h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Please talk to me. I'm in work and these people are driving me mad

Sorry nate, this is supposed to be shallow conversation thread. If you are having a really bad day tho here is a chuckle for ya. I pilfered it of course I'm much to shallow to be clever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read:

"WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!"

Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign:

"WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS"

Excellent. Thank you . Not having a really bad day. Just want to talk to someone who's not screaming the place down

I just popped onto your home page and found sfa(sweet f**k all), kinda like mine...
but if you have a good internet connection where you are ,and really really bored, check out my camera link. It gives an insight into the exciting world in which I live. Do not spend to much time there though, because it may lead to heart palpation from all the excitement. Yea its raining really hard here now, and the puddles are like me, shallow...

Hey i'd forgotten this place. Man, it feels good to paddle in the shallows again. I had areally good joke but i've forgotten it already.It is not raining here at all ,pop over after work if you don't believe me.

It hasn't stopped raining here. But what should I expect I am in Wales

So nate , what do you do that people drive you mad. I used to work in retail hell, which was the reason for my madness.(I hope that is not to deep a question for this thread) Now I sit in front of computers all day, and in the evenings I sit in front of Mac's(which are REAL computing devices).

I work in a call centre giving technical support for people who can't connect to the internet. It's amazing how stupid some people can be when they're sitting in front of a pc

I think I know what u mean Nate. Moreover, I think u are referring to me. I am amazingly stupid when I am in front of PC, so that means about 8-9 hrs per day, only when at my workplace.
This reminds me folks that I won't be able to explore the shallow for the next two weeks cause I am going to Italy and I'll avoid any PCs.
I am happy.
I'll not forget this about the whales and the tea.
Write short and concise so that I am able to run through all postings when I am back

Its got a lot to do with PC's!

Hi Nate - where are you in Wales. I'm in Colwyn Bay and it ain't raining at the moment. Has been though.

Hi pedboy. Glad there is someone else like me who has to suffer PC's at work and can go home to a Mac.

Here's one for you all - though you have probably heard it.

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you b*******s who want
off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of you
bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause we're
going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are p*****d off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen."

turvy

I'm more talking about people who think pc's are like big playstations and then throw their toys out of the pram when they can't connect cause they've been messing about with it

Look at the positive side of pc's I guess...
If they weren't around you or I would have to be doing something else to make money.(and this is really easy isn't it)
There was a roumor I heard that they are thinking to license people before allowing them access to a pc....I can hear it now.
"Sorry son, your to stupid to use a computer."
If true you would be outta work nate.

out of work but happy. its not too bad its just that people just seem to expect pc's to work. if their car breaks they dont't go into one. they just take it to a mechanic. but if the pc stops working it's like hell has come to earth

Tell me about it.

I have to dial in to a Windows NT network. I never get faster that 32000kbps
the sytems dept is in London and cannot get their pretty heads around dial-up. they seem to think that the whole organisation is on a LAN.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!
turvy

NOW its raining!!! I can see Wales on a clear day from where I live so generally speaking I don't see it all winter!!! Thats perfectly true about the p.c thing people go absolutely ape if it doesn't work as if the computer is cleverer than them could work if it wanted to and is bsically mocking them. People who come through training where I am are terrified of touching a computer as if it will takeover. 'Turn it off' I say 'and now look ;it can't do anything'These are generally older people.

I'm in swansea and it s chucking it down on and off

It's raining here too but nowhere near the Biblical downpours suffered in South Wales yesterday.

Back to shallow folks

Enjoy!!



1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying
two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm
sorry, gentlemen, only
one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.
One went to Hollywood
and became a famous actor. The other stayed
behind in the cotton
fields and never amounted to much. The second
one, naturally, became
known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
but when they lit a
fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again
that you can't have
your kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the
Old West. He slides
up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the
man who shot my
paw."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root
canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a
hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the
office and asked
them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they
moved
off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess
nuts boasting in an
open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for
adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The
other goes to a family
in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan
sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a
picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen
Juan, you've seen
Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry
payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist
across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers
to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the
friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh
MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to
"persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back
if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did
so, thereby proving
that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist
friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot
most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on
his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and with
his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him.... what?
(Oh, man, this is
so bad, it's good) A super callused fragile
mystic hexed by halitosis

10. And finally, there was the person who sent
ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the
puns would make them
laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

turvy

pun tastic mate

Turvy,I'll GIVE you my mini mayfair(yes its red) for that web address.

I bow to the queen of shallow, and I think that I am the king who has been humbled.
All hail..............
TURVY
as the queen of shallow. nuff said.