h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No, he just tried to eat a can of dogfood (unopened).

Hungry ferret! Anyway wasn't there soemthing we were going to do with him?

Oh, it’s all right, I’ve been sweating so much that my hands have slipped out of the shackles so get the ferret to bite the crown cap off that bottle and we can all have a drink!

Ah no worries on the beer front, I've been playing Dwarf Fortess so much there is an endless supply made by my own personal brewer. Basically there are 117 barrels for it and once you finish one he'll refill it for you.

Care for a, well not a pint; barrel lol?

I think, yes I think I've missed something here, something, something someone said of terrific importance, something that was just so hooplly important that I really oughta remember what it was.... Alcohol. Someone mentioned alcohol?

/me surruptitiously passes 2legs a keg and a large straw

Slurp

Hic

Enjoy

Hmmm...

*sipping beer through a straw*

Somethign not quite right about this. Not enough volume going in at any one point. What we need is a vacuum pup or soemthing...

D'you mean Blimp the wonder dog?

there used to be a hound in one of the bars, but if it had any sex at all, it was male and therefore unlikely to have pups

Maybe it was a member of 'adopt a pup'.

Ah I meant pump, but silly typos....

Never mind the dog just get me that ferret and a couple of bricks and I’ll show you how to make a suction pump! On second thoughts make two half bricks they are not that big on a ferret. or for the ferret

Which reminds me of one of those eternally deep philosophical questions: are you listening my little ferret friend?

What's the difference between a dachsund and a barrow-boy?

A barrow-boy bawls his wares out across the pavement whereas, a dachsund wears his.....................OUCH

& please.

I'm intrigued as to suction pump making with two bricks...

*Smashes a hole in the wall to get them and passes them to Henry*

Right here we go, get the ferret and hold it horizontal with it’s face at the opening in the barrel, horizontal I said. Now let me see, you there, grab the back legs and gently part them. Pass me the bricks, Now let’s have a butcher’s. Oh hell! You did not tell me the ferret was a Jill!!!
There’s nothing to smash with the bricks and cause a sharp intake of breath!
Oh well I suppose it’s back to the drawing board.



Please note – no animals were injured during the manufacture of this failed suction pump.

Thats shocking - don't you know I'm a member of PETA

Maybe we could just get a big siphon going instead?

Hm haven't seen a working soda syphon in thirty years. They got replaced with hosepipes, you know (witters away in BOF pattern about the decline of modern life - therefore everyone else falls asleep)

Time to go to the family vault to find, bring upstairs and dust off the trusty 1960s Sparklets Soda Siphon in a fetching shade of metallic turquoise (the siphon, not me)
Then fill it up and place it on the formica work surface and prepare a good stiff!

Is there a proper bar in here? We should find it/build one. One with hand pumps for real ale, and hundreds of bottles of spirits, and enough glasses that you can just smash your empties and and and!!! *big breath* a seat. Or maybe two