h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*** Blushes very visibly and glowing a positive red, Lighthousegirl asks herself how Pheroneous know the nationality of aforementioned lace garments. She is also wondering what JWF really meant by 'Garden Walls' and what it would be like to have a wall maker in her life... She is very relieved at St Trins timely diversion ***

I know I am new round here, and that this is supposed to be where the subversives do their subverting but you all seem great to me - what I don't understand is who would want to blow up BOFInn and why?

anytime you need diversion again, drop me a line...

I seem 2 b good at that!

(I butt in all the time..)

St.Trin.

Is that you winking, Ms Lighthouse?, or are just waving your knickers in the air?

There are subversives here, it is true. But they also have a committee room all of their own, which you are welcome to visit whenever you so wish. The cellar is also a place, if I remember, for undesirables and disreputable characters to congregate. Welcome. I am not sure that wall makers are either bad or subversive or anything else. They may in fact be rather desirable people, generally. But then jwf... (I shouldn't say more, we have a pact)

As for St Trin, it is but a pictorial representation of 'stout' a generic name for very dark beers with a creamy froth, much beloved of Irish people and ., and munchkin too, if I remember. But they tend to get really carried away in the Snug.

Finally, why blow up the BOFInn? Why indeed? It is a fine place with an upstanding clientele (he lied, blatently)? The answer must be "Because we can" or, possibly "because without change nothing will progress" or, not that I would know anything about it you understand, perhaps the perpetrator of the threat was simply bored, as we all are, especially you after listening to me. You are still listening aren't you.

P.S. Would you like to be the very first visitors to Camelot?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A564022

duh.. silly me.. not knowing stout... I feel real .....

well, I mean I like black beer, just never knew its called that way!

As for why blow up the BOFInn... well I don't agree only because its sounds a bit Vogonish thing to do...

I'll go check on Arthur and his Dame now...

Since when have vogons been wrong??

A little OTT, occasionally a tad rough and ready etc., but wrong?

Not, of course, that I am trying to defend the blowing up person, whoever he or she may be. I know nothing of that!

*Bad typo in my last entry should have been 'one-eyed' as I assumed most lighthouses have just the one. Aye.*
The 'garden walls' are walls around the gardens, no more, no less - I am sorta the groundskeeper, landscaper, archeologist around here - and in exchange for tidying up the overgrowth I get to sleep in an abandoned old Jaguar 3.8 sedan which is now half way down the Terraces thanks to Pheroneous' Portakabin Bar experiment -- oh so many threads and crossthreads -- anyway you'll find about seven or eight BOF conversations under the heading BOF INN and we get cross threaded sometimes. Take a look at some of them and the obscure references will be less 'frightening' - sorry to spring an 'in-joke' on you like that - (the point being I'm more interested in your rocks than... well the irony is that at my age.. y'see I'm only after ya for your rocks cuz I'm trying to restore the lovely gardens and grounds that have fallen in disrepair and gone to seed. This is my only passion.)
So fear not, we are mostly harmless, even mostly toothless round here - except for Pheroneous who can get a bit frisky with ladies sometimes but usually he's the one comes to harm as a result.
Oh, I have 41 white mice living in the Jag with me so be careful if wandering down the Terrace, they are the only survivors of an ill-fated mission to re-populate the earth. Otherwise, fear not and relax and enjoy the beer and conversation.
BTW-the fine line between excitement and paranoia one gets when discovering h2g2 is clearer once someone points out that virually everyone here is mostly harmless and what you 'don't understand' is not to be feared but absorbed over time. No one expects you to get it all at once so be patient. In-jokes can be very off-putting I know - so bear with us.
peace
~jwf~ (wondering how he slipped so far out of character just to score a few lousy rocks no one else really wants..)

The polar bear lives outside the snug. Shortly we are to freeze the hole here, and sprinkle some peas around it, so that when the bear comes down for a pea, we shove him in the hole. This will block the hole, the BOFInn will be safe from destruction, except of course from the bomb threat, and we, yes you too, will be wonderfully thought of. Is that clear?

**A graffiti appears**

"jwf rocks, OK!"

*Munchkin looks somewhat dissapointed at the fact that he will not be travelling down the whole to greatness, or Shangri-La or something. However, on a moments thought it dawns on him that when Peter Cushing and Doug Maclure returned from the depths they were severely sartorially challenged, and in need of a good drink. So, young Munchkin decides to cut out the middle man and heads off to the bar*

ok, so if you finally succede in destroying BOF... why not make a BNF (N for New) in its place?

