h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The aim of 1-dimensional chess is to declare checkmate as many times as you can.

*GodBen uses rooks special wormhole power. Your king is put into a very vulnerable position indeed*

Checkmate!

Well! If you're going to just go about changeing the rules as you go... *Uses his rooks special wormhole power to take Ben't rook just before bringing the game into the third demension* Once again you have falsely called checkmate! You tread on dangerous ground, or small chunks of rock orbiting Saturn, either way beware!

Bugger!

Why are we playing chess anyway?

I don't know, you started it. Let's do something else then. *magicly creates a pie and throws it at Ben*

*I open my mouth and eat the pie*

Well I haven’t eaten since I got here.

*I create a car and throw it you*

Thank you for eating my toxic pie. Since you're a god it won't kill you, but it will impair you severely. *creates a squerrel and watches as the car swerves to miss it, crashing into the nearby planet.*

That's one fast car.

Hey! That was an expensive Mercedes! That’s going to cost me a hell of a lot of money!

*creates a car with a reckless driver in it that enjoys hitting squirrels and throws it at you*

Acceleration due to gravity is very fast, expecially on high gravity planets. *creates a squirrel in front of Ben and watches as the reckless driver turns and steers directly towards Ben in hopes of hitting the squirrel*

Is that the correct spelling of squirrel?

No idea.

*GodBen eats the car*

Ouch! It’s sore on the teeth!

Watch out, those Pintos tend to be hot when on fire. *Just before Ben eats the car b9nr515 hits it with an asteroid in the back end, bursting the unsafe Ford into flames* Spicy!!!

*GodBen eats the car*

That wasn’t half bad actually, although I do have indigestion now.

*b9nr515 pulls out an umbrella* How about some dessert? *toxic, year old fruit cakes begin to fall from nowhere, raining down on Ben and squishing the squirrel*

*GodBen creates an armoured car and then gets inside it*

*creates a fairly large howitzer and opens fire on the armoured car*

*GodBen pulls a lever in the car which turns it into a tank. GodBen opens fire on the howitzer*

*Snaps fingers and the howitzer multiplies to surround the tank, attacking it from all angles*

*Opens fire on the original howitzer. It's destruction causes all the howitzers to disapear*

Hey now, no breaking the rules of continuity. In a chess game it was fine but you can't dictate the effect on more than one of my howitzers at a time, and even then in minor detail. You can say what happens to the tank, you can say what happens to the artillery round I fired, but we just can't go about and randomly messing with other god's things now can we? The only exception is when your opponet completely ignores your attack (like you did with the artillery rounds I shot) or the object is direcly attacking you, like teh artillery rounds or if I were to throw the howitzer at you. Now then, why don't we try again?

But i was winning