h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

All right, damn it! I can see, and I don't like that one. Too much purple. I like that one over there. It's just the right shade of pink, and I love the blood red eyes!

Kay. *clear throat loudly and irritatingly* BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL AND XEL'OTATH! PLACE THIS MORTAL IN A NEW FLESHY FRAME, THAT WE MAY HAVE CONTINUED AMUSEMENT FROM HIS PAIN!

Hoodoo? Youdoo! VOODOO! *special effects budget overload*


Annnnnnnnnd. You're alive again. Hip hip pelvis!

Brushes self off while looking around. "Well, that sucked! But thanks."

Well, screw you too. That'll be $49.99 plus shipping and handling.

Hey! I said thanks!. And didn't you just pull this body out of the closet? What shipping and handling? Tell you what: I'll give you $20, and we can get on with this.

Was a nice spell, though.

*takes the twenty bucks* Neat! Now I can afford to eat! I've just been swiping food from the "Do not eat: Poisoned" cupboard.

-Looks around- "So, now what do we do? Where did everyone go? You'll have to excuse me; I've just had a beyond-death experience.

Well, I'm still using your old body as a ventriloquist's dummy.

*Through clenched teeth, moving old-Phaid's mouth open and closed*: Dat's right!

-Flings at Hally- "Jerk!"

*The fork lands in old Phaid's right eyeball, bursting it, causing vitreous humour to leak down old Phaid's face.*

I'll bet you're glad you died before that happened, eh?

I sure am that he was

What I'm really glad about is that I had the forthought to ingest a violent poison just before the knife fight, knowing you wouldn't play nice (yes, I know it was a knife fight!). Even now, you should be starting to feel the effects as the poison has entered your bloodstream. Getting a little tight in the chest are we?!

Umm... It would be very likely that you would have died even if you HAD won. The exertion of the knife fight would have spread the poison through your body rapidly. Coupled with your wounds theres a large chance you wouldn't have had time to ingest the antidote.

Bloodstream? I told you, I got rid off all that stuff ages ago, had it locked up for safekeeping. I find that people try to break your internal organs, so I put them somewhere more secure than inside me.

Thank you EvilClaw. I know that! I was planning on losing, and therefore my revenge. Yes, yes, if I'd won, I would have died. I wasn't planning on winning!

So, Hally, what actually makes your body work if you have no blood or internal organs? Machinery? If your actually a robot, I have a cure for that!

What? No, don't hold with all that bionic stuff. My body works because otherwise I'd be dead.

End of story.

Well. Thant's pretty convinient, isn't it? I guess you get to be the guy we test out all of our E-vil ideas on. Cool! A guinea pig!

May we NOW get on with the plotting? -strolls over to minibar and pours himself a .- Ah! I needed that!

*Looks around pitifully*

Does that mean we're done with the puppet humour? Because, ouch - that stuff slays me.

*Chuckles a little bit, sadly*

Anyheww. Hally - could you, um, have that Phaid body washed and sent to my quarters? I want to, to practice my ventriloquism. Gottle o' geer!

Oh, that's nasty!