*** Appreciating everyone's help and patience Lighthousegirl stops winking ***

Going over to JWF - I have always wanted to meet an undesirable wall maker. You are welcome to my rocks and if I ask really really nicely would you allow me to allow you to indulge your other passion *** ignores the sideways looks from those assembled *** and lovingly tending my garden?

*** with a huge grin *** Pheroneous - how could I not be listening to you? I am glad that I have found a place for the subversive / undesirable / disreputable element! Sounds like fun... Just one thing bothers me though - if we freeze the hole with a polar bear in it will we all have to skate round the issues such as who will feed it? Very hungry animals Polar Bears and when they are not fed they get very noisy and then we would not be able to enjoy such a quiet drink! Talking of which, since the threat of destruction of the BOFInn seems to be declining and we are sadly all still upstanding it must be time to drink more - who want what?

Perhaps you could add some seals?

Hello, pussy! Why seals? Slippery when wet, perhaps?

I doubt, given my track record, lighthouse, I shall ever succeed in anything, let alone the destruction of this mighty edifice. Keep this a secret, but I have acquired the funds by robbing a Bank in the next village, so that part of the plan worked. And then it turned out that the dynamite shop has closed down (or rather disappeared, leaving a great cavity behind) and now I am torn between ordering the dynamite by mail order or sitting in another place counting the money. Which is a pleasant enough pastime, and involves litte energy expenditure.

I found some old shag.
That's rug with pile. Like Jane Fonda had in her spaceship in 'Barbarella'. Later quite fashionable in 'vans' or shaggin' wagons.
I say we cover the hole and reset the lava lamp and try to recapture the dark musty underground atmosphere that was The Cellar - a place for the darkest and most devious anti-social behavior such as the composing of haiku, plotting subversive 'personal ads' and talk of motorsports and the days when men were men and cars were manhandled.

wtf is going on here?

I leave you alone for a lifetime or two and what have you blown up? Nothing, not even an inflatable Widdy. The closest we've got to subversion is Pheroneous' threat to blow up the BOF without proposing the motion in the appropriate sub-committees. Well I suppose there'a also the unwinking lighthouse which might confuse those capitalist pigdog moths into crashing on the rocks....*looks on in astonishment, mouth gaping with unsaid cliches, as a dead racing driver crashes into the rocks* ....oh and dyslexic Moss as well.

You see! Spelling capitalist with a small 'c', now that's what I call subversive activity. Yeah wait 'til Tony Thatcher sees that. He won't be breeding irresponsibly any more.

*Sits down to read his Junior Anarchist's Cookbook now that the cellar has proper lighting. Turns to the Blue Peter Brigade chapter.*

Ah, "How to burn down English holiday homes in Wales". OK folks let's send these imperialists leaflets on how to make advent crowns.

...and remember, no putting stamps on the envelopes.

What? No envelopes? An undercover fencer from the garden stole them when he came in for an epee?

Curses! Foiled again.

There is a distinct lack of serious appraisal going on here! I vote we put all your, sorry our, money in a big paper bag and give it to the bomber chap, whoever he may be, so that he doesn't blow up the Inn.

Also, this hole!! Are none of you concerned about this hole? We have chinese men crawling out of it! We have fine words and plans as to how to block it up, but are any of you doing any work? Are any of you doing anything? Do I see Polar Bears being lured here? I think not!
We need action people, not fine and fancy words!

I feel better for that.

Anyone fancy a

I vote we plug the hole with our towels - after all, it is always better to have a towel in your hole than a hole in your towel.

I thought you had done caring what happened to us! Deprive us of our towels would you?

Now, a nice pile of stones might do the trick. Where, I wonder, might we find a nice pile of stones? (Fixes new guest with stony stare)

Well, I was at "Queen Maeve's Grave" yesterday, and there were thousands of stones just lying around on top of a mountain. Dashed inconvenient, as they got in the way of a nice view.

Queen Maeve indeed? This is no fairy tale castle here, Jones the Pile of Stones. Jump in that hole immediately, and the rest of us can get on with our lives! Or not. It depends.

Ah so my secret life as a motor sport loving moth murderer has been discovered ...

What I want to know is how come Dun Carin's stones are better for filling in holes than my rocks? Could we encourage jwf to get passionate and transform the hole into a lovely garden (preferably one with a racetrack and lots of plants that attract moths) using the rocks?