h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have had to refuse her. Funnily enuff I was thinking about the haves and hads we use in Canadian English only recently. It's the confusion with 'got'. As in 'I have a new hat' or 'I got a new hat' or worse 'I have got a new hat'. 'Got' of course is from 'get' but once you've 'got' it you 'have' it. But 'I got to refuse' is different from 'I have to refuse' and since 'got' is already past tense 'I had to refuse' is the only option. I certainly 'had' cause to refuse her. She was suggesting the anatomically impossible, though on reflexion (sic) she may have simply been insulting me and not pro-positioning, even tho she looked liked a pro I was in no position to accept. It was something I had to do. Well,I'll be off. I've got things to do. No really I have. And have had for some time. I've got to stop putting them off. I simply have to. I gotta. OK, just one more drink before I go... What'll I have? Hey whatya got?

Hava nageela

ya..neguila with harangue juice.

I think BOFness is universal. There may, indeed, be entire nations of BOFs out there, and I have heard it suggested (mainly by Americans it is true) that Canada may be one of those, and we do seem to have a prime facie case presented here.

Actually we export most of our old and boring people to Florida as soon as they can afford to retire. The farty ones go to Bermuda where the ocean breezes...

Sounds good. Is this official government policy or just an adopted custom?

Official government policy says if you live outside Canada for month six months of any one year you lose all your benefits of citizenship - healthcare,sales tax rebates, etc - and must pay income tax in two countries... Government policy keeps us at home. The custom is to buy or lease accomodation somewhere warm and live there five months and 29 days a year. If your flight home is delayed...they have no mercy! Personally, I'm thinking Jamaica, where I might be able to sustain myself among the locals in a small village away from the touristy parts by labour or teaching.

Jamaica?
Ahh, I see, "did ya make her?" We're back to your lady friend again and the too rusty parts, labour and the aching.

You're quite good at hiding these little messages in your postings JW. Have you thought of writing HM lyrics?

....no, not the Queen's speeches.

Watson Aitchem?

Hm?

No. Hm=Philip the diplomat.

And the mushrooms haven't even arrived yet!

Given this information, perhaps we can hatch a plan for the overthrow of this heinous Government of yours, to be replaced by a benevolent dictatorship to allow free and indefinite escape for every thirteenth generation of Cadadians.

Can I be head dictator please? Certainly, having just become one of these oppressed Canadians I feel that I should help in their liberation, provided you help me liberate United Distillers.

-with slightly bemused look-
Not meaning to flog an apparently dead horse but the HM lyrics thingy went right over my head - gads I actually thot Bumweevil was offering me job on one of his banana boats.
Munchkin - you Canadian eh? - well hang in air buddy and maybe you'll be head dictator one day right soon, the way this turbo charged whirled is spinning lately anything is possible.
Imagine, Madonna greeted by soul bagpiper as she comes to Scotland to brave a wedding. (wishes he could write Scottish dialect the way Bumweevil do - sighs - wanders off singing the Banana Boat song )
Day. Oh. Me say Day. Oh. Daylight cum and me wanna go home.
Day. Oh. Me say Day. Oh.
Cum Missa Tallyman an' tally me banana
-Thinks - this will get him for that embarssing rendition of Doris Day's 'Secret Love' the other day. oh. me say day. oh.

LOL! I put that song on six times running in a pub in Edinburgh just to annoy the misers that wouldn't feed the jukebox. Do you want to try another one? Then again I did used to pack bananas........shaddup you face.

Heavy Metal it's not.

Please don't mention Sean Penn's punchbag in my presence, you'ld think she was getting married here or something.

I'd just like to state for the record that Celine Dion is Canadian.

And about to become a rich widow. (CD that is. Just for record.)
The punchbag's in Inverness. Sounds like there's a job open for restocking the juke boxes in Edinburg. - thinks fondly of TV show "Taking Over The Asylum" which ran late,late night on CBC a few years back and caused much sleep deprivation for wee students of the brogue, former disc jockeys and mental patients -

Heavy Metal lyrics it is then:
"Jaun's eye hadda sea Kretluv
datsun livinside dumee
(twang, wah wah, twang..
one armed drummer does solo..
singer 'Spikes' microphone..)"

-must be primetime/afterteatime on the BT net in the UK ...getting very slowwww... - will come back when you all gone to bed -

It was prime time and things seemed to seize up entirely here. . . or maybe that's just my arthritis. Who introduced the kiddiwinks to surfing anyway?

I hope CD's not going to have enough money to send out her Cd's like AOL do. I've had quite enough of the poor man's Whitney for one lifetime thank you very much.

I can sense you limbering up your larynx to do that thing from the Titanic, so I'm off.

Now a band with an armless drummer would be a sight to see. Hmmm, you know how you get people playing air guitar? I just wonder if you get the opposite, guitarists with air arms. I think I've heard a couple of groups who may have employed them.

Anthems of hope like Secret Love, the theme from Summer Place, Unchained Melody, Summertime - maybe, And I'll burst into song with them when air I polis, thank you. The Titanic thing pretty much was all of theme for me - off course, in the dark and straight down. Haven't seen the film (won't either - can't sit still that long) - No the best movie James Cameron ever made was Pirhanna, altho Pirhanna 2 'Cutting Bait' was a close second. Couldn't escape the tune tho so I downloaded a ten minute techno-funk-rap-electro-remix version from Napster in case occassional sleep-over company want to get all weepy and think of Leo.
As I understand it the UK copyright laws make it illegal for you guys to download from Napster? I think it was Allen Ginsberg who said, "You can have the men who make the laws, give me the musicmakers!" but, as a unionised actor fighting for royalties all the time, I am somewhat ambivalent on the subject. And there's the whole rule of law principle...

Munchkin old chap what's happened to your shirt? I have an old Toronto Make-Beliefs sweatshirt you can where. Not quite so warm down here as it is in the Snug, eh...