h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Caper Plip pulls out a tin of , wrapped up, and gives it to the canine.*

Happy birthday! Have some nice new !

*She then pulls out the racquet she was previously aiming at Red Dog, pulls out another ball and serves it with the speed of Greg Rusedski's serve at the Sun God. It bounces off his head, ricochets off a few walls and returns to Caper Plip's hand. For good measure, she throws the racquet at Apollo as well, bashing him on his nose.*

What was that about stripping? Does he still fancy that Anna Kournikova? Anyway, why don't we find Red Dog a mate? I hear Bruinhilda's a nice lass... or maybe sea/Bastet? Not me, though. I've got my Keepage to keep me company.

*by now singing away at the top of his voice after several *

Hey, don`t tigers have stipes maybe White Tiger could do a stripe for us on my birthday

Come on pussy ... get your gear off.

*ignores danger signals and alarmed looks coming from the assembled Gods*

We want a stripper for the party? I know exactly who to call... *grabs cell phone, dials number. Soon a fire truck comes roaring up... in rushes a company of buff firemen. The come equipt with their own music, firepoles, and stage Saturn Girl digs out wallet and makes sure she has enough $20s with her phone number written on the edge of 'em to pass around*

now thats cruel. and harsh. im going to avert my eyes

Hmmmmm, I'll have to bottle out at this point... firemen aren't my type.

*Caper Plip moves to the other end of bar, where there is another TV.*

*points to sign on wall*

NO NAKED MEN ALLOWED IN BAR

*downs CP's PGGB*

How about other entertainment?

*Caper Plip pulls out her magic tennis racquet, and conjures up a clown, a balloon depot, a magician and a jazz band.*

*She pulls out a bottle of barley water and a paper cup from her shorts pocket, pours a cup and drinks it.*

What else do you have in there CP?? .... *searches.

finds a trumpet. Joins the Jazz players...*

Anyone for a little mambo? Or maybe some swing

No naked men and no naked tigers either. Sorry pup. =^_^=

*The Firemen leave the bar crushed, and unpaid....*

Swing! Oooh! Play some swing, I need a dance partner though.... *grabs red mutt to dance with*

*grins and gets up to dance .... sadly more Fred Flintstone than Fred Astaire*

Show me your moves SG

*boogies*

*Caper Plip pulls a piano out of her shorts pocket and starts playing magnificent improvisation with the jazz band, then puts it back.*

Hey! Apollo! Keep your filthy hands to yourself!

*She pulls out a unicycle and a selection of tennis balls and racquets and cycles around the bar juggling.*

Starts an Olympian rendition of "In the Mood"....

*Saturn Girl takes the lead, since she notices red mutt has two left paws, and starts with some simple swing steps... hoping that he'll pick them up fairly quickly, otherwise we might have to clone golden thighs, leave one of him to play, the other to dance And saturn girl doubts that anyone wants more than one of this trouble marker running around.*

*wags tail nearly in time to the beat and howls along to the melody just for the fun of it*

Everyone having fun ?

Yep 'Twould be more fun though if you'd pay attention to tryin' to dance... your two left paws get worse when you howl with the music! Don't make me clone Golden Thighs... he'd drive you as bananas as he'd drive me.

*busts a move*
*stops busting a move*
*waits for dust to settle and furniture shards to stop falling from rafters*

*looks down*

Two left paws, CHECK.
Two right paws, CHECK.

*carries on dancing amidst the rubble*

*The band wraps up the tune (with a nice high note from Apollo at the end )*

Alright folks, now it is time for the Birthday Boy's speech!!!!

*chants of "Speech! Speech!" come from all over the inn*

*Caper Plip pulls a stage out of her shorts pocket, sets it up by the bar with microphone, picks up Red Dog by his collar and plonks him on the stage.*

And now... for the speech!