h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I hope, my queen, you won't object me to making a dungeon thread here. You're most welcome to come and join me here any time you like.

For everyone else...

Fear, oh foolish adventurer, for you have found yourself in the most mysterious and frightening place in the kingdom. There is very little light here, but what there is is a dusky, sickly green, and doesn't illuminate anything you'd particularly like to see. Cold, damp stones make up the walls, which head in every direction in a labyrinthine pattern. They are covered in moss and mould which glows faintly in eerie patterns which resemble nothing so much as dismembered body parts; rusted chains and manacles attatch to them, sometimes stained with old, half-denatured blood.

The doors are intricate grates of hard, polished steel, twisting and curling into ornate gargolye patterns. Each is fitted with a complicated lock, and squeaks with the ear-jarring sound of fingernails on a blackboard whenever it is moved (which it does only with the utmost reluctance).

Cruel-looking instruments are scattered around the floor, many with nasty-looking hooks, and the remenants of entrails still attached. Otherwise, the place seems to be almost empty.

The heavy silence is only broken by the echo of your footfalls, somehow seeming disproportionately loud in this terrible place, and the occasional scream in the distance.

And of course, there is the everpresent feeling that someone is watching you.....

* Ottox walks in and turns the light on *
Oh! This look like a nice place for a picnic.

* starts dusting a rack with his beloved dust rag *
...just whistle while you work...

turns OFF the light, and rattles her chains RIGHT behind Ottox's ear


Some people! No sense of ambience!

Hey! ...a fuse has blown... guess they are rather old...
hmmm.. what's that noice? Car keys? Must be the kings chauffeur, what is he doing here?
* confused *

*Goes off to sulk somewhere behind Ottox.

Steals his picnic while she's at it*

, or

*peers lovingly around the dungeon, before wandering off again to send somebody an invitation *

Love what you've done with the place, FEARSOME phantom...

* didn't realise that I had brought a picnic(*), thought I was looking for a place to have one *

How can you have a picnic without a picnic?

Oh well, if you didn't bring one, I'll just form an insubstantial version to taunt you with. Kind of like a mirage.

And thanks, oh king! Always willing to haunt..I mean, help

You know, Fearsome, anywhere but here you do scare me, but this place is so frightening that a single ghost more or less doesn't make no difference.
Can't I just come visiting you here, then you can scare me in the other threads?
* s the , well, tries to... *

*comes running down the stairs into the dungeon*

Ooooh I love it!!! A ghost is exactly what this place needed!!! It's *perfect* now!!

*looks around in the dungeon enjoying the creepy feeling there*

Yep, that's my Queen alright...

Hey, look at you!! Haven't seen you come down here since...

Since....oh yes......well, *ahem*, yes...

ponders.... OK, Ottox, would you like some tea? Don't mind if it looks like blood. (Quite happy to go other places to scare aforementioned Ottox, apparently)

*sneaks up behind the queen, and blows creepily cold air on her*

I would love to have some tea! And as long as it's dark in here, I can't see what it looks like!

*blows some more chilly air on the queen* and then ghosts over to a fire in the corner (that certainly wasn't there a minute ago) to put the billy on*

"Miiiiiiiiiiilk? Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugar?"

Uuuuuh! That *is* a bit scaring!
Just milk, thanks!

* waits for the water to boil *

*hopes that there's no pine wood on the fire to boil the water*

*Hides the pine wood

Produces a cup and warms it up with the boiled water.

Brings out a lovely china tea seat and puts some tea in it*