h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Pinky waves,frantically* Over here Hyp,over here ! Lord above Kes,did £5 notes ,REALLY used to be this large?Amazing!

Where on earth did that come from?

I'd hide that if I were you.

Bartender, I would gladly pay you on Tuesday for a G&T today.

Haven't seen any spectacles ... but there are lots of glasses around here ... including mine, which is rather empty ... Did someone say they'd found a fiver?

*Pinky winks at Hyp and puts the fiver under her chair* Hi Kes,your buying drinks ? Are you ill ? Mines a brandy and babycham please,with ice !Ermmmmmmm fivers,you've got a fiver ? Make mine a double please,easy on the ice !

I believe I have a 5 moxon note here someplace. At least I did a few months ago.

Pinky, you're looking lovely as always. Have you ever tried the barbecued vole crisps? They are excellent with brandy.

I did have a fiver a while back ... I'm sure we could have a round of drinks for now, and I can put the money into the till as soon as the note turns up. A double did you say? I'd better have a for medicinal purposes, as well as my usual .

B-B-Qd vole crisps ? Mmmmmmmmm they sound delicious Hyp,I think I'll have a packet (by the way,your looking good too,very smart) What exactly did your £5 note look like Kes,did it have any noticeable marks or identification numbers or anything ? Do you think you'd recognise it if you saw it again ? Your right Hyp,these crisps are perfect with brandy !

Oh yes, I'd recognise it anywhere. Large piece of paper - white, with black printing on it, and a picture of the King, of course. I'd know it anywhere.

If I see it Kes, I shall certainly give it to you.

Yes, the barbecued vole have always been one of my favorite flavors of crisps. It is sometimes so difficult for me to choose between them and the spicy flamingo that I wind up eating a bag of each.

A picture of the King on it Kes ? Which King would that be I wonder ? Hyp ,is that a piece of folded white paper down beside your chair ? The spicy flamingo sound good,followed by an ice cold glass of lager,mmmmmmmm.It's my round then.

Oh well, in that case I'll postpone my potential beverational purchases until a time of shortage ... and mine's a pint, please - ta very much, Pinky - jolly decent of you and all that. Which King? What do you mean "Which King"? There is only one. Don't tell me things have changed since I went outside? We're not a republic or anything like that are we? I never did trust that Mr Attlee. What a terrifying thought. I'd better have a large brandy as well.

G&T for me, Kes. Pinky

Is there anyone in back at the deep fryer? One of Lil's green bacon sarnies would hit the spot.

*Points at furry flat object visible in back*

There's one she prepared earlier ...

looks.....wipes off glasses....looks again

Did that just move?

Well something moved Hyp amd it wasn't me !! Kes,have your brandy first,enjoy,cos I've got a little story to tell you OK ? It's all about the history of Britain.Now don't cry,I can't bare to see a grown man cry,but,we do now have a Queen ruling us ! Yes,I know, a woman,a female, in power,your superior ! There,there,don't sob like that,it's not good for you.Hyp you wouldn't have a box of Kleenex handy would you please ?

*Sniffle*

Well, it's not too bad, I suppose. I mean - Victoria did a fair job with the Empire.

*Brightens visibly*

Did I miss the street party?

Oh! *Un-brightens* I just had a thought. I have a couple of halfpenny stamps in my wallet. Does this mean I can't use them anymore?

Of course you can use them Kes.Your letters won't actually arrive anywhere,but hey,be a devil and use them anyway OK ? Now where did I leave my drink ?

In a glass of its own?

Kes, why are you posting a letter? Don't tell me you're finally going to return those sweepstakes entries from Publisher's Clearinghouse. You won't win, you know. And if you order a magazine from them, they'll expect you to pay for it.

*extracts a tattered 5 moxon note and places it on the bar* This round is on me. And I'll have a packet of those excellent garliky hedgehog crisps, please.

Thank you. Explanation is such thirsty work, I always find. Mine's a .

No, I was trying to write to cancel my 1934 subscription to Readers' Disgust. They keep sending the things, you see. The apricot and mole crisps are quite tasty too.