h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No thankyou.. all truffled out as you well know

trifle, now there something i haven't had in ages..or anchovy pizza..

KEEEERRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSHHHHHH ! ! !

*everyone looks up at a grinning Ug, who seems to be weightless, tho has crashed thru the roof, and is now floating ceilingwards clutching a large tartan flask and picnic basket.*

i 'urd u woz back doc.. i brought u a little somefink

*Looks at HN's lacy things, Aye Be's bouncy things, Ug's weighless things and Dai's............Things*

Right! Prioritise! HN! I just have one thing to say to you - and that is.............PPHHWWAAOOORRRR!

AYE BE! Fancy a stint on Celebrity Nutter Love Island? The poor boys wouldnt stand a prayer........

DAI! Please! Put those away..........

UG! Loosen your belt son - those gases should then slowly seep out and you will.........CRASH........soon be back on the ground. Yes, a bit like that.........

"Is secretly a buit miffed about the comment on his things, he is really quite proud of them as they won best on show at the Llanddewi Brefi summer fate last year"

Hey Doc, there appears to be something forming in the corner just to the left of the wardrobe, cant quite m,make it out but.... Oh no.... its the inflateable cocktail bar and karoke system and the suns over the yard arm!

anyone?

"Steps behind inflatable cocktail bar, pours Doc a large and pokes about in the cupboards"

OOOOOH look, we still have some of Sir Evil Twisted Assistants super strength home brewed danish lager, cant seem tp rember the last time we had some of that, funny really I cant seem to rember anything after we open it!

"Kerrrflmph... A portal opens and a figure dressed in black riding a broom stick emerges causing alrm and panic among the visitors"

Thats not Darth Vader is it Doc? Doc? DOC? OMG I don't believe it, it cant be, it is .......

Run away

*looks at the kareoke*



*considers*




*goes for it!*


*jumps off the slab and wonders over to the machine*



any requets?

Private dancer by Tina Turner would be good.

" Puts on track, ambles over to cupboard to install pole for dancing demonstaration later"

Your are right! Its the Milkman. What was that?

We owe you £1,876 pounds for the last six months? Give me that bill...............WHAT?? 200 pints of Gold Top? 659 loaves of bread, 560 dozen eggs, 257 gallons of Orange Juice, 450 Creamy yoghurts, 2 pints Semi Skimmed AND a pound of potatoes?????

Well - I think we had better settle this over at my slab - SORRY! Desk I meant to say...........nice black outfit by the way....suits you sir!

Now make yourself comfortable and watch these swaying implants.......good.......good..........

Like candy from a baby........DAI! We have a customer.....

*nicky begins to sing in the background*

Excellent Doc, shall I assist in the absense of SETA?

"Pulls on spare lab coat, armpit high rubber gloves and a pair of black goggles"

Ready, now what can I do for ya?

Right!

See that? Far to small. Take it out and put this in. Those? Inflate them to about 55 psi then stick a needle in them. See that Sinclair CV5 over there? Get the gearbox out and put the lever.........here......the batteries.......there and the odd bits of wire ......oooooooo..anywhere you like!

Lengthen that arm, shorten that leg spin he's knees round and nail some maraccas on those. Over the cupboard - no, no THAT cupboard, the one marked "Fiendish evil weapons" you will find some fiendish and evil weapons we can plug in here.......there and ummmmmmm.......up there.
Drill a slot in his head for the coins to go in and Viola!

Got all that?

*the song ends*



*nicky finds an inflatable piano*



*quickly changes into a long, tight red dress with a slit all the way up the leg*




*perches on the edge of the piano, and begins singing bette midler's Rose*


*pulls herself up onto the piano more, flashing a bit of leg on the way*

*The Piano suddenly gets a leak when one of HN's six inch Jimmy Choo's punctures it, dumping her on the floor and then whizzing off round the lab blowing a loud raspberry behind it........*

*as nicky lands her dress gets pulled up and now everyone can see her lacy underwear*




ow! i hurt my bum, any kind gents going to help me up and kiss it better?

Been back one day and already we are firmly in Carry On country!

oi!!
knickersy or whatever you're called


did u nick my stella??

either that or you been at that 'i wanna be brittney' course??
i like the new u babe...
and i like that dress, u think it might fit over these puppies??

you wanna go out on a date sometime??


doc.. what's in this ?
i appear to have come over all funny.

*in true Godfather style*


you talking to me?


i never touched your stella who told you that?

*hides the empty can of stella between her legs*

why dont you try the dress on?
*unzipps the dress and throws it to IB.*


ooh will you look at that, im only in my underwear. must find some clothes


*begins to pull a pvc air hostess outfit on over her lacy nickers and black lacy bodice bra*


*sits on the slab and pulls on her stockings attaching them to her suspenders with ease*

"Stares in amazement at HN and wonders how the hell ease can hold stockings up!"

*sits on the slab crossed leged*




*considers showing everyone where the nearest exits are*



*spots dai*

hello...

hmmm. *tries on red dress and looks at herself in the lab full length mirror
tries to turn to look at back view*

Hey.. my bum look big in this?? it does????

can i borrow it??
ta

you owe me anyway for the beer..

*completely forgets to look at front view in dress, which is completely not covered by the scant material in the deep neckline*
*grabs handbag*
doc, can i borrow your scooter? i need to go to spar for a few things.. something to remove tomato soup stains and a flange sprocket

anyone want anything??