h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The weapon (I'll let you choose which you used) sticks in 515's shoulder and, when Kiro releases it, it falls into the hole that 515 created, oh let's say about, twenty post's ago. 515 then attaches the handles of his swords together and begins to throw pies that he picks up off the ring.*

(*a little distance away, near Saturn Girl's observation platform, a ball of glittering blue dust gathers and forms itself into the shape of a fairly tall gal in an army uniform, the shirt with its sleeves rolled up to her elbows and unbuttoned at the front to reveal a strappy top. She solidifies*

*a cupboard door magically appears in the air. SM opens it, dissappears inside, and then drags out a comfy settee. Waving her hand, the door vanishes, and she lounges on the chair to watch, making sure that her boots don't mark the material*

Don't mind me. I'm just watching.)

Threatenes to call lawsuits on any pies that hit him, they all drop to the ground.

Well, if you wan't to fight dirty!

*Waves his godly hand and Kiro finds himself surrounded by 5 blood sucking lawyers who all attack with overwhealming ammounts of paperwork. Oddly none of them offer you a pen.*

*files a restraining order on the lawyers*

*The lawyers conviently wrap Kiro's restraining order in unnecessary beuacracy and litigation, on the way they sue Kiro for fileing the restraining order and demand his imidiate surrender as reperations.*

On what legal grounds? wait screw that!
*sets all courts on fire*
Go ahead and try to try me

*Several large burrly men with badges approach Kiro.*

Kiro Yukai, aka Ravenclaw, you are under arrest for grand arson, destruction of federal property, dodging jury duty, *hands Kiro a jury sumons* and involontary man slaughter of all persons in the courts you burnt down. And since you decided to burn down the courts, you'll be tried in a military tribunal.

*teleports to mexico*

We can continue the battle there

*Teleports to Mexico and relaxes in a solar powered vibrating message recliner. Looks around and laughs again as several cheap suburbans pull up to the arena and unload teams of Federales.*

Kiro Yukai you are to be deported to face trial for that other stuff you were told about along with resisting arrest and dodging jury duty. *Federale hands Kiro another jury summons*

A drug Cartel ambushes and kills the Agents, Kiro takes the opportunity to burn the summons

A drug Cartel ambushes and kills the Agents, Kiro takes the opportunity to burn the summons

That's Columbia, but I'll let it slide since they haven't a chance aganist that.

*515 points into the air as a fleet of helocopters swarm the arena and drop a company of Army Rangers, apache attack copters open fire on the cartel as a squadron of fa-18s bomb some illegal drugs. A Ranger walks up to Kiro.*

You there, were tired of telling you what your under arrest for; so we'll just tell you your under arrest for failure to appear for your military tribunal. Oh, and this is for you.

*He then hands Kiro a jury summons exacly like the one he just burned.*

*swings a really big axe*

I don't know who the bugger you are but that was silly.

*Several Rangers turn and shoot the life out of Artenshiur.*

uses the distraction to hide himself away for a few hundred years in between a few folds in the fabric of space-time, but not before changing the name "Kiro Yukai" on the jury summons to "b9nr515"

*b9nr515 reclines and ceases to laught as it has become boring to him. Luckly for him the jury summons are put in computers and a few hundred years later, when he comes out of his space time hole, someone will get bored and serve him another one. For now b9nr515 considers himself the winner as Kiro has just left 2 seperate battle areas just to dodge 515's attacks and then hidden for centuries.*

Hmmm... well, that's five days so I'll take that as: "Yes, b9nr515, God of All Things Only Existent in Somebody's head, I, Kiro Yukai, surrender to you."

I'll also take that as an afermitive. *vanishes back to the Rings of Saturn. So then anyone up for a good battle? *waits for and answer in his nuclear powered beanbag chair*

Not Here teleports back to Saturn and drops some "dark as day" pellets in it. In about an hour, Earth (and Mexico, where the battle seems to be) will be destoyed.

PS--The rules say not to destoy the universe. THey don't say anything about destroying the solar system!