h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yes,are you quite sure you threw every pair of rubber gloves away Lil ? Prawn and mayo for me please.

If there are any rubber gloves in here, they crawled back on their own. And prawn and mayo is off. The menu is, grilled cheese sandwiches, chips (french fries to the exotic clientele) and deep fried turkey in season.

Can I have my turkey deep-fried in plain fat - no seasoning?

And may I have French Fries,fried as exotically as possible please Lil ? Preferbly,in Extra Virgin Olive Oil,if it's not too much trouble,of course !

We may have trouble finding an olive in this bar ...

Just be grateful it's vegetable oil. And fairly fresh, too. I'm using the old stuff in my biodiesel car.

Well, it's practically summer, far too late for spring cleaning, what?

OK,vegetable oil it will have to be then.Thankyou ! Spring cleaning in the summertime ? Well actually,it's not a bad idea you know.I could give it a go,if you like.No problem.

Well, most of the customers need dusting.

AAAAAAAAACHOO!

*Disturbed legions of dust motes waft Brownian-like in the atmoshere, rendered visible by thin beams of light which penetrate the blackout curtains by way of assorted moth holes. The Snug thus resembles a small but extremely untidy cathedral.*

*if a cathedral were full of cigarette smoke and dead parishioners*

*Most of them are full (albeit below floow level) of ex-parishioners, and few of them get incensed at the prospect of smoke*

*The coughnig fit subsides.*

Sorry - throat's a bit dry.

*Looks round hopefully*

IS THERE ANYBODY THERE ? You can't see a thing with all this dust ! PHEWWW !

*Peers through the swirling dust*

AAAARGH! Get it off me! It's a huge yellow starfish trying to swallow a small pink sea anemone!

*Peers again ... the clouds partially part for a moment*

Oh no! It's only a rubber glove and a feather duster. Hello Pinky!

Is that you Kes ? God you look so different covered in dust ! Shall we have a drink ? On me,of course ! Anything you like.

Dust is tricky stuff - a bit like a sleeping Snughound - best not disturbed too much, though I'm sure you're doing a grand job. A pint of would de-dust the old throat, I think. There used to be a vacuum cleaner kept behind the bar - you might find that useful. Better make sure Lil cleaned it out after the last grease-inspired drain clearance ...

Well you can't turn your back around here for a few weeks can you ? More dust than I dare mention,not a soul in sight,and I can't even see the bar,let alone a vaccum cleaner ! Oh well,not to worry,I can just clean in peace,undisturbed,happily on my own,not one person to tell me if I'm doing well or not.*Pinky trips over something very soft on the floor* Ooooppppsss...

I think I can see the Snughound's ears sticking up out of the dust way over there. Wonder what you tripped over? It might have been that fiver I lost a few years ago ...

*there is a rather jerky movement from a dust covered lump in the corner*



Must have dozed off for a bit.



Pinky, dear, is that you? And Kes? I seem to have misplaced my spectacles.