h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am a scien...a man of science and reason, Volkert. I will accept no magic hoo-doo unless I see it. Yet I know you are neither a fool nor a madman. There is more here than you are telling. Until I hear it all, well, if the ghost wishes to set our course then let him take command if he can. He can have a valkyrie for his Mate.

....magic hoo-doo.......magic hoo-doo....explain this then good sir....



...how do you explain this my man of science and reason?!?!



we must turn the ship around NOW!

Volkert, I don't know how you did that. It wasn't natural on this world or any other world I know of. But it does tell me one thing for certain. You are serious.

Call 'All Hands On Deck' Volkert, and prepare to bring the ship around.

*sits, shocked, for a moment, then runs to the door*

None of this makes any sense to me. I have never been on any ship where I was the most normal of the crew. Compared to the likes of Mr Volkert and his self-healing body, I must seem a very dull fish indeed. But I have a simple goal, and it can be achieved very quickly. Mrs Briggs, this may seem an odd request, but I must see the jewellery that young Lizzie wears beneath her garments. It may be only a family heirloom to you, but it could be worth more to me than you can possibly imagine.

If it is what I suspect and hope, I will tell you all, if it is not, I shall speak no more about it, but I must see it. Ladies, I implore you!

*glances out the door, wishing she could finish the conversation she started earlier with Richardson. he is deep in conversation with Uli, however, so she decides to wait for a bit more.*

Mr Head, what is this interest in jewelry that you have suddenly developed? If Lizzie wishes to show you the bauble, then she may. But only in my presence.

*continues to stand in the door, splitting her attention between the deck and Mr Head*

Sarah, I...came for the charts and the sextent.

*comes in behind the First Mate and nods to Sarah Briggs, then addresses Richardson*

The wind has shifted. Is Baltimore in Santa Maria? I would like to see the device you spoke of earlier. I think it may need healing.

Hello, Cook. I think you have interesting stories to tell me. *smiles*

*to Sarah* How is the captain? May I examine him? *looks more closely at Sarah* You are very tired. Perhaps I can stand watch over the captain while you rest.

~ the speaks to Uli ~ http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F72915?thread=138343

The wind has shifted? But...

My device is working perfectly, it does not need to be 'healed.' It tells me you height, your weight, it can count the beats of your heart. But it cannot tell me anything about the thing you are hiding.
What is it?

Thank you, Uli. I am a bit... tired. I believe that Benjamin is well, only very tired. If you would watch him for a minute, I would like to go and sit on the deck for a moment and breathe the fresh sea air. *smiles*

Mr Richardson, you know where the charts are. They are, as always, at your disposal. *looks at him for a moment* I shall be on the deck, if you need me for anything...

*goes to Benjamin's side, leans over to kiss him* My love, I must rest for a moment. Uli shall sit with you and I shall never be far.

*goes to sit on the deck*

* rolls her eyes at Sarah, then looks searchingly at the First Mate* Some say we should be going to a place called Baltimore. When you said you would set a course for Santa Maria I thought it was the same place.

In any case, we now have a backing wind for Santa Maria, I think you will find.

*takes the captain's pulses and draws a fingernail on his nose, looking for reflexes*

Sarah Briggs, his spirit is still wandering. I am going to go fetch him. Is there anything on board that I can use for a drum?

*stops in the door briefly* I know of no drum as such, Uli. I suppose there is canvas from the sails and bowls in the galley... Thank you again for this, Uli. When he returns, I owe you a large debt. Or rather, a larger debt than I already do.

*continues on her way*

A bowl? No, I do not need a sending drum, I need a talking drum, what you call a tabor... *closes her eyes and concentrates a moment* I feel the presence of a spirit drum in this room.

*holds her hands slightly out and turns on her heel full circle then finds herself looking at a narrow closet across the room. She strides across, opens the door, reaches deep and feels around. There is a jingling noise*

*A moment later Uli withdraws her hand clutching a Salvation Army tambourine and shakes it experimentally*

This is a fine drum! It will catch the attention of the spirits and at the same time keep me anchored to my body. *admires the ribbons* What a fine object! If the captain used this then it will help me to find him.

*Ignoring the others in the room, Uli sits cross-legged next to the captain's bed, finds a comfortable way to hold the tambourine and begins to strike it lightly and rhythmically, establishing a regular cadence. Then she begins to sing quietly*

Ah wooni cooni cay-ay-uni
Ah wooni cooni cay-ay-uni
Ay-ay-ay iki ay-cay-anu
Ay-ay-ay iki ay-cay-anu
Ah woo, ah ah wooni kitsi....

*she repeats the simple verse and continues to drum, and gradually her voice fades out. Soon she is silent, drumming and rocking slightly*

*suddenly sits bolt upright in his bed, eyes staring wildly around, focused on nothing, beads of sweat pour from his forehead. he lets out an inhuman, animalistic scream, as perhaps his caveman ancestors might shout in times of fear or when hunting*
AAaaaaaarrrrrggghhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnngggggggguuuuhhhhhH!
*one arm shoots straight out, the hand curled in a claw, clutching at the air*
*with one final word he slumps back on the bed uncuncious*
SARAH!!!!!! ughn.

*an expression of tension appears on Uli's face; eyes still closed, still beating the spirit drum, she rises to her feet and begins an odd, stooped, shuffling dance*

The shaman uses the rhythmic sound of the drum as a reference point in reality while she journeys in the spirit world. In the Indian tribes of Siberia this journey is undertaken "on horseback" and the drumming represents the sound of hooves on the earth; here, Uli is flying, and the drumming is the beating of wings.

During the process of becoming a shaman -- which involves a serious illness, a mental breakdown or a near-death accident of some kind -- the shaman has met entities in the Spirit World. Thereafter, whenever she goes back she consolidates these relationships and makes those spirits her allies.

But it's an iffy business and always a perilous venture.

from Uli who is seriously researching her role


Trust b-17 to give Uli a run for her money

*the dance becomes more intense and Uli begins chanting in a voice completely unlike her own*