h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*515 kicks the rocks below him, making a small hole in the rings he goes into. He jumps back up on to the rings, behind Kiro, as the rocks that didn't colide with the bones reach Kiro and gives him a good wallop upside the head.*

*spits more razor-bones at 515* man fish have alot of bones. Spitspitspit!!!

*515 laughs as the rocks from the ring Kiro ignored hit him squarely in the back, throwing off his aim. The bones Kiro did get off at 515 stop harmlessly in the candle as 515 waves it in front of him. Harmlessly, unless your the candle, which after Kiro runs out of bones breaks in half and falls onto the edge of Kiro's robe; lighting in into a small fire.*
Don't we love fire that dosen't need air?

"we do!!"

The fire burns the robes and as it goes, burns a brightlight, A new monk outfit, perfectly clean, appears on Kiro Yukai*

*Kiro flips a coin that magically appears in his hand*

"its Heads!"

*Kiro Yukai's body and head separate and fly at 515*

*515 gently place the remaining half candle in the hole at the top of Kiro's now blind body, and then, with his staff, knocks his head like a baseball towards the planet.*

Home run!!!

The Head stops suprisingly short of the planet and shoots a laser beam out of its eyes at 515. The body ( which isn't blind, just seems to be) removes the candle, feeds it to a passing Grizzly bear, and flies at 515, wielding his cane like a sword.

*The laser beams conviently hit the passing grizzly, making it quite angry so it attacks the nearest thing: Kiro's body; which is nicely tackled down from the air. On a lighter note, b9nr515 in his boredom begins to throw rocks from the ring at Kiro's floating head.*

The Grizzly bear, conveniently without a few of its more neccesary internal organs (as it was just hit with a F****** Laser beam from the head of a God) stops attacking and dies. Kiro's head plays target practice with the rocks with its lasers. It too is bored

*515 deploys and umbrella from his staff just before it, quite oddly enough, begins to rain toxic whiped cream pies. One of them lands squarely on top of Kiro's head.*

*Kiro's body takes the hint of you pulling out your umbrella and dives underneath the grzzly's dead body*

*My head flies around, panicked, but then stops, pulls off the skin and uses it as his own umbrella (hey, why not?) Kiro's skull flies at you and bites your walking staff in two*

*The umbrella remains floating above him as 515 swings the two ends of the staff in opposite directions, hitting Kiro's skull. The jaw is cleanly hit off in the opposite direction of the remainder of the head, lodgeing itself in your own leg. The rest of the head, having moved faster than the skin umbrella predicted is hit with another pie.*

Kiro's body rushes forward wearing a rustic looking Grizzly Bear poncho, catches 8 pies with his cane and smacks 515 in the head with them.

*It stops raining pies and begins to rain, well, rain, washing away the pie on 515's head. 515 roughly places the umbrella upside down in the hole atop Kiro's body and opens it, severing several internal organs (that you don't actully need being a god and all).*

squirts massive quantities of blood into 515's eyes, and grabs the umbrella, pulling it out of his body. my head and jaw return and reatatch

*515 wipes the blood from his eyes and procedes to pummel Kiro with his staff(s).

*Kiro deflects the blows with his cane and makes some of his own, soon becoming a swordfight*

*515 parrys and eventually becomes, yet again, bored and with the flick of his omnipotent wrist turns the two halves of his staff into actual swords. He swings and nicely chops Kiro's cane in to two, rather unequal halves.*

*the two halves are transformed into a sword and a parrying dagger, continues with the fencing match*

*515, thinking it's odd to see a swordfighting monk, magicly changes his atire to that of an 18th century noble, minus the rather uncomfortable looking neck ruffles. He then, after a good deal of work, lands a blow onto Kiro's right leg, making a symetrial hole to that in the left made by Kiro's own mandable.*

"Toucher"

*the wounds Heal, and Kiro, thinking that its rather ordianary to see a Shaolin monk in a fight of this nature, changes into a modern-day lawyer, and after a great deal more work, lands a hit on the right shoulder of 515*