h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Stands next to a panel full of large red buttons and grins in anticipation.*

*very delicately balances cup of rather hot hyper-coffee on top of panel and awaits further developments*

::farts in the general direction of kvarts::

all anti--s accounted for

i'll drink to that

Quit dithering! They're going to notice us at any moment!!

*Waves her hand in front of her nose in a vain attempt to get away from what was lately inside Pierce.*

bring'em on, i say

as soon as i've finished this

as long as you don't have to wait too long for the next one...

They wouldn't like you when you are angry

why should they? they don't like me now

*fires up his flame thrower*

*Nods at Kes to hit the Red Buttons and fires their to full throttle.*

Yeeee - ha! Let's go get 'em!

*Sits down on the red button panel, unleashing all manner of ordnance and activating the windscreen washers*

That'll give them something to think about!

*jumps out on the lawn - only to realise that what he thought was a lawn was actually the top of extremely tall rainforest trees*

AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.............

*THUD!*

phew, that was close. if my suspender belt had not accidentally fastened itself to this branch...

*crack*

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii................

*SPLASH!*

*blob-blob-blob*

*gasp*

jumpin' jehosifers, this lake is deep

*Decides that Pierce has not abandoned ship, but has merely jumped out onto the nearest convenient Rain Forest, she hurtles their into the oncoming rush of enemy s with laser guns and photon-torpedos blazing.*

BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!!!

GET THEM, KES! Don't let them go for Pierce while he's dangling and helpless! Whoops! He's fallen into a large body of water. That should be if the s don't notice him.

LOOK OUT! INCOMING s!! BLAM!! BLAM!!!

*rests at the side of the pond after having eaten a what he roasted over his camp fire*

wish the barfridge was here

wish the rest of the crew was here also

*Presses several more buttons*

I think I just ordered total alien disintegration with extra cream and sugar!

you will be happy to know that the bar fridge is safe... well, safe from anyway

*The last of the enemy disintigrates with a creamy gurgle of over-sweetened rage. She turns their around and sets it down next to Pierce's campfire.*

You all right, ? Linus has the barfridge on board. He's sitting on it.

*Looks around at the surrounding jungle.* You don't think there are any wild animals around here, do you? Like... elephants???

put your pants back on !!!

mari-rae, didn't see you coming

*opens barfridge and empties a few flensburger pils *

i haven't seen any animals apart from the two gorillas standing right behind you

Huh? There's only one gorilla standing next to me ... and he's offered to buy the next round.

what will he pay with?

what's the currency on this green

is it better than my flame thrower?

I think it's in banana leaves, but there's terrible inflation.