h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Watches clouds of smoke drift up from the bushes where Hati is sitting*

It was still dark when I woke up, so instead of gazing at wildlife whilst drinking my first of the day, I sat in a daze and watched my washing machine churn a few pairs of jeans.

Yeah I heard washing machines beat sitting on mountains reflecting on the nature of eternity hands down.

Why instead of ?

the nature of eternity is a pain in the butt...

...when you have sat on a mountaintop for hours

Due to the necessity of speed Roadkill dearest.

Unless I make 'real' coffee, using instant is always the quickest and easiest option when I'm in a sleepy daze and confronted with a teabag/teapot OR a jar of instant coffee, a mug and spoon.

I usually move on to after at least two ½ pint mugs of and have drunk my way through 3 pints of & by the time I've got the kids off to school.

I need to consume lots of hot and wet stuff before I can face looking at myself in a mirror!

Ahhh. Right. Doesn't all caffeine make you irritable with everyone else?

Pierce!

Simulpost!

Yeah, but where would you be able to boil a kettle up, especially when in a hurry, on the top of a mountain?

I'm always irritable Roadkill! Just ask my kids, the s, s and my hubby who stays in bed until I'm almost human in order to avoid me.

You should see me when I have PMT/PMS!

With one of those storm kettly things. But due to the change in air pressure you'd only be able to get lukewarm tea, so you'd periodically have to descend and make some / and put it in a flask, /then/ get back to meditating on the nature of eternity .

I'd need one of those rubber ring things to sit on, a very heavy duvet, sunglasses, a good book and some unfortunate fool to carry it all for me...

Yeah. Kind of defeats the point of abandoning all worldly posessions to devote your energies to the truer nature of reality, doesn't it?

*turns unused corner of bar into a hermit's cave and settles in to meditate*

Dang, figuring this out could take an eternity. Better fortify myself.

*returns to cave with *

What's to figure?!?
We eat, drink, smoke, f**k, sleep, then do it all over again.
No rocket science there... ===~~...passes to the left.
...*conciders kicking WR...but hasn't the energy...*

*quickly sits himself to that place left of Pans

===~~~~

Do we actually do these things? or is this just the pub doing it to us...

It's all fibs, you know, Gwennie is slim and gorgeous!

*downs a very stiff G&T as its been that kind of day*

*staggers back in. swaying giddily, suffering from awful side-effects of being exposed to excessive fall-out from weapons-grade alcoholic mixtures, tobacco and energy drinks which no longer work as a hangover cure like they always used to. hoping that the strange pain in stomach will go away soon.*

Did you know that apples are better than caffeine at waking you up in the morning?

Yep...I knew that. Last time someone hit me with an apple whilst I was asleep, I not only awakend, but I ran him down and made wild, animal love to him. Er, wait, that might not have been an apple he hit me with.Never mind.
Last time I went to the mountains to reflect inwardly...I returned to make THE biggest mistake in my entire life.Up to that point anyway.
And caerwynn's right, our Gwennie's a living doll.'Sept for those huge gunboats she calls feet.
...*passes to the left...* ==~ ~~

Thanks Caerwynn

*Passes a large brown envelope discretely into Caerwynn's hand*

What these things Pan?

*Places her gunboats on a bar stool and wiggles her still slightly hairy toes*

I'm surprised that I wasn't auditioned for the part of a hobbit in the LotR movie...

So tell me Pan, in your neck of the woods being hit by an apple, or something more unmentionable considered as foreplay then?

Ahh! I hear my kettle boiling, which means it's time for my half pint of and my meditation in front of the washing machine...

I sorely miss my HRT.

Oh look! There are my teeth!

*Puts her teeth back in not noticing the wind up key. As soon as she bites down they begin to open and shut at an alarming rate.*

CHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMP


*Arms flailing and completely out of control she hurtles around the Pub scattering tables and drinks in her wake. Fred the Foul Smelly one tries lunging for safety, but the old chompers land right on his butt. Then m-r gets butted a good one in return.*

HALP!

CHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMP

*Sizes up the situation, and takes decisive action ...... downing his pint in one gulp, and upending the over the rampaging gnashers, thus trapping them. Slides a beermat under the glass, and lifts the angry teeth onto the bar, where they are displayed for all to see.*

Nothing to it! Mine's a pint, I thank you ...

*Wonders whether Kes has realised how dangerous his situation is and bends down to examine the upturned glass with the gnashing chompers still chattering away within*

Somehow the BeeGees spring to mind...

Mari how does it feel to have an empty glass shoved over one's head? Are you alright my dear, only you seem to have turned a rather peculiar colour?

*Hopes that Kes has kept his health insurance policy up to date*