... back to my current situation. *starts chewing at the handcuff*

*giggles and watches Apollo... deciding the mess he's in at the moment is enough to make it not needed to add anything more to it. Does get a little worried about the lack of space between Saturn and Jupiter now.*

Hmmmm... I'd say it's time to relocate.

*snaps fingers, Saturn's relocated to a nice empty part of space with nothing within range to be effected by the gravitational field of my ego*

*fortunately, her ego's gravitational pull is enough to snap Apollo's handcuff (once again, taking physics for granted )*

Think that's impressive, huh?

*dust clouds gather around the lonely planet, bringing a darkness over everything*

...

*the dust begins to clear*
Hahahaha... try THIS on for size!


*SG gradually begins to see that the rings of Saturn are gone!*
*and Apollo appears to have a new Slinky*

*gets annoyed and pulls out the cat-o-nine tails whip*

Now you be a good boy and put those back, or I'll have to punish you and taken them by force!

*snaps fingers and places herself in a nice little domimatrix costume*

If you think you're man enough...

Cat-o-nine tails, huh? *reaches into his toga, and pulls out a loud, tangled mess of fur*
How about nine annoyed cats with tails?

*sets them down, and they migrate in a ball of fur toward leather-girl*



*lets his new slinky hop from asteroid to asteroid*

*giggles and produces milk to sooth the cats, then sneaks up behind Apollo*

*Watches with rapt attention*