h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Knowing who he is puts you a leg up on me, madame.
And I certainly wouldn't hazard to guess his age anymore than yours m'dear. Are you sure it's the seventh?

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Hmmm..lessee here..lawyer,politician, assumed presidency by default, compromised on the slavery issue, made Daniel Webtser (lexicographer)his Secretary of State.. yup, sounds just the sort of dullard we should be..Oh oh, wait a minute..it says here he married a redhead. How boring can that be?

He must have been quite a large chappie. Didn't the Allman Bros do a concert in Fillmore's Vest or something?

I like the name tho, sounds like he does unmentionable things to ducks.

Do you get redheaded ducks? If I see one, I'm certainly gonna shout "collar'n'cuffs, collar'n'cuffs" at it.

It has been moved by Lil and sorta secunded by Wumbeevil (who thinks its a ducky idea if my Universal translator is functioning at all) that we somehow honour the 201st birthday of the 13th American President on Jan 7.
Question?

Oh and while I have the floor I wonder if I can ask the ladies present to remove their helmets so we can get a ruff idea of hair colour. Thanks.

Are you ready for the question?

*runs fingers through hair to dislodge air pollution by-products*

There was a Millard Fillmore Appreciation Society, but I couldn't find evidence of it on the web. At any rate, we'll have an excuse for another party next weekend. It seems poetic, in a mathematical way, for him to be 201 in 2001.

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Look, I did what I could for interior decoration. Someone else will have to pick up the torch. But I am touched to see everyone's taste for obscure history enlivened. Fillmore is a patron saint of BOFs.

"The nourishment is palatable." I ask you!

*picks up Lil's blow torch and light his little ashtray full of thermite. A nice warm glow fills the cellar for the first time ever before it burns it's way thru the ashtray, thru the bar, thru the floor, thru a very surprised rat, and onwards to the centre of the earth*

Oh sugar, how am I going to explain this to Pheroneous?

*the ominous rumbling of uncorked lava fills the cellar, and Wumbeevil resolves not to drink any more Guinness*

Well hearing no objections, I guess the Millard post Millenium Party starts almost anytime following this meeting.
Just a few more notes here. A motion has been tabled to ammend our motto to "Nothing Is Scared except Haiku and then only in a suicide note" and I think we oughta reserve judgement on that at least until our next meeting. Motion tabled.

Hey you, the one in the Peter Fonda Easy Rider helmet, yeah you. Take it off in here dear! Thanks.

And the interior decorating committee would like us to thank Wumbeevil for the new lava lamp. Nice one there Wumbe. Warm too.

Is there any other new business?

(Insert expletive of your choice) what on earth are you doing having a committee meeting in the cellar? Cellars are for drinking and sleeping in - possibly with conversation with the pleasant (and now warm) company.
There's a spare committee room that the Pedantic Millennium Party committee _was_ using. Take yourselves up there if you're going to be passing motions.

Oh but this is not an official BOF Committee meeting. This is the first annual general meeting of the Max Moron fan club, a subversive group dedicated to ..something. The Cellar and it's subversive elements, including the motto, the grotto, the electric hearth and now a new lava lamp, seemed the most appropriate place. If you have a problem with our letting the room for these purposes, take it upstairs to a Committee room. We will (chuckle) abide by any decision the various BOF elders may ever come to, if they (chuckle) ever come to.

Well, just a few more notes before we adjourn and open the bar wider.
The Millard festivities came and went by with all due and appropriate ceremony, and was such a success we would entertain a motion to make it an annual event. OK, tabled til we meet again.
Got a note from Max congratulating us for not burning down the entire village with that fireworks display Zeus put on last month with the encouragement of some regulars (not to munchkin any names!) and he says no he won't let us use the photocopiers to distribute The Anarchist Cookbook to every residence.
And you'll all be glad to know our liquor supply is now guaranteed by the establishing of an on-site distillery (called The Still) hidden safely here on the property. DJ and Munchkin may be looking for volunteers, tasters, testers and bottlers.
And if that's all the new biz for now ..we'll close with a recitation of the Cellar motto (Nothing Is Sacred) and a reminder that if you don't inhale it's not adultery.

*brushes away a network of spiderwebs and looks round*

Hmmm... seems pretty much the same. I see a few pieces missing owing to moderation. Can't remember what they were, so they probably won't be missed. Bit damp down here yet, and that electric hearth has been on since we left in January.. doh! Of course it's damp. It's spring!
There'll be a good crop of mushrooms here soon. Now if I can just keep folks away until harvest time...

*tries to reconstruct the spiderwebs on his way back up to Terraces*

**A large crop of mushrooms moves in an unpleasant undulating sort of a way, exposing Pheroneous**

Aha! My dastardly plan to make a fortune from magic mushroom soup has been revealed! And I would have used the money to refurbish and regenerate the entire callar.

Does that hole in the floor seem to be getting larger, jwf??

**Curiously**

and larger?...

Why ..yes. Isn't that where Wumbeevil established a 'lava' lamp by connecting directly to the earth's core. He must have come in and taken it with him when he moved. Cor' blimey, they're a frugal lot them scots.

**Wary**

Quite a lot larger, thinking about it..

Well, I dunn... oh! That hole! Omigod, you're not suggesting we bury him down here! No Pheroneous, think about it, man. They'll think we did him in.

Hello there

I have just moved in next door...

I see you are without your lava lamp - while it is not foggy can I be of any assistance?