h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Mystrunner lifts the log up with one hand, and with three sweeping sword blows, slices it in half, and shreds the clown suit.*

Rrrrr...

*Mystrunner begins to run at pheonix, slicing time as to move faster and faster.*

*admires his now clean toga*

*grabs an orange.
Eats.
Watches.
Grabs a slice of time and sticks it in his pocket for later.*

*Is slicing time fast enough to make the real world seem to be barely moving*

*To Apollo* I'd be careful with that. My old teacher would flick shards of time at an apple on a bench, just as a demonstration. Within seconds, all he'd have was a cluster of small trees, which quickly withered away.*

*sits quietly watching, no in the mood to toss out any troublesome comments yet*

* a deep trench appears in front of mystrunner, his sword flies out into my hand....* so then tsk tsk! *waves hand and mystrunner reappears coverd in embers, he then falls backward into the trench* i've made you clumsy... HAHA

*Mystrunner shoves the edge of the trench, shifting the earth forward under pheonix's feet, sending an enourmous tremour through. He reaches out his hand and the fallen sword flies back to it.*

Not a close combat person, eh? Dodge this.

*Mystrunner sweeps his hand away, sending a cloud of poisoned needles at Pheonix*

*waves hand, the poison needles go of in the other direction.* thats naughty *a sword appears in my hand and chops of the end of mystrunner's. Phoniex Flips over the top of mystrunner and jabs him in the back* dont you move or do anything ok?

and try and spell my name propaly *waves hand that hasn't got the sword in. The poison needle return after being drawn to Apollo? To push mystrunner against the wall that appears* i wouldn't move because if you do you either get stabbed or poisoned youre choice?

now now *gives mysrunner a big kiss, he now has a red kiss mark on his cheek* ahh aren't you cute *transport's long enouth to give Apollo a kiss and transport so mystrunner can't move* don't you move!

*An electric surge runs through Mystrunner's body, sending Phoniex spasming backwards. As the needles fly forwards, Mystrunner slices time and deftly catches them. Then, he charges into the wall, slamming both hands at its base, and heaves it backwards, falling onto Phoniex...*

never throw my own creation on me. *Phoniex's body begins to flame, the wall disentegrates with the intense heat* This awfull dust *brushes herself down and dissappears* Hi *reappears standing on Mystrunner's shoulders* Here have a prezzie *manacles that stop Mystrunner's time slicing ability appear on his hands and feet, he droops to the floor too heavy to move* bye *disappears and reappears in a red crop top and red pedal pushers.* ..........

*Mists out of the manacles*

I'm not called Mystrunner for nothing.

*Grabs Phoniex by the ankles, and heaves her into orbit. Concentrating, he sends a blast of pure death following her trajectory, gaining slightly on her.*

Let's spice this up a little...

*Caper Plip kicks her up into the air, and causes a shower of to rain down upon the battlers.*

See what you can do with that!

hello FIRE BIRD *transforms into the phoniex and dodges the death* now now caper plip lets play with some toys *the footballs all rain on mystrunner and phoniex grabs a giant teddy bear who from here after will chase mystrunner and cannot be destroyed even by youre godly powers mystrunner* and watch out cos if he catches you *the teddy bear catches mystrunner and squeezes him so hard that he flies too pieces i and the pieces fly into orbit*

*Space time folds back at Mystrunner's command, drawing the teddy bear into a black hole, and out in very small bit in a different dimension. The rift seals up. The s never seem to touch Mystrunner. It isn't that he is dodging; It's more like he's never there when they should hit.*

YOU CANNOT KILL DEATH.

*Mystrunner mists, and reforms.*

I might point this out: A496091*

sorry
Phoniex transforms a tiny little girl*
ahh its a big man he looks funny *starts pulling down any clothes that Mystrunner has on* TUT TUT now the big mam has no clothes on lets dress him up, you can borrow my new dress puts an obcene pink dress on mystrunner with an unimaginable amount of ribbons all over it. *transforms back into phoniex*

dont you look cute.

*The clothing morphs into the classic assassin's getup, and Mystrunner lifts pheonix up by the throat.*

You...don't...touch...the...CLOTHES!!!

*A thousand deranged lawyer come to Mystrunner's call and begin to formulate a lawsuit*

*blinks*

The cross dressing the boys only seems to work with Apollo... and he looks good in tights.

*Does the Anime style closes-eyes-leans-over-and-yells bit*

YEAH, NO REALLY?

ps TO SG ok dont worry* *nods head too the lawyers, transforms into a sensible grey suit* now gentlemen i think that if you turn to the exhibit A (a film of the previous battle) now if you think about it my behaivior too a one Mr Mystrunner is justrified. Now my irational feminist lawyers and a few radical feminist protesters *they appears with massive signs, they see mystrunner and start battering him with hammers and the signs* there you go...