h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Admiral Yuri via radio] Orders complied with sir... I would like your assurances that these beacons cannot be specificaly targeted based on frequency...

Confirmed, Admiral Yuri.


BBW sits back in his chair, but moments later springs forward. A red warning light has begun flashing and three blips are showing on the screen. The blips move slowly out from the left side of the planet Korooth II. BBW punches a few buttons. Identifications of the ships appear in separate windows on the screen. BBW grins and keys the microphone for the intercom.


Stations, everyone. We have company. Just detected the Mangar, Esirpretne and Millenium Bug. That's all the possible ships the good guys have, except the CLI mini-UFO, but you can bet Affy and GL are aboard one of those ships. They'll be within range of our outer defenses shortly.



Attention all STUMPED ships. Enemy in quadrant J7. Engage as you will.


*Just as BBW finishes this message, a blip momentarily appears in the asteroid field, but disappears almost instantly.*

Hmmmm. Must have been a glitch.

[Admiral Yuri]all ships engage

*the ships weal about, the fighters scream forward followed by the Blast boat and by the corvette, the ECM Masts engage disrupting all sensors that try to detect it...*

I'm giving Xerces control of my character whilst I am gone! Good Luck

Space battle continues here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F62404?thread=106025&post=888645 *BBW follows the battle on his monitors and waits for the enemy ships to get within range.*

*The Persian Queen wheels around and follows BBW*

*A flashing red light catches BBW's attention. He types a few commands on the console and frowns. *

A hull breach?

* Then a light of understanding crosses his face and he pounds his fist on the arm of his chair.*

Damn! It was all a diversion. Those bloody heroes have managed to get aboard.

*BBW watches his monitors as the space battle winds down. Although it was only a diversion, the bad guys still managed to hold off the good-guy ships. BBW thinks bitterly about how they were all duped and decides to take a break. He switches his exterior monitors to automatic, and a few minutes later his screen saver comes on. His screen saver randomly switches between camera views from the various security cameras aboard the OmegaMatic. BBW isn't really paying attention, but then a view from the Neurtrino Burst Accelerator flashes on the screen and he sees the heroes in various places around the room.

He sits up with a start.*

Holy smokes!

*BBW thinks for a few moments, then lets out a low whistle.*

That means they are almost here! I had better set up a reception.

*The Outer Defense System Control Room is a relatively small room, filled with electronic equipment. It has virtually no conventional defenses, but it is a virtual maze of cabinets, consoles and coffee cups. BBW types a command at his console, then puts on a pair of purple glasses. To his eyes, nothing happens. He takes off the glasses and nods in appreciation. The effect of the command was to create a holographic image the exact size of the interior of the room. The holographic image is very similar to the actual room, except the equipment and narrow aisles are in different places, and the exit door appears where there is no real door, while the real exit door is hidden behind a large portrait of the Krylma Leader. When BBW has his special glasses on, he sees the room as it really is. Anyone without the glasses would see the holographic image of the room.

The effect of this, is that where the heroes see a narrow aisle, there is very likely no path. Thus, they will have to thread their way through a maze, without actually seeing it, while seeing a totally eroneous image of the room. And they will be heading towards a non-existant exit door.

BBW laughs at the thought.*

*BBW stops laughing when he sees how close the heros are.*

~The standard and all emergency lights cut out, other power is other wise unaffected, ie holograms~

*GL steps through the door and takes an immediate sideways step to avoid any possible hostile fire. Except there is no hostile fire. IN fact, the room looks totally devoid of any humans, werewolves or robots. All GL can see is a lot of large consoles, computer towers and various other equipment, arrayed throught the room with tiny maze-like passages between. At the far side of the room, GL can see the exit door. Scanning the room, he thinks he sees a path through the maze to the door, and begins to walk toward a narrow aisle. Just as he is about to enter the aisle, he slams into something unseen and falls backwards, momentarily stunned. A low chuckle is heard from somewhere in the room.*

*Affy darts in, sword ready. He sees GL, walks over, and trips over something* He stands up, and looks at what he tripped over*

That felt exactly like an open drawer in a filing cabinet, but nothing's there. Hmmm,....

*Affy thinks back to the "Glass Maze", wondering if he could find a similar answer to the current problem. He decides to wait just a bit, to make sure that there *is* a problem*

[YK enters, followed by Mackenzie, Janine, Mog, and Link. He then slams into something invisible and swears. He walks sideways and stumbles headlong through a filing cabinet]

[YK] Zarquon! This's a holographic maze! Um, Link?

[Link] Yeah?

[YK] You know what I'm thinking?

[Link] No.

[YK] Neither do I. Scary isn't it?

[Link] Yeah.

[YK] Anyway, if you could put on the Goron Mask and bantha-roll your way through this maze of invisible filing cabinets ...

[Link] Sounds good. What does everyone think of that?

*GL looks blankly at Link and YK.*

Um, bantha-roll?

[YK] It's an expression in Star Wars. It means, basically, to force your way using enough force to get your way.

[Darmani] [who has just had his mask put on] Or in my case, Goron-roll.

You're assuming that Link would be rolling towards the exit. We don't even know where the exit is. It could be in a filing cabinet, behind that suspicious-looking painting of The Krylma Leader, or even inside BBW's pocket. Also, who's to say that the exit is on a level plane with us? It could be straight up, and we wouldn't notice it.

That's why I'll have the solution to the Glass Maze puzzle handy in case your rolling doesn't work. I'll use the Fweep spell to transform myself into a bat, and use echolocation to figure out what's solid, and what isn't. I might not be able to figure out where the exit is if it's hidden well enough, but my sonic waves are good enough to get past any visual tricks.

* the replacement penguin hits his beak on an invisible cupboard, feels around with a flipper and opens the invisible door. He steps inside *

[Replacement Penguin] Hmm, this invisible cupboard appears to be empty...

* he kicks the invisible back of the invisible cupboard until a crashing sound is heard, indicating that the back of the cupboard has fallen onto the floor *

[Replacement Penguin] Well, it might be a shortcut...

* he waddles off, bumping into something else *

[Replacement Penguin] Then again, maybe not...

* he starts looking for the invisible cupboard he kicked his way through *

*enters* thats all i seem to do really, isnt it?

[Darmani] We might not need to find the exit. We might just need to find BBW.

*BBW sneaks up behind Darman, totally invisible to anyone within the holo-image, and speaks quietly, directly in D's ear.*

Easier said than done. BWAHAHAHAHA.

*BBW is gratified by the effect, and runs off to the side of the room.*