h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

isssss it my Birtthhhday or something? people being so good to me!

I'm not sure what Nanny's culinary tastes are, but they are proving to be unusual!

If you're into Chocolate, I have a recipe for that I may well try out for Christmas. I know its early, but I'll need to start on it in a week or two if folk are interested. it'll be about 7.2%

Ooh, yes purrrrrrrleasssssse

. . . . . .

It just seemed to me that there was so much of this blue corn lying around, and the rats don't seem to be eating much of it (sick to death of it probably). . .

Right Double it is, as soon as I've brewed the IPA that Munchkin didn't quite ask for

Why all the ?

I think the man from Rent-a-Gill left it.

nope sorry still confused

I think we need to feed some of that to the upstairs.
They appear to be having a paper/food/drink fight.

...and one of them's just flung the Snughound

You don't live in the countryside then Toccata?
We keep a couple of trays of blue corn in our attic as a matter of course...

Lived in countryside most of my life, only really had mouse problems, and then only one or two. where abouts do you live to need to put poison in the attic?

We have scores of mice at any one time but have only had a rat twice in the last six years (before that we kept chickens, ducks, peafowl and rabbits and found out the hard way about the need for metal feedbins with weighted lids )
(If you've never seen a whole colony of rats in your barn and garden take my word for it - you don't want to )

We're completely surrounded by farmland/woodland, with a burn next to the house (that turns into a raging torrent when there's heavy rain/snowmelt higher up).
According to the Rentokil man rats live in holes in riverbanks and when they get flooded out they come out of the river and straight up our ivy.

We sent an eight-year-old up a ladder with a pair of heavy duty loppers (well you have to make them earn their keep) but even without the ivy the house is random-rubble construction so the walls are easy to climb (or so the red squirrels seem to think).

Did you know there's a bathing in your barrel?

Ah that'll be the dove of pissup will it?

Sorry about the last post, I wasn't feeling myself...it's the cold down here.

Theyre having a food fight upstairs? I don't know, I leave you alone for two days and you start enjoying yourselves.

OK two minutes Kat

We've been practising - got it down to one

Now wot's all this countryside talk?

Am I surrounded by suicidal subsidy junkies?

Good here's a quid, I have a mission for you.

I've declared a Fatwum on Ironknickers Thatcher. Now here's the plan.

Toccata, I want you to disguise yourself as a mike... no not Mike the headless chicken, a microphone. When she goes to make a speech, I want you to blow sneezing powder at her. Hey don't knock it, remember Chile and the powdered Mogadon we got her with?

I had that once. It gave me her looser nations

Oh dear Tefkat, I'm beginning to suspect you're a well known mummy.

OK to prove your integrity, I want you to sprinkle this itching powder in her undies drawer, along with some crabs, and any lobsters you find on the way.

Me? I'll be hatching another cunning plan.

Are you a linguist?

Who wants to nose?

Honest Wum's odds:-

1/4
5/1
10/1

Don't get mad get odd!

* Enters: Pulls pipe through hole in ceiling. Fixes sprayball to end. Ensures valve is shut. Runs Upstairs.*

* Enters: Puts sprayball in barrel opens valve cleans barrel with hot caustic. Shuts valve, moves on to next barrel…..*

Tum te tum…..

* Finishes barrels, shuts valve off, and runs back upstairs *