h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I happen to know that a good should be kept at 4 degrees. Whether thats temperature or lattitude, I don't know.

We don't seem to have a secret handshake as such - probably have to make do with the slow all knowing nod, as practiced by all the auld fellahs in my local(s)....and yourself, I see.

*comes down the stairs and sniffs*
Old beer! Perfect. But we have to whitewash these walls, after you lay on a bit of uneven stucco. Then we whitewash, and wait for the dust to collect on the uneven bits. I promise it will never come off.

*Sees Duncan* Oh hello there. Do you know how to hang wallpaper? *to Pheroneous* I mean, you wouldn't actually hire a professional when we have all these perfectly capable gentlemen right here, would you?

Do I know how to hang wallpaper? I barely know where to hang wallpaper

Well, if you're so good at cement, why shouldn't you be equally good at wallpaper?

Lil (**comes over all trembly for a moment**) take these guys and do with them as you will. Preferably shackle them to the walls while you and I go upstairs and paste the paper together.

Its no good papering over whitewash, it will all come off. The purpose of whitewash, or limewash, or distemper, is to allow the wall to breath. Especially underground, with lime rendered walls such as these, that have absorbed years of beer and G&T and sweat - well not sweat perhaps - there will inevitably be some moisture collecting on the surface, thus causing the wall paper to peel. Now, if we use this special cement to make a nice waterproof...sorry Lil, am I boring...Lil!..come back..

Can't we just get some Norwegian pine in and turn the place into a sauna...well, how else are we supposed to start being subversives down here .

That's it!! And a password, 'Norwegian'! (which means 'nullpoint' in American) Nakedness! Heat! Splinters in bums!

At least it will be warm.

I'm going to continue my inspection of the premises. See you around.

Niiiiice.....

Hello in there...- it's got very quiet in here recently.
Which of the following shall I bore you all with then? :- (1) A review of the play I saw on Saturday night, (2) a recipe for butternut squash soup or (3) another DIY disaster story?

You see, one mention of bums and they're gone. Please don't drool on the counter theres a good chap, I've already cleaned it once this month.

Who mentioned bums at all? Oh - it was you.
Anyway - I've to go to Belgium tomorrow for reasons that really are boring, so could you put a nice pint of on order for me...



What the heck!
The sooner we get doors on this cellar the better!

Of course I will, old chap. It'll be waiting for you when you need to recuperate from the excitement of Belgium.

Must think of lunch menu to incorporate bats. Some sort of witches brew, perhaps, or was that a drink? Wish I could remember all this stuff. Now, where's that chap with the funny hair?

Hello fellow anarchists. As I've just been appointed to The Sub-committee for Subversive and Bad behaviour I thought it would be a good idea to check out this hive of intrigue, even tho it would probably be more subversive of me not to.

Just in time I see. Belgium? Bring some guns and mercenaries back with you. Oh and some of that nice chocolate.

WM can we call a sub-committee meeting to disorder? I want to propose a motion that as a first step on the road to revolution, we blow up that symbol of monarcho-capitalist repression, a bouncy castle.

I second that motion - there's subversion for ya. Motion carried.

*now WB is in a quandary, is it more subversive to ignore the decision of the sub-committee than to actually blow up a bouncy castle? He puts down his pump-action foot pump to think about this, and eventually decides the answer may lie in the formation of a Sub-Sub-committee for Unethics.*

**slips in unnoticed through side door**

Hey man! Groovy plotting! Minor hitch in plan. There is no Castle here! Expressly forbidden in the lease. Castle erection verboten. Blown up battlements outlawed. May attract shrieking kids and the like. Danger of attack by punters. Murder, mayhem and violence!

Think on, brother. Have a , and I have something here behind the counter to aid your ruminations. **produces paper and pencil (what did you think it was going to be?)**

Surely any anarchist style constitutional document must be written on the back of a beer mat.Come to think of it, which side of a beermat is the back?

As one eases into a gentle maturity, there comes a sense of a certain rightness, a correct way of doing things, borne of the experience, the collected wisdom of the passing years. A time comes when 'making do' has an unsatisfactory feel to it, when second-best is no longer a compromise that one is willing to make, when the soggy beermat bears little appeal as a writing surface, whichever way up it may be. That time, DJ, is now.

That's a shame.
I was thinking of getting around the stranglehold copyright that the makers of a yellow paper thing that you can write on and stick to monitors have by writing a program that stored notes on your desktop as your choice of (i) train tickets, (ii) beermats or (c) paper towels.
Still - who'd want a thing like that?

Vast numbers. You are about to be very rich indeed. Possibly.

If you have MSN messenger, that pops up a little yellow 'Post-it' note when you have an email or message, and then disappears after a couple of minutes. I thought it was 'cute' the first time. And the second. Now, however, I yearn for bus tickets or beer-mats to appear instead! There's a chap called Gates, or Doors or Fences or something that runs all these things. He is alas not one of our regulars. You may need to contact him directly. He also is very rich.

Hey guys. Birthday man here. Happy hour all day. Free ,everything else half price, including me. Come the revolution we may all be dead, and if not, please don't disturb. And I've slipped a little something in the . Peace.