h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

oops

*staggers back in through a fridge-shaped hole in the back kitchen, hair askew, one impossibly high stiletto heel missing and, it has to be said, half the weather girl outfit too.*

think we got off on the wrong foot mr.... *sticks out hand and smiles winsomely at kipper* ....there was a pot of double devon in the back of the fridge, i think it was shielded in the blast by my ample buzum, if you dont inhale too deeply and squint at the best-before-date it'll probably do just fine. ..

*shakesa hand*
onthefloor, kipperonthefloor head thingite scientist, tell me where is your boss?

yes indeed, pleased i'm sure *simpers and shows dimples *

i think there's a pair of legs in the old back cupboard if you're interested.. they're my old ones, but seeing as i used to be George, they might do you perfekly. ..

the doc... hmmmmm. i seem to have mislaid him again. darn it. he's not been the same since.......*sniffs and hiccoughs and turns away*

*scratches head*
robot minion come here
*robot walks in*
translate robot
*robot scratches head and shrugs*

*pulls one of my own ribs out and throws it*
right we need a new fridge

*watches rib clatter to the floor in idle amusement and sits on the edge of an inflatible sofa crossing and uncrossing legs purely cos she likes it*

what about a combi fridge freezer. i need lots of ice for my work. and you could make popsicles

no need to buy one this portal *cunjest up portal* leads to an ice world

*walks in carrying a fridge freezer on her back*

Ice world? You could have told me that before I ran off to buy this fridge! I went as soon as I heard we were going to have to coffee creamer!

oops, well that'll do for the leftover bits from my predecessors experiments

So Where is that tea you mentioned?

Maybe we could take it into my cupboard here.. *slips into her cupboard leaving the door slightly ajar*

*slams the cupboard door and locks it*
righ i need to tidy this place up
*looks at the lab*
stuff it
*sits on sofa and wathces tv*

*tries to open door and realises she cant*

*a soft crying sound can be heard from the cupboard*

*blows doors off the cupboard*
sorry i thought that was a teleportation booth

No its my cupboard.

ohh
*jots down note to self, make teleportation booth*

*points to far corner, behind slab, and yawns*.
there's one over there, but it's a bit dicky. you might not end up where you thort u was gonna.

thats how i ended up back here.. i typed in Ikea in Bristol and i ended up back in this godforsaken hole of a place.

*a tap dancing milkman dressed as Air Force Action Man leaves a bottle of milk 2 yoghurts and a custard on the doorstep*

right lets clean this place up
*collects spiders into a box and flings them across the room*

*sits on the doorstep eating a yogurt*