h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Actually Cap'n, I was thinking ... perhaps you need a personal bodyguard? I'd be more than happy to personally guard your body!

Hello Peirce,
I am a humble sailor that has had many positions on ships over my sailing history. I shall take any position you need me for and do my utmost to make you proud.
I am also a deft hand on the squeezebox accordian, as you well know
*stands with hair billowing in the breeze, awaiting orders.*

Oooh, aaaaah, weeeeeellll - that's not an offer one gets every day! I'd be most pleased if you would! I say, why don't we work out the "details" a little later in your cabin?

*whispers: We should probably be a little discrete about this, though. Wouldn't want to - er - make the rest of the crew - er - well, you know... People might talk, you know?*

I'm sure you must be talkin' about Shea Capt'n. I made no such offer .

Oops, sorry, Wb! Got a little distracted there, I guess...

You'll understand that I got a little distracted when Shea made that offer, won't you?

Assume any position you want, Wb! I can always use a sailor with your rare talents!

We shall be needing a high quality band for tonights big feast. Are you familiar with the works of Louis Armstrong and Dietrich Buxtehude? 'Caus that's what Kes has in mind

The former yes, the latter, alas no.

In that case this could turn into an *interesting* jam session!

check out Dietrich Buxtedhude on Google, Wb!

Oops, make that Buxtehude

Okay, here I come after a time of disorientation about raiding Avalon and then looking for some dragon-serving restaurant or going somehow to Italy to explore the secret of pasta...

That's me: Floh

*Two men in long black coats and powdered wigs enter the cabin. The first carries a suitcase and an atache folder. The second is dragging a large trunk and a writing desk*

Mr. Christopher reporting for duity, sir!

I am told that you are in need of a good Accountant and I am certainly what you need. There is also my assistant, Mr. Andrews, who will aid me in keeping the accounts payable and receivable in ship shape, so to speek.

Hurry up there, Mr. Andrews. We want to make a good first impression on the captain.

*Two men enter the cabin. The first in in a long black coat and a white powdered wig and carries a suitcase and a few ledgerbooks. The second man is wearing a long green coat with a blond powdered wig and is dragging an enormous trunk and a writing desk*

Mr. Christopher and Mr. Andrews reporting for duity, sir!

The agency told me that you wished to replace your accounting staff. My assistant, Mr. Andrews, and I would be honored to become members of your crew and keep the accounts payable and accounts receivable in ship shape, so to speak.

Mr. Andrews, don't make me repeat myself again!

*Mr. Andrews manages to wedge the writing dest in the door frame*

Bloodbeard the Bosun reporting from Meridian, Mississippi (explain later). Experienced as boatswain, having signed up long ago for either this pirate crew or another one, can't remember. Okay, the memory's rotten, but the rest is adequate. Can I make a berth somewhere?

Aye Aye Cap'in sir,
I be a young lass on a mission,
A mission to help all the good 'arted Zaphodistas.....
See'n now?
I be representin' a small group o' people,
but just coz we're small dont mean we're not right,mind,

I represent the band of ancient Parsnip Shooters,
Throughout history we've been parsnip shooting and will carry on to parsnip shoot.

Ahh,now you may sneer,but I aint jokin'.
You ever seen the mark a parsnip leaves when they bite?
Well to be honest neither 'ave I,but my great great grandfathers brother in laws neighbours dog did,
And from what I heard it was a nasty one,
Like a huuuge......dog bite kinda thing,
True,there were several dogs in his back garden that night,
most of them quite partial to the taste of another dogs flesh,
But he was sure that the suspicious looking parsnip,lying all alone on the floor,
without his other parsnip friends was the one to blame.

So, I ask on bended knee, can I be Bucanneer in charge of Parsnip Shooting??

Arrghh

Greetings salty ones..
having been a pirate for over twenty years I have experience of all forms of piracy and pillaging.
Fair enough it was in an other galaxy, but I could do with a new job and a new ship to carry me off into the sunset.

I am an excellent musician, drinker and swimmer.
hope i can come aboard Captain.

Mond

Welcome aboard one and all!

Floh, good to see you. You'll be in charge of watching out for any kind of dragons!

Mr. Christopher, with all the loot we are bound to lay our hands on I'm sure we can use a good accountant!

Subcom.Dei., Boatswain it is. Make yourself at home. There should be plenty of room for both you and your assistant.

Suz, shoot all the parsnips you like. Just make sure they are not zaphodisats and/or members of the crew!

Mond, please report to Wowbagger and Kes - I'm sure they can use your skills in their orchestra!

Arrghh Glad to be aboard Captain.
May the winds blow our sails to rich lands afar.

[Floh]
Aye-aye, Captain, sir.
What do you want me to do with them?
Bring them to the galley??
There are rumours afloat that you like them with french fries and a green salad.
Is this right?

Yes sir, Capt. Pierce!

Come along Mr. Andrews, we musn't dilly-dally.

Ho there Captain Pierce !
(Shouts up to the dashing Pierce as he strides aborad the deck)
I'd like to join your mottley crew as a buckaneer and swashbuckler extraordinaire. I'm a fast fighter and deadly with a long sword, though I'm no stranger to knives either. You won't find my skills lacking andd I think you'll need someone to guard your back on our long voyages. I can also be useful in the torture chamber (if you know what i mean...)
(Jumps aboard dressed in black knee length boots, blood red trousers and a white shirt with sword strapped down her back)
So where do I sleep?...
Dark Mistress