h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Incidentally, as we seem to be in Whisky buff mode...ever heard of "Leap Frog"? It is from the same stock as the whisky whose name it sounds like (and we just mentioned) but is considered more worthy. UD () are going to the courts soon and it will probably be withdrawn...but this will push the value of the current stock up nicely ....still not as nice as a Bowmore though

Can we put Munchkin on a Committee for apostrophes? "it's laxity" indeed!

If you move around you'll get warm soon enough. The wallpaper is right here *two more tote bags follow the bag of dry paste and tools* and the only way you'll ever see it is if you put it up yourselves, because this is not an establishment that hires outside labour. Is it?

Come on, nothing like a bit of vim and vigour with the roller brush to get the circulation going. You'll be in shirtsleeves before ye know it!

Culzean Castle, in Ayrshire, there's another fine establishment, and one you could move into tomorrow. I had the privelege of touring the third floor when it was still a gift to the Eisenhowers from the National Trust. But it's a mock-gothic, a Robert Adam sort of grand folly, and in my mind it doesn't hold a candle to a wind-scoured relic like Dunnottar. *looks nostalgic*

The apostrophe is a fine creature and I believe it should be used more often. As to castles if you want dark and brooding, Dunvegan (I think) on the northern tip of Skye in a gale is rather impressive. As are most places rightly, under a brooding grey sky. Which counts as most days up north come to think of it.
So, if we, the patrons, are expected to do the decorating I volunteer to make the tea. Can't do work with out tea. So, where do you think they would keep the urn?

Look, will you stop winging on about scotch mist or whatever and paper some paste or something, anything to keep that bloody decorator woman quiet.

**Takes urn off mantlepiece, peers dubiously at contents, picks up THREE empty bottles that once, not so long since, contained the finest that Scotland could offer, and shuffles off, muttering something about Carol Smillie at least doing some sewing from time to time which is more than can be said for people round here, its easy giving orders, then disappearing, punters half drunk anyway waffling on about broodings and stuff like that**

That's all well and good, but I've been mixing this wallpaper paste so long that its got the consistency of porridge....wait a minute, this is porridge!

Perfect, nowt sticks like it! You start in that corner and I'll tell you if your hanging it straight.

Right ho - which way up do these patterns go then?
{{{{
or
}}}}

We could alternate for a {{{{ }}}}{{{{ }}}} look. Rather than a {}{} look which we don't want, as this is definately not that sort of Snug. I get the feeling that will start swirling nicely after a couple of

Yep, that'll do. Just slap the lumps, I'm sure they'll disappear.

Here's your tea! Just spit the bits out, I'm sure they're just old tea leaves. They were in the urn, anyway. Must be.

I'm sure, really sure.

I've been slapping this lump for a good while and all I get is the sound of breaking glass. Someone did remove all the fixtures before we started papering, didn't they?

Stuffed squirrels, you've killed the stuffed squirrels!

Now, now, no need for panic. What we need is some careful thought on this situation. Have a seat and a cup of tea and we will discuss it. Oh, and if someone would get that particularly large lump to stop squirming, it's distracting me. ... Just one lump thanks. ... Oh and some sugar would be nice.

See - the internet is still a young person's game
No tea or coffee in the smiley bank!

erm,
No tea or horlicks in the smiley bank.
Its the old memory - not as good as it was...I think anyway, difficult to remember exactly

The problem, as I see it, is one of time. If we can keep the trees (who are probably to blame anyway for overexciting the mangy decrepit - sorry, thats us isn't it - stuffed rats with furry tails) and that decorating person out of here long enough, the vermin will probably die of porridge overdose anyway.

So, is that a cue for a further cup of tea, perhaps with some fortification, a comfy seat and maybe even breaking out the dominos?

You're right, but forget the tea, that last lot tasted strange anyway. Lets go for fortification, talking of which, bar the door! Clack those dominoes.

[:::|:::]

Well - I'd have to start with that piece, n'est-ce pas?

[:::I ::]