h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A large Scotch for me please ... and no custard powder. If we dipped the crisps into the chip fat, and then into the tin of custard powder surely they would become flavoured?

On secon thought, I think I'll stick with the BBQ Vole crisps.

*Dip, dip, dribble*

Go on - try one!

*cautiously samples a custard crisp*

Whether or not I would eat them regularly depends on the price.

You ARE a genious Kes..well,they look good.How do they taste Hyp ? It's OK,don't eat it all at once..Steady now..Kes do we have such a thing as a glass of water in this establishment ? Hyp looks a delicate shade of green...it does suit her though,don't you think ?

There are glasses in varying conditions of cleanliness on the draining board, just to the left of which is a tap. I apologise for not getting Hypatia a glass of the stuff, but it's against my religious convictions, you understand ... unless there's quite a lot of Scotch in it, of course.

I think this dipped crisp idea could really catch on. What if we marketed a mixed pack - all looking the same, but dipped in different powders ... "Custard Mustard Crunch" has a certain ring to it, don't you think?

I would rather you try out your new flavors on the Snug Hound. But thanks just the same.

No need to wake him up. I'll try the mustard dip myself.
*Dip, dip*



Oh my!

It's OK,breath deeply Kes,now sip this,it's not water,well, it's not only water !! Just drink it and stop pulling a silly face ! Hyp,are you sure we should try out new flavours on the Snug Hound ? Ahhh,look at him,all curled up and looking so cute ..Oh my God,thats Kes >>>>>>>>>>> Kes,please stand up,it was only tea !!! I'll get you whisky,brandy,gin even ! Just please stand up......Could we be accused of murder Hyp ? Oh,the mere mention of alcohol and he's fine...Welcome back to the land of the living Kes..You had us worried there for a second !

Did I hear you say "whisky, brandy, gin"? Don't mind if I do. Better make it a large one. Perhaps we should stick to the crisps already in stock. I think there's a couple of packets of rhubarb and taramasalata flavour left ...

The brandy seems to work every time.


That was a bit close. But, as you say, better Kes than the Snug Hound. I don't know what I was thinking. Mea culpa.


Feeling better, Kes?

Much better, thank you.

*Pauses for thought.*

Still a bit shaky, though. Nothing that another large gin+whisky+brandy wouldn't fix ...

*Pinky whispers to Hyp..I completely agree Hyp,we can't risk anything like that happening to poor Snug.I mean have you seen the red glow around Kes ? He could be radioactive..Don't stand too close to him OK ? For safety reasons,you never know do you ?* Ahhh Kes,your looking much better now,healthy even,you kind of glow...Now you sit down over there>>>>>>> No,RIGHT over there>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Near the door,fresh air,it works wonders you know ? Now this brandy might taste unusual to you,I've put a little lemonade it..Just a drop ,you'll be fine now *I can't give him pure alcohol just yet Hyp,he might explode.Pinky pushes the drink to Kes,with a broken broom handle* There you go Kes.

Thank you.
*Sip*
Quite acceptable ... very little lemonade ... but why do I have to sit by the door? I think I may be allergic to fresh air and sunlight and all that sort of stuff. There's quite a draught, you know.

AAAAAAAAAAAACHOOOOOOOOOO!

Bless me, he is glowing.....I mean, Bless You, Kes.

Locates a box of tissues and shoves them to Kes with a long handled broom.

Stand back Hyp,please don't go to close ! Kes,you've caught a cold,your nose looks extremely red !!! *Pinky whispers to Hyp* I think he's ready to blow. Lets RUN>>>>>>>>>>>>>Behind the bar

*joins Pinky behind the bar*

I wonder what would have happened if he'd had two of the crisps?

Get your head down Hyp.I dread to think what would have happened if he'd eaten two crisps ! His heads going back >>>>>>>>>> Take cover NOW !

Ducks and covers her head....waits.....listens......waits.....peers over the top of the bar at Kes

Whew! False alarm, Pinky. He oozed a bit, but he didn't explode.

Kes, it looks like you could use a drink.

Thank heavens for that Hyp.Ermmm Kes,would you like a drink ? *Hyp,I'm thinking of hot chocolate,it's far too soon for him to be drinking anything remotely like alcohol yet,what do you think ?*