h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sure... no problem

*slips behind bar and assumes bartending until Bruinhilda returns*

One ambrosia... on the house...

*opens one eye ..... notices long legs and leather miniskirt*

*opens both eyes*

*opens both eyes very wide *

sometimes the floor vantage point can be pretty handy chaps

*Caper Plip strolls in, carrying her sports bags containing her tennis equipment from each shoulder. She has just come from training, and one can see a collection of broken tennis racquets sticking out of one of the bags. She walks up to the bar.*

Just barley water and a banana, please. Got to get back to the courts in a mo.

*The goddess finds a place near the television and sits down, watching the latest sports news whilst drinking thoughtfully.*

*tosses Red Mutt a nice juicy rare steak, having it land on the other side of his head, so he has to turn away from where Saturn Girl is sitting at the bar. While the mutt is distracted, she sits up straighter, and crosses her legs in a more lady like manner. She then reaches for the ambrosia that Golden Thighs just retreaved for her.*

On the house? You're a saint *reaches across the bar, and pinches Apollo on the cheek*

*UH, God of nothing, saunters in. looking much the same as he does in the caption competition pictures (for verily, he has one to himself). He sits down, next to the bombshell goddess and wonders whether the 80s revival has gone far enough*

[Bartender] Welcome UH... nice point, by the way I was waiting for someone to mention that.

*slides water down to CP* Now, hun, about this banana....

*tosses a glass of Red Dog to the bar mutt* enjoy pup

*waves to UH*

So is it beer, beer, beer or beer for you Unc

*Caper Plip downs the barley water and goes back to the bar. She grabs Apollo by the collar and raises him into the air with one arm.*

You listen to me, you large-massed tub of lard! I have not had a good day on the courts today, you hear? Now, unless you keep your cocky remarks to yourself, I suggest you shut up or you'll end up like one of these broken racquets!

*She pulls one out as an example. It's not a pretty sight.*

Got that? Good.

*She drops the Sun God and dusts her hand off, replacing the racquet in her bag. She puts her hand in the pocket of her tennis shorts and pulls out an apple which she eats instead of the banana.*

Now, I'd like another barley water, please. And no stupid comments.

*The goddess turns to Red Dog.*

Sorry, I haven't anything edible, but would this do?

*She dips her hand into the other pocket of her shorts and pulls out a rather beaten-about tennis ball which seems to have lost a bit of its bounce. She chucks this at the canine and then returns back to her televsion-side seat.*

gets a little rough in this place... I was just going to ask if you wanted it peeled or not!!


okay, no I wasn't But here's your second barley.... *slides a glass across the table, curiously labled PGGB*

Red Dog loses control and ..... after which bounces around the bar followed closely by a Red blur which knocks over everyones glasses.

*embarrased*

Sorry ... it`s genetic, can`t help it.

yes, UH will have a beer he thinks.

*sets a glass of prime pilsner down in front of UH*

OI! MUTT! YOU SPILT MY PINT!

*Caper Plip pulls a new racquet out of her bag and is just about to throw it at the canine, but restrains herself just before it leaves her hand...*

Damn, I only have three racquets left! Can't break any more... but you owe me a barley water, matey!

*The tennis ball slowly rolls to a stop at Saturn Girl's feet. She leans down and picks it up, then looks at the Red Mutt.*

You're of couse going to treat everyone to the next round, right?

*bounces ball off the floor, catches it, bounces it again, catches it... repeats indeffinately*

Golden Thighs, can I get a Jones Soda to replace my spilled drink?

Sure babe...

*slides a Jones to Saturn Girl, a bottle with a picture of the Sobe lizard on it *
liked the idea myself...

*notices Caper Plip's spilled drink starting to dissolve the bar counter*
*quickly cleans the mess up*

Umm... another barley? okay *slides another "barley water" labled PGGB*

*Admires the picture of her pet lizard Nilpferd on the label before she opens the Jones Soda. Under the bottle cap it says "A Golden Thighed friend of your's will over use the protective powers of his loin cloth, thus rendering it useless as anymore than a butt flap". Saturn Girl giggles, and tosses the cap across the bar to Apollo*

Check it out Golden Thighs... these bottle caps have psychic power

"Barkeep! A synthale if you please!"

*sheepishly*

Q: is it possible for a dog to look like a sheep ? ... infact can a human ... and why is a sheep used as an image for the feeling of mild embarrasment .... and ....

.... realises this is going nowhere

OK gods and goddesses, it is my divine birthday today so the drinks are on me Barman put it all on my tab please. I`ll settle up sometime this epoch

is it really your birthday? i think we need a striper. bombshell, any ideas?

*slides a synthale to Tiger*
Treading on dangerous ground there UH....

I would try Caper Plip

Happy Birthday Dog goD !!!! *marks down several rounds on the bar mutt's tab*
Looks like a B-Day party at the Inn