h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

-enters-
-sniffs the air - the place seems empty but several familiar aromas linger - mumbles to self:
Oh this looks cozy...
Three bloody days I been sleeping out back in that abandoned Jag and I could have been in here.

- -explores the room - tinfoil has been lovingly pinched into every crevice of the walls and ceiling - the wall squirms under his hand! -

What the..? Madam are you awake?
I'm looking for a felonious monk. It's about that car out on the back terrace. Madam!

Hey, groove on down, my man! Have a

We saw you out there but you seemed at peace so we let you have your space.

Could these gardening plans of yours include some illegal weeds? Please. Source of income, and all that. Bit spare for the lads. Good plan, man!

Capability Brown who originally designed the gardens assures me that there was not only a greenhouse (hothouse) where all sorts of things were grown but that it is still erect somewhere in the overgrowth down by the lake. A band of gypsies lived there during the war but they only threw stones at Americans. I'll be back in (-considers translating units of time into English - gives up on that idea-) a bit, I have to go make sure those mice aren't using my cell-phone.

Splendid stuff. Power to the people. Dig that greenhouse, man!

Is there any mead going?
us gods have got to keep standards up you see

Is there any mead going?
us gods have got to keep standards up you see

Is there any mead going?
us gods have got to keep standards up you see

"wanders in absent mindedly"

Is there an echo in here ? - you should get that fixed.
Any chance of a drink?
I have been driving since three this morning and have to get this load of second hand crutches to Sheffield by midnight.
Smells a bit damp down here !

"wanders in absent mindedly"

Is there an echo in here ? - you should get that fixed.
Any chance of a drink?
I have been driving since three this morning and have to get this load of second hand crutches to Sheffield by midnight.
Smells a bit damp down here !

well it is a cellar and they usually are a little damp

only commenting mate!
just new to this area - didn't mean to criticise your joint.
want to buy any crutches ?

so was I this is not my joint I am new as well....what shall we get dunk on

Drunk ! drunk! I'm driving sunshine - remember.
I'll have a glass of that mead or whatever.
Where's the ruddy barstaff when you need them.
Don't I recognise you from somewhere ?

it is unlikely I only joined this week...but I could be wrong...

Sorry had to nip out to tie down the crutches.
Thunder and lightning out there - wonder whats causing it ?
If the bar staff dont turn up soon I'm off
what were you saying ???

Never mind can't keep you chatting all day can I ?
I bet you're the sort of bloke that just rabbits on and on when you get going. Any way - off to Sheffield.
Funny sort of place this isn't it ?

Hey! Biiiggg gang new folks. Groovy.

Here have loads of and . Tell all!

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-awakes with a start-
Witch I meant to say witch....oh good heavens...sorry ladies..
-slumps into the bar and begins snoring heavily, a heavy mist of soaked clothes, mice droppings, old Jaguar leather and smoke wafts up to tinfoiled cracks in the ceiling-

*slips in unnoticed by dozing clientele. Makes self a . Slumps against bar humming 'imagine' and contemplates mice running up and down shabby bloke asleep in corner*