h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Good grief, where did you come from?

**Steps back, warily**

This hole to the centre of the earth is getting bigger.

Did you come from there??

**points down**

**Flattening himself against the door, with a cautious eye on the hole, P bends down and seems to pick up a note from the floor**

Hey chaps, read this!

**He holds it up for his companions to read

They read.

"Reasons I am secretly planning to blow up the BOFInn:-

1) Because I can
2) Because no substantial buildings on h2g2 have been blown up recently
3) Because it gives me something to do
4) Because the bang might make people jump
5) Because it is little frequented any more and its time we used the land for something else. Like building a castle, or something. (So I can rescue damsels in distress)
6) Because a mysterious hole to the centre of the earth has appeared in the cellar and appears to be getting larger, and if I blow up the building, then the rubble will fill the hole, the village and the rest of h2g2 will be saved and I will be a hero!"

The note is unsigned.**

*moves still yet again*

** Stepping off the bottom stair & looking bemused **

Where did I come from? Thats a big question!!!!

Is the note for real? Does anyone recognise the writing? What is that moving in the hole?

Does anyone know why a pile of rocks has appeared outside my house? Is there a giant mole round here?

Hello all, and could ... good grief, that is a large hole. I hope you are guarding for Morlocks. I don't suppose anyone knows what is causing it or, heaven forbid, has ventured inside. Only, if we can stop the hole, then we might be able to convince whoever to stop blowing up the Inn. Then I might get some decent kip.

*Noteing the swiftness with which the assembled company fails to act, Munchkin shuffles forward to peer into the hole* I say, I don't suppose anyone has a torch, I can barely see a thing *Contemplates growing a handlebar moustache and hiring Doug Maclure if he is about to decend into the bowels of the earth*

*somewhere, in a geriatric ward, far far away, Doug McLure stirs, has a flash of memory, something about a desert and a tank and some actors pretending to be german soldiers - and then the meds kicks in and he dozes off again to await his next call to action*

**Puzzled by the apparent displacement of the hole to the MAD room**

Listen chaps, if we were to hold lighthouse girl upside down over the hole maybe we could see what was down there, at least in flashes!

Do we really want to know? Or could we just fill in the hole with the pile of rocks that keeps growing by my house......

The physics of the hole - rock combination (or hole - antihole to use smartiepants) is such that we will need just the right amount of both or we could end up with a load of hillocks...

*Refrains from any flashing comments* I commend the rocks down the hole suggestion to the house. I also commend to the house the idea that, as smartiepants here seems to know so much, he should toddle down into the hole to check for any potential problems. All in favour say Aye.

I am all in favour of avoiding a load of old hillocks so I think Munchkin has a good plan *** refraining from flashing with excitement - well you really dont want to see that!!!***

I should like to disclaim all thoughts of holding Lighthousegirl upside down in order to glimpse her underwear. This was not the intention. I was simply trying to shed light on the hole as a whole. If, as it is claimed, it goes to the centre of the earth, then even that will be to no avail, nor, incidentally will chucking boulders down it. (Mind you, a nifty pair of lacy French ones might..., sorry, I digress)

I might also say that the whole idea of blowing up the BOFInn, and erecting in its place a many towered camel hut is totally outrageous, and should be nipped in the, in the...I forget. The perpetrator must be caught and perhaps despatched down this oubliette without further ado.

Is it my imagination, or has this hole just got bigger?

*eyes Lighthouse girl with a lustful almost lecherous look - he's never met such a tall on-eyed woman before - and she's got disposable rocks that need rolling away too - a wall builders dream*

Ahem.. Miss, I'd be happy to have some of those rocks for the garden walls here.

*Everyone eyes him suspiciously for thinking 'garden walls' at a time like this. Munchkin however has only heard the word 'I' and is looking for a pencil to tally the vote.*

Nope, It is definately your imagination which is growing. Just in all the wrong ways.

Question.

What is ?? I see you use it very often...

but WHAT is it?

St.Trin

is half a

is half a

is half a night out.

ok, I found out. its a beer...

wasn't familiar with the term...

Further reading: http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A352595

going there.....