h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The scene opens in a small office, traffic is flowing past the window, but that seems to be all that's moving. The heroine, Insane Endeavour, known to all simply as IE, is reading a newspaper, her feet rested on the desk in front of her.*
*The door opens, and IE quickly removes her feet from the desk.*

Insane Endeavour? Are you busy?

Yes? I mean, no, sir.

Then take a look at this. *dumps paper on desk and leaves. IE reads the words on the paper*


Oh no...

>

*At the top of a large sky scraper, in a foreboding penthouse office, HP, Chairman of Evil Genii Inc. , sits back in his black leather high-backed Evil Swivel Chair (tm) and looks over the skyline of Atross City, his fingers arched in Evil Scheming Contemplation (tm)*

Today, Atross City...

Tomorrow... the little known country of Mesabutan....

The Day After That... the WORLD... MWUHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAAAAAAAHHH

[HP}=~~

*suddenly the door in HP's office bursts open and sea and evillene enter*

[sea] we'd like to help. do you need any henchme-er, women?

*NYC follows right behind*

we even have evil Syndicate memberships cards!

*NYC takes out his STUMPED card*

*The door to IE's office is thrown open, and Afgncaap5 enters, wearing his trenchcoat and OmeGauntlet*

IE, I'm here to help. I represent several organizations that strive to stop evil everywhere.

*Pulls out his CHOPPERS member card (a guild of heroes, dedicated to stop STUMPED), his Holistic Detective Licencse, and his CLI identification card*

Well, okay, CLI isn't that much about stopping evil, but it's certainly a credential. Anyway, I'm here to help. I've gotten word that STUMPED was in this area, trying to help the local villains, and I decided it would be a too powerful force to ignore. Fortunately though, the only STUMPED members so far are NYC, evillene, and Sea. Those three can't last twelve posts without trying to kill each other some how.

*HP swivels round on his chair HP surveys three with mild disdain*

hmmmm... yes, you'll have to do.. but you'll do nicely

Of course, we at Evil Genii do have rules for henchme... henchpeople/collaborators. There's a contract for each of you on that desk behind you. Your briefs shall be given to you in time. Feel free to wander the city, see the sights so to speak...

*three contracts lay suspiciously on a desk in the corner of the rooms, a pen beside each one*

Evil Genii Employee Bonding Agreement

Rule No. 1: In joining Evil Genii you must hand over the rights of anything evil you do the the EGC (Evil Genii Corporation). All evil actions, therefore, must be copyrighted and all evil machinations/contraptions trademarked. This may become tiresome... but flaunters of unmarked evil deeds will be clamped down upon!

Rule No. 2: No spitting.

Rule No. 3: EGC have the right to terminate your contract at any time, and with it your life. This does not prohibit miraculous survival/resurrection and/or defecting to a heroic body of any kind due to bitter resentment of the EGC. (this clause was added after union action)

Rule No. 4: We really did mean it about the spitting.

I the undersigned, agree to these terms unoquivically, I surrender my life to you masters, I pledge undying alliegence to your mighty...*so on and so forth*

Signed ................................................

*Meanwhile, HP turns round to face the AC skyline once more, he smiles slightly*

I have a feeling this will turn out to be a very evil day..

[The clones enter, Y2K with his mask down and looking foreboding]

[Y2K] Hi.

Excuse me, I'm in a union! I need not sign this! plus, I have a few complaints about this contract...

1. You CAN'T kill an online persona... no matter HOW hard you try, and
2. I refuse to work for any evil corporation that holds all rights to my actions; if you don't let me keep my trademark moves and weapons, you can find yourself another villian...

*and with that NYC lights a match to the contract*

*grin*

*Listening to NYC with his wristwatch, thanks to the nanite he secretly injected him with in the detective agency*

I don't know if this is good or bad. NYC is refusing to sign the contract. His allegiance to STUMPED is more powerful than I previously thought...

*Ponders this*

*sea looks at the contract*

[sea] hmm... i think i need to have my lawyer look at this before i sign it.

[evillene] you don't HAVE a lawyer.

[sea] yet.

[Mewtwo materializes two and a half feet to Affy's left, finds himself halfway through a wall, and dematerializes again. He rematerializes in a more opportune location]

[Mewtwo] }Hi, Affy. I'm against the Bad Guys! Mind if I join you?{

[Vekura also materializes]

[Vekura] {Me too.}

*sea groans and slaps a hand to her forehead*

[sea] that is quite possibly the most irritating superzero wannabe i've ever encountered...

*Shakes hands with the two Mewtwos*

Not at all! Can never have too much help! Of course, IE is the one who gets to decide how we fight the villains, though.

[The clones look at each other]

[Y3C] Where'd HE come from?

[Y2K] Sea? Where've you met him?

*IE finally looks up from the piece of paper she is holding, a faint smile playing over her lips.*

Great! Affy, Mewtwo and Vekura, thank you! We need evil-fighting good guys at a time like this! Welcome to Insane Endeavour's Insane Endeavours!

Kill each other within 12 posts? Hmmm... this is the 10th since you said they joined Evil Genii (tm). How are they getting on, Affy, can you continue to monitor them? If they kill themselves off, that'll make our jobs a whole lot easier.

Now... the legal stuff. *Hands out contracts*


Rule No. 1: Evil Genii (tm) is evil. Remember this.
Rule No. 2: Evil Genii (tm) will stop at nothing to kill you.
Rule No. 3: Changing sides severely reduces your effectiveness at fighting bad guys.
Rule No. 4: No spitting. (some rules are everywhere)
Rule No. 3: Remember Rule No. 1, 2, 3 and especially 4.

*Hands out pens*

I hope you're a *little* more agreeable!

>

*Looks at the contract and pen*

Well, of course I'm more agreeable. It's not like this thing will make me sign away my soul, or anything. Or does it...

*Pulls out a magnifying glass, and looks it over*

Nope, it doesn't. I think I'll do this. With the exception of "No Spitting" this sounds like a very reasonable contract.

Oh, as to whether I can monitor them, yes I can. However, they are behaving themselves, somehow. It's almost like they're combining willpower to avoid signing the contract. Or maybe it's just because they know what their current boss would do if they were caught moonlighting.

BTW, what's the paper say? I mean, you've been in shock since the first post, so it's gotta be something important!

[Mewtwo] }And do we get paid if we win?{

[sea] how do i know them? from my battle forum! they've been fishing me!!!

*Affy looks around the office*

Nice plays. Anyway, IE, is this crime syndicate as bad as STUMPED, or does it actually take it's work seriously?

*sea sticks her tongue out at affy*

*evillene dumps her cup of tea on his head